OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
- Start date
Stolen from the internet...
This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sex in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious tits" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim dick".
So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious tits?" The dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat".
She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim dick?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots".
Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "****!". The daughter then asks,"What does **** mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety".
The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "****". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does **** mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety".
About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious tits and drop your slim dicks, my dad is upstairs shitting and my mom's fvcking the turkey".
This post was edited on 11/25 5:28 PM by mildone
This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sex in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious tits" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim dick".
So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious tits?" The dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat".
She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim dick?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots".
Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "****!". The daughter then asks,"What does **** mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety".
The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "****". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does **** mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety".
About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious tits and drop your slim dicks, my dad is upstairs shitting and my mom's fvcking the turkey".
This post was edited on 11/25 5:28 PM by mildone
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second a half a beer, the third a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender orders two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar. I know what each of them are because they mention it every two minutes.
Not a one liner, I though this was pretty funny....
A young pirate is talking to his captain...
"How'd you get your peg leg?"
Old pirate captain replies "yaarrr.... Me ship sank. I was rescued but not before a great white snagged me leg"
"Wow, how'd you get your hook hand?"
Old pirate replies... "Yaaarrr... Me ship was boarded, I repelled the bastards but not before they took me hand"
"How'd you get you you eye patch"
"Yaaar a sea gull sh*t in me eye"
"I don't understand, you lost your eye from that?"
"Yaar... It was me first day with the hook"
A young pirate is talking to his captain...
"How'd you get your peg leg?"
Old pirate captain replies "yaarrr.... Me ship sank. I was rescued but not before a great white snagged me leg"
"Wow, how'd you get your hook hand?"
Old pirate replies... "Yaaarrr... Me ship was boarded, I repelled the bastards but not before they took me hand"
"How'd you get you you eye patch"
"Yaaar a sea gull sh*t in me eye"
"I don't understand, you lost your eye from that?"
"Yaar... It was me first day with the hook"
Old wino goes to the doctor complaining of stomach pain, doctor does an exam and can't find anything wrong with him. He says "I have to be honest, I can't find anything wrong with you, it must be the drinking". Wino replies, "ok fine, I'll come back when you're sober".
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great!
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great!
If you locked your wife and your dog in the trunk, when you finally opened it, who would be the happiest to see you?
One day in a bank, an old lady asked me if I could help her check her balance...so I pushed her over.