I do see both sides of it. The punishment needs to fit the crime to an extent to. If he was any way shape or form involved that video, gone. If he physically abused a women, child, dog, cat, gone. He was embarrassed and hurt that is ex shut him down. He was pissed and wanted to hurt her. For whatever reason he still had the video ( which apparently many kids at the time had). Why he kept it who knows, maybe after 3 years he forgot he had and only remember once she contacted him.
I think what many are getting hung up on is the Child porn thing. Looking at it in context, it is a technicality. The dude is not a pedophile he is not a danger to children. He was a guy who was embarrassed and hurt and want to make her feel equally embarrassed and hurt. He is guilty of making a horrible decision. Doesn't mean he is instantly a bad kid.
That being said, if stuff like this becomes a pattern absolutely get him out of here.