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OT: One Line Jokes

DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
 
Upstream

Upstream

Heisman
Jul 31, 2001
35,284
10,251
113
Wow, this thread is still around! Well, here goes:

Did you hear about the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? The each got 6 months.
 
L

LC-88

All-Conference
Apr 24, 2010
7,160
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She said "Give me twelve inches, and make it hurt." So I screwed her four times, and hit her over the head with a hammer."
 
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LC-88

All-Conference
Apr 24, 2010
7,160
2,795
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She said, "Give me eleven inches, and make it hurt " So I bought her Subway Footlong, and hit her over the head with a hammer.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
 
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NickKnight 1

All-Conference
Mar 22, 2003
8,778
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I once knew a lady with a wooden leg she was called Peg.
I once knew a lady with a glass eye she was called Crystal.
I once knew a mountain named Cliff.
So I called myself..........Self.
 
F

FELONIOUSMONK

All-American
Apr 1, 2012
11,909
5,090
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Used to have to do at least two lines before the laughter would begin. Never a one liner.Ahh the good/bad old days.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
 
Upstream

Upstream

Heisman
Jul 31, 2001
35,284
10,251
113
What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells.
 
WhiteBus

WhiteBus

Heisman
Oct 4, 2011
39,516
21,918
113
Girl: I can't be your Valentine for medical reasons.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, you make me sick!
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures were just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.
 
R

RU05

All-American
Jun 25, 2015
14,827
9,228
113
NickKnight 1 said:
I once knew a lady with a wooden leg she was called Peg.
I once knew a lady with a glass eye she was called Crystal.
I once knew a mountain named Cliff.
So I called myself..........Self.
Click to expand...
Im not sure Im fulling understanding this, but I do think it's funny.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
This isn't working out. I think we should start making other people miserable.
 
MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,214
19,518
98
What do you call a snarky criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending condescending.
 
R

ru75

All-Conference
Dec 3, 2003
7,455
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One night a drunk Scotsman passes out on a park bench. Two lassies see him, take off all his clothes and tie a bue ribbon around his prick.

He wakes up the next morning, looks at his prick and says,
"I don't know where you been laddie, but I'm glad to see you won first prize."
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,220
59,125
113
ru75 said:
One night a drunk Scotsman passes out on a park bench. Two lassies see him, take off all his clothes and tie a bue ribbon around his prick.

He wakes up the next morning, looks at his prick and says,
"I don't know where you been laddie, but I'm glad to see you won first prize."
Click to expand...
Um, you do know that's a song, don't you?

 
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