OT: One Line Jokes

[NightKnight]

My friend lost his job at the orange juice factory. He just couldn't concentrate .

 

[NightKnight]

My friend lost his job at the drill press. He was sick of the hole boring business anyway.

 

[Willie Lump]

Why don't Mexicans barbeque beans? Because they'd fall through the grill

 

[JMORC2003]

Friend of mine starting dating twins... How do you tell them apart? I asked.
He replies... Easy, Sally has huge cans and Tom has a mustache.

 

[6hearts]

I got caught cheating on my philosophy final. I failed for looking into the soul of the student sitting next to me.

 

[Rokodesh]

why did Mexico lose the battle at the Alamo?

they only took two vans

 

[Rokodesh]

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

 

[Rokodesh]

Rodney Dangerfield jokes are the best for these:

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

 

[DJ Spanky]

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

 

[DJ Spanky]

When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

 

[Vlife]

My math teacher called me average

That was mean

 

[DJ Spanky]

You know what I did before I got married? Anything I wanted to.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

 

[DJ Spanky]

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up, remember...you can always change your birthday on Facebook!

 

[DJ Spanky]

Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I always take life with a grain of salt ... plus a slice of lemon ... and a shot of tequila.

 

[DJ Spanky]

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 

[Mikemarc]

I told my doctor I think I'm addicted to Twitter. He said, "Sorry, but I'm not following you..."

 

[DJ Spanky]

The secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

 

[RUROCKIN]

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around is he still wrong?

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

 

[DJ Spanky]

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

 

[ScarletKnightRider]

Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

 

[DJ Spanky]

We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober.

 

[beaced_rivals]

We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober.

No joke to add.Just a comment .THIS PAGE ROCKS. GOOD STUFF.

 

[DJ Spanky]

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****.

 

[DJ Spanky]

What's the difference between a slut and a *****? A slut will have sex with anyone: a ***** will have sex with anyone but you.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

 

[JMORC2003]

i saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching....
Into reverse and getting the heck away from the scene of the accident.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I'm emotionally constipated: I haven't given a **** in days.

 

[DJ Spanky]

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are.

 

[GeorgeStreet]

I got an iPad for my wife. Best trade I ever made.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Telling a woman to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

 

[DJ Spanky]

They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.

 

[DJ Spanky]

What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I bet you I could stop gambling.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.