OT: One Line Jokes

[DJ Spanky]

You know my father threw a camera at me once: I still have flashbacks.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just saying that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

 

[Kbuckeye1]

Who wears pink leotards and drives a purple chariot ?


Ben Gay

 

[DJ Spanky]

Tonight I'm going to have my favorite alcoholic drink. It's called a lot.

 

[DJ Spanky]

It's "Jamaican hairstyle day" at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Never underestimate a woman's ability to make anything your fault.

 

[DJ Spanky]

A blow up doll means an entirely different thing in the Middle East.

 

[DJ Spanky]

There's nothing like that awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.

 

[DJ Spanky]

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up, I could build the coolest tree house ever!

 

[RUROCKIN]

What's the difference between sex and death? Death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

 

[Mikemarc]

You hear about the 2 guys who were arrested for stealing a calendar? They each got 6 months.

 

[RU1977]

Why do they call them buildings when they are already done building them? They should call them builts or crumblings.....

 

[DJ Spanky]

Isn't it weird how when a cop passes your car you feel paranoid instead of protected?

 

[RUROCKIN]

What's the difference between a bad rifleman and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other…

This post was edited on 8/11 12:52 PM by RUROCKIN

 

[DJ Spanky]

I have so much debt, I could start a government.

 

[RUROCKIN]

In memory of RW:

What do you get when you cross a mobster with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?

 

[DJ Spanky]

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

 

[DJ Spanky]

You're not fat, you're just ... easier to see.

 

[Hawkssox1]

A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weeks later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".

This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1

This post was edited on 8/18 9:17 PM by hawkssox1

 

[mildone_rivals]

Originally posted by hawkssox1:

A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weekas later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".

This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1

 

[jvgrad02]

Badger,
this is how it goes.

Why was Jesus not born in State College?

They could not find three wise men and a virgin!

 

[rureadyforsomefootball]

Originally posted by jvgrad02:
Badger,
this is how it goes.

Why was Jesus not born in State College?

They could not find three wise men and a virgin!

Lol, I always thought that joke started with Keansburg?

 

[rureadyforsomefootball]

Originally posted by hawkssox1:

A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weeks later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".

This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1
This post was edited on 8/18 9:17 PM by hawkssox1

Lol, that was a good one!

 

[jvgrad02]

Hope I don't offend people with these.


How did the germans invade Poland? They walked in backwards and said they were leaving!

Why did the jewish family attend the football game? They thought a quarterback was a refund!

Why was Jesus Christ not born in Puerto Rico? They could not find three wise men and a virgin!

 

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Take This Board...Please!


MO

 

[wheezer]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

 

[RutgersRaRa]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

Originally posted by wheezer:
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just so I can feel like a bomb defuser.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company.

 

[RUBubba]

Re: Take This Board...Please!


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

 

[jiggscasey]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

If you get beat up by the cops whilst in blackface who is the real racist?

 

[Extra Point_rivals157299]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

Mike Leach said of one of his players "He does not know the meaning of fear. And after seeing his test scores, I think there are a lot of words he does not know the meaning of."

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

It's the Christmas season, and a guy walks into a bar in Atlanta, GA and notices a Nativity Scene behind the bar. The Three Wise Men are all wearing fireman's hats. He asks the bartender why the Magi are wearing fireman's hats and the barkeep says, "Well, everyone knows that they came from afar."

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill!

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

 

[MusicFreaks]

Re: Take This Board...Please!


What do you a boomerang that doesn't return?

A stick

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?!

WAT-AAAAAAAAA

 

[DJ Spanky]

Re: Take This Board...Please!

Two dragons walk into a bar. Dragon One: "It's hot in here." Dragon Two: "Shut your mouth!"