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OT: One Line Jokes

R

RUTBAY

Senior
Dec 14, 2006
2,616
472
0
A higgs boson walks into a church in the middle of a service to the surprise of the priest who asks "what are you doing here so late?" to which the particle replies "Hey, you can't have mass without me!"

This post was edited on 1/20 7:18 PM by RUTBAY
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
I'm not saying she's fat. But if I had to name five of the fattest people I know, she'd be three of them.
 
Z

zappaa

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
75,031
91,828
103
What did the blind doctor say to the patient?...Sorry I can't see you now!
 
J

JMORC2003

All-Conference
Dec 22, 2008
4,609
2,535
0
Deleted by my better judgement. This is a family board.
This post was edited on 1/28 10:27 AM by JMORC2003
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions.
 
Z

zappaa

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
75,031
91,828
103
Someone asked my dad what Casey Stengel would think of today's brand of baseball?

My dad said: if Casey was alive today, he'd roll over in his grave.
 
Z

zappaa

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
75,031
91,828
103
The pizza man asked my dad if he wanted his personal pizza cut in 3 slices or 4

He said 3, I don't think I can eat 4
 
Z

zappaa

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
75,031
91,828
103
Two nude streakers ran onto the field in front of Yogi.

When he got home I asked him if they were boys or girls?

He said: I couldn't tell, they had bags over their heads.
 
Upstream

Upstream

Heisman
Jul 31, 2001
35,284
10,251
113
thanks Zap.
 
M

mkollar

Sophomore
Jan 5, 2006
4,327
120
0
Thanks Zappa. I still think one of the best from your father was when Joe Torre asked him what time it is. Your Dad was to have said, "It's now."
 
J

JMORC2003

All-Conference
Dec 22, 2008
4,609
2,535
0
Mickey Mouse walks into a divorce lawyers office for his first meeting, lawyer says, "I'm sorry, but my assistant is terrible at taking notes. You're divorcing Minnie because she's extremely silly?"

"No" replies Mickey, "she's f%#king Goofy"
 
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DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
 
K

Kbuckeye1

Redshirt
Jul 24, 2009
23,402
1
0
Q: How do you get an elephant to tap dance?

A: Take the N out of NO and the F out of Way.

(You will have to figure out the answer your self.)
 
J

JMORC2003

All-Conference
Dec 22, 2008
4,609
2,535
0
A penguin walks into an airport. He doesn't even make it past security because penguins can't fly.
 
J

JMORC2003

All-Conference
Dec 22, 2008
4,609
2,535
0
The other night my wife woke me up in the middle of the night saying she heard a burglar downstairs, so I went down to take a look, only to realize I don't have a wife, then I went back upstairs and my bed and TV were gone.
 
Knight Shift

Knight Shift

Heisman
May 19, 2011
88,743
86,740
113
Did you hear about the optician who fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
I can't believe another couple pages of jokes are now gone. Aargh!

Oh, well.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,415
59,348
113
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
 
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