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OT: One Line Jokes

DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just saying that you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up, I could build the coolest tree house ever!
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
What's the difference between sex and death? Death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
 
M

Mikemarc

Heisman
Nov 28, 2005
69,220
17,902
97
You hear about the 2 guys who were arrested for stealing a calendar? They each got 6 months.
 
R

RU1977

All-Conference
Nov 15, 2006
7,204
2,572
113
Why do they call them buildings when they are already done building them? They should call them builts or crumblings.....
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
What's the difference between a bad rifleman and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other…

This post was edited on 8/11 12:52 PM by RUROCKIN
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
In memory of RW:

What do you get when you cross a mobster with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
 
Hawkssox1

Hawkssox1

Sophomore
May 2, 2010
11,822
150
63
A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weeks later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".
Click to expand...

This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1

This post was edited on 8/18 9:17 PM by hawkssox1
 
M

mildone_rivals

Heisman
Dec 19, 2011
55,607
51,272
0
Originally posted by hawkssox1:
A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weekas later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".
Click to expand...
This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1
Click to expand...
 
J

jvgrad02

Sophomore
May 27, 2005
850
170
0
Badger,
this is how it goes.

Why was Jesus not born in State College?

They could not find three wise men and a virgin!
 
rureadyforsomefootball

rureadyforsomefootball

All-Conference
Aug 20, 2005
5,270
2,087
113
Originally posted by jvgrad02:
Badger,
this is how it goes.

Why was Jesus not born in State College?

They could not find three wise men and a virgin!
Click to expand...
Lol, I always thought that joke started with Keansburg?
 
rureadyforsomefootball

rureadyforsomefootball

All-Conference
Aug 20, 2005
5,270
2,087
113
Originally posted by hawkssox1:
A 9yr year old gets home from school early to find his mom and a stranger going at it.He slips into the closet just as his dad pulls in the driveway.The stranger jumps out of bed and into the same closet.Kid "dark in in here"Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a golf ball" Man "thats nice" Kid "want to buy it?" Man "no" Kid "my dads out side" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$250" Man "sold". Two weeks later the same thing happens. Kid "dark in here" Man "yes it is" Kid "I have a wedge" Man "ok how much?" Kid "$750" Man "sold".A few weeks later the Dad says to the son "grab your golf ball abd wedge and we will practice.Son" I cant I sold them for $1000".Dad "that is awful to charge your friends that much.Get in the car we are going to church.They arrive the Dad immediately makes his son go in the confessional. Kid "dark in here" Priest"Dont start that CRAP with me again your in my closet now".
Click to expand...

This post was edited on 8/18 7:41 PM by hawkssox1
This post was edited on 8/18 9:17 PM by hawkssox1
Click to expand...
Lol, that was a good one!
 
J

jvgrad02

Sophomore
May 27, 2005
850
170
0
Hope I don't offend people with these.


How did the germans invade Poland? They walked in backwards and said they were leaving!

Why did the jewish family attend the football game? They thought a quarterback was a refund!

Why was Jesus Christ not born in Puerto Rico? They could not find three wise men and a virgin!
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just so I can feel like a bomb defuser.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company.
 
R

RUBubba

All-Conference
Sep 4, 2002
4,960
2,672
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!


Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
 
J

jiggscasey

Freshman
Nov 29, 2003
5,918
68
0
Re: Take This Board...Please!

If you get beat up by the cops whilst in blackface who is the real racist?
 
E

Extra Point_rivals157299

All-Conference
Aug 9, 2001
13,166
4,692
0
Re: Take This Board...Please!

Mike Leach said of one of his players "He does not know the meaning of fear. And after seeing his test scores, I think there are a lot of words he does not know the meaning of."
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

It's the Christmas season, and a guy walks into a bar in Atlanta, GA and notices a Nativity Scene behind the bar. The Three Wise Men are all wearing fireman's hats. He asks the bartender why the Magi are wearing fireman's hats and the barkeep says, "Well, everyone knows that they came from afar."
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill!
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
 
M

MusicFreaks

Sophomore
Nov 7, 2002
5,118
152
0
Re: Take This Board...Please!


What do you a boomerang that doesn't return?

A stick

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?!

WAT-AAAAAAAAA
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Re: Take This Board...Please!

Two dragons walk into a bar. Dragon One: "It's hot in here." Dragon Two: "Shut your mouth!"
 
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