OT: One Line Jokes

[DJ Spanky]

Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 9.

 

[DJ Spanky]

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

[DJ Spanky]

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

 

[OTBOTOR]

A Native American guy goes to his psychiatrist and says, "Doc, ya gotta help me. I'm so conflicted. Some days I feel like a wigwam, other days I feel like a teepee."
Doc says, "You need to relax. You're too tense (two tents)."

 

[OTBOTOR]

1: knock knock
2: who's there?
1: Daisy
2: Daisy who?
1:

 

[DJ Spanky]

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

 

[DJ Spanky]

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

 

[DJ Spanky]

A liberal is just a conservative who hasn't been mugged yet.

 

[Hawkssox1]

What do you have with 50 lesbians and 50 govt workers?100 people that don't do dick!!

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!

 

[Hawkssox1]

I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!

I resemble that remark!!

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ***.

 

[Hawkssox1]

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ***.

God only knows you have been trying and it is a bit annoying.

 

[DJ Spanky]

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ***? A mechanic!

 

[DJ Spanky]

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

 

[SkilletHead2]

You can do it, Spanky! Three more and we hit 500 replies!

 

[DJ Spanky]

Don't steal: that's the government's job.

 

[DJ Spanky]

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

 

[DJ Spanky]

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

 

[Blitz8RU]

Penn St vs Temple

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'm busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?

 

[DJ Spanky]

I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

 

[DJ Spanky]

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

 

[DJ Spanky]

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

[DJ Spanky]

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

 

[Mikemarc]

Eating clocks is time consuming.

But if a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

 

[DJ Spanky]

You're so fat, you could sell shade.

 

[beaced_rivals]

Saw a sign at a local dry cleaners advertising French Cleaning.I think that I know how they get the clothes clean.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

 

[DJ Spanky]

Even people who are totally useless can bring a smile to your face, when pushed down a flight of stairs........

 

[DJ Spanky]

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

 

[DJ Spanky]

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

 

[DJ Spanky]

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I always knew that I could never be a lawyer because of my inability to pass a bar.

 

[DJ Spanky]

The last airline I flew charged for everything. Except for the bad service. That was free.

 

[DJ Spanky]

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

That just brought to mind this:

 

[DJ Spanky]

Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.

 

[DJ Spanky]

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.