OT: One Line Jokes

[SkilletHead2]

Some people have the one line thing down, others have the joke part.

 

[DJ Spanky]

You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!

 

[WhiteBus]

Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar. They each got 6 months!

 

[DJ Spanky]

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

 

[DJ Spanky]

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

 

[DJ Spanky]

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

 

[Upstream]

Wow, this thread is still around! Well, here goes:

Did you hear about the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? The each got 6 months.

 

[WhiteBus]

Wow, this thread is still around! Well, here goes:

Did you hear about the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? The each got 6 months.

Did you get that from Big Joe Henry or my post just above?[banana]

 

[RU05]

Did you get that from Big Joe Henry or my post just above?[banana]

That joke is like the wheels on the bus. Goes round and round.

 

[Upstream]

Did you get that from Big Joe Henry or my post just above?[banana]

Whoops. I didn't realize that you posted than just a few posts above mine. I got it from Amazon Echo, when I said, "Alexa, tell me a joke."

 

[DJ Spanky]

Whoops. I didn't realize that you posted than just a few posts above mine. I got it from Amazon Echo, when I said, "Alexa, tell me a joke."

How was her delivery?

 

[MadRU]

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker Face.

 

[Upstream]

How was her delivery?

Great. I have Amazon Prime so the box was delivered next day for free.

 

[LC-88]

She said "Give me twelve inches, and make it hurt." So I screwed her four times, and hit her over the head with a hammer."

 

[LC-88]

She said, "Give me eleven inches, and make it hurt " So I bought her Subway Footlong, and hit her over the head with a hammer.

 

[DJ Spanky]

How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

 

[DJ Spanky]

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

 

[PoorTailor]

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he is gone.

 

[NickKnight 1]

I once knew a lady with a wooden leg she was called Peg.
I once knew a lady with a glass eye she was called Crystal.
I once knew a mountain named Cliff.
So I called myself..........Self.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'm watching my neighbor through the blinds: he's so creepy.

 

[FELONIOUSMONK]

Used to have to do at least two lines before the laughter would begin. Never a one liner.Ahh the good/bad old days.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

 

[Mr_Twister]

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

No jelly donuts.

 

[greenknight]

This has to be the longest running thread ever

 

[Upstream]

This has to be the longest running thread ever

the famous "Delete Thread" from about 10 years ago was well over 100 pages before it crashed the Rivals servers and got deleted.

 

[Upstream]

What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells.

 

[WhiteBus]

Girl: I can't be your Valentine for medical reasons.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, you make me sick!

 

[willisneverrana43]

You wouldn't know a classy broad if she took a dump on your head.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

 

[DJ Spanky]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

 

[DJ Spanky]

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures were just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

 

[Rutgers85_rivals]

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ***? A mechanic...

 

[Rutgers85_rivals]

What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

 

[Rutgers85_rivals]

Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a "wound" it closed

 

[RU05]

I once knew a lady with a wooden leg she was called Peg.
I once knew a lady with a glass eye she was called Crystal.
I once knew a mountain named Cliff.
So I called myself..........Self.

Im not sure Im fulling understanding this, but I do think it's funny.

 

[DJ Spanky]

This isn't working out. I think we should start making other people miserable.

 

[MadRU]

What do you call a snarky criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending condescending.

 

[ru75]

One night a drunk Scotsman passes out on a park bench. Two lassies see him, take off all his clothes and tie a bue ribbon around his prick.

He wakes up the next morning, looks at his prick and says,
"I don't know where you been laddie, but I'm glad to see you won first prize."

 

[DJ Spanky]

One night a drunk Scotsman passes out on a park bench. Two lassies see him, take off all his clothes and tie a bue ribbon around his prick.

He wakes up the next morning, looks at his prick and says,
"I don't know where you been laddie, but I'm glad to see you won first prize."

Um, you do know that's a song, don't you?

 

[ru75]

Um, you do know that's a song, don't you?

Ha ha I did not!