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OT: One Line Jokes

L

LC-88

All-Conference
Apr 24, 2010
7,160
2,795
0
Originally posted by DJ Spanky:
You're not fat, you're just ... easier to see.
Click to expand...
You're not fat, you're just ..... too short for your weight.





The number one question that clients ask their lawyers in West Virginia: "If I divorce my wife, is she still my sister?"

What's the definition of a (insert ethnic group here) virgin? A girl that can run faster than her brothers.
This post was edited on 9/2 11:53 PM by LC-88
 
R

RUinSD

Freshman
May 6, 2013
372
98
0
How many average sized runway models can fit in a bathtub?




None, they all go down the drain.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A$$holes" A man at the end of the bar stands up and says, " I object to that remark!" The guy says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the man replies, "No, I'm an A$$hole!"
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
I shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section!
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
An amnesiac walks into a bar: the bartender asks, "What can I get you today?" The amnesiac says, "I don't know, I have trouble remembering things." The bartender says, "Like what?"
 
D

Doctor Worm

Heisman
Feb 7, 2002
30,394
22,327
113
I thought the amnesiac walked into the bar, saw a pretty girl, and asked "Do I come here often?"
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
Jerry Sandusky walks into an elementary school as classes are getting out and the teacher asks him "which child is yours?"

He says "I don't care, surprise me."
 
S

ScarletKnightRider

Senior
Sep 2, 2013
2,078
769
0
Originally posted by RUROCKIN:
Jerry Sandusky walks into an elementary school as classes are getting out and the teacher asks him "which child is yours?"

He says "I don't care, surprise me."
Click to expand...
killin me
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
I want to die like my Grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
 
S

Stem

Junior
Jan 2, 2006
1,018
345
0
I'll change my Facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and I press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
 
S

Stem

Junior
Jan 2, 2006
1,018
345
0
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
 
M

mkollar

Sophomore
Jan 5, 2006
4,327
120
0
From Leggett's Sand Bar:


"The best way to describe the difference between involvement and commitment is 'bacon & eggs'. The chicken is involved but the pig is committed. which one are you?"
 
R

RUBubba

All-Conference
Sep 4, 2002
4,959
2,672
113
Originally posted by Rokodesh:
if your wife ever says "take me somewhere expensive", drive her to the gas station
Click to expand...
My wife asked me to take her someplace expensive.... I brought her to the church where we got married.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
Wow, a month and a half's worth of jokes disappeared!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
 
J

JMORC2003

All-Conference
Dec 22, 2008
4,609
2,535
0
An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know what they are because they talked about it every two minutes
 
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S

SkilletHead2

All-American
Sep 30, 2005
24,451
9,276
113
Polish Customs Official: Name?
German tourist: Walter Schmidt.
Polish Customs Official: Occupation?
German tourist: No, just visiting.
 
R

R1776U

All-American
Sep 7, 2009
7,557
6,245
0
What did James invest in? ..... BONDS!!

 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
Irish saying: There are only three kinds of men who don't understand women: young men, old men, and middle aged men.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
What's the difference between a 16" pizza and a musician? A 16" pizza can feed a family of four.
 
N

NightKnight

All-Conference
Jul 21, 2008
3,221
1,629
68
I've got a racing snail. He's been getting of to a slow start. I removed his shell, but that has only made him more sluggish.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,319
59,236
113
My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.
 
R

RU Husky

All-Conference
Sep 26, 2011
4,890
2,161
0
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
 
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