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OT: One Line Jokes

R

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All-American
Jun 24, 2001
28,586
6,762
113
Da Zapmaster is IN DA HOUSE!

But seriously...

Liked your response: made me laugh out loud.

How's it going with the sinuses? Pretty much over it now...

Hope you're doing well.

MO
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
 
R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
I think my neighbor is stalking me because she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
 
R

RUTBAY

Senior
Dec 14, 2006
2,616
472
0
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer walks back to the rear of the car and lifts the trunk.
"Hey" says the cop. "Do you know you have a dead cat in here"
A angry Schrödinger replies "Well we do now."
 
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R

RUROCKIN

Sophomore
Dec 18, 2008
3,665
156
0
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I bet you $4,567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Dear couples who fight in public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
 
WhiteBus

WhiteBus

Heisman
Oct 4, 2011
39,520
21,922
113
My less than handsome friend said the first time he had sex, he cried. I asked him it was the result of the pepper spray?
 
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R

RUTBAY

Senior
Dec 14, 2006
2,616
472
0
Two friends are sitting on a bridge a foot and a half over a river. One, trying to impress the other with the length his penis, unzips his pants and let's it dip into the water. Turning to his friend he remarks "wow this water sure is cold". The other does the same and then replies, "I don't about cold but it sure is deep".
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,639
59,663
113
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,639
59,663
113
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.
 
W

Willie Lump

Freshman
Feb 2, 2002
98
72
0
What did the WWII American prisoners dislike the most being in a German POW camp?

Putting up with sourkrauts
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,639
59,663
113
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
 
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