Let's see if I can translate:
She comes storming into the cafe at 2:00 AM, a time all "adults" have concluded that nothing good happens, unless you are working or sleeping.
She had about 15 drinks with her boyfriend, Joe Mixon, who had toked a few, making him feel like "Superman" and Satan's gift to women! (Hate the reference of "God's gift to women").
Outside, he is talking to a couple of ***** hos he met night before, setting up plans for later. His main squeeze, Blondie, is observing all this and goes off on him in front of his homies. Mr. football hero, says: " Naw *****, that sh't ain't hapnin out heah." I am yo man and you do what I say cause you know dat thing be good to to tight ***."
So she storms back in to the table, steaming that this pos thinks he can walk all over her. He comes back in to make sure she understands who is boss and tells her "I can 17 whoever I want *****!" ( He actually uses 17 because he reads sixpack regularly).
She goes all period and sh't on him, pushes him and slaps him and says: "naw, you MY man!" So he says " I am MY own man and I don't take sh't from no blonde ho from Texas! BAM! Die *****!"
He drops the hammer!
Shows over. Peace. Out!