Ok deal
@UrHuckleberry I went ahead and translated all of the above for us in KJV:
The Epistle to the Ignorant
1 Behold, of all the epistles inscribed in this place, thine is the most foolish and void of understanding; neither doth it rest upon a single pillar of truth.
2 Sayest thou that Persia is a mighty empire? I laugh thee to scorn. Verily, thou hast not searched the chronicles, and the days of old are hidden from thine eyes.
3 Consider the fields of Chancellorsville, the Bay of Swine, and the Snare of the Tiger, wherein our own brethren were slain by our own hands; yea, look unto the lands of Korea and Vietnam. Shall I yet recount more to lay bare thy foolishness?
4 Four hundred and fifty of our men of valor fell by our doing in the days of the Tiger. Add unto this the sorrows of Persia in the reign of Carter, and the six score save two of our countrymen who perished at the Bay of Swine.
5 Thou art utterly blind, and knowest nothing of the generations of old. Shall I speak unto thee of the greatest ruin that befell the hosts of the Britons in the Great War? Shall I yet declare thy lack of wisdom?
6 For thirty thousand souls of Britain perished in the wilderness of Gallipoli. Gird up thy loins and strive more mightily. Lord have mercy, all this vanity for a mind vexed with derangement!
7 It is not I who spreadeth falsehoods born of empty wind; rather, it is ye. I did but speak the very words of the ruler’s second.
8 Yet ye hearken unto the scribes and the town criers, knowing full well we rendered tribute unto Persia with the silver of our own land.
9 O God of heaven, canst thou not deal in the truth? Our undertaking prospered exceedingly. None but the simple and the fool say that our campaign against Persia hath failed.
10 I have already made my decree; I shall not write it a second time. Cast thine eyes to the words above.
11 Thinkest thou that Persia retaineth her strength? I mock thee! They possess but a remnant of fiery darts and flying vessels. Persia is but a thorn in the flesh at best.
12 If thou believest otherwise, the truth is not in thee. Yet this thou knowest well, for thou hast been a herald of their dung-hill of deceits these many weeks.
13 Come now, and let us reason together. Dost thou truly believe we did not smite their host and scatter their armies? I pray thee, what remaineth unto them?
14 Declare unto us all the might of the Persian host, if thou canst. My soul waiteth eagerly upon thine answer.