OT: One Line Jokes

[RU848789]

At the risk of getting some hate mail, how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
















Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to blow me.

 

[dtn108arw]

How many psychologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?




Only one, but the light bulb has got to really WANT to change.

 

[zappaa]

Why dad the man bring a yard stick to bed?


He wanted to measure how long he slept.

 

[CapeCodKnight]

I now live in Seattle, teach at UW (Huskies). Favorite joke about their hated in-state rival, WSU (Cougars).

How do you get a cougar off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!

 

[loki_dog]

My boys had a good laugh from these (well not all). Good stuff.
Posted from Rivals Mobile

 

[rob331996]

The winner is RUich. Laughed my *** off

 

[RUJohnny99]

"Dad, can I have ten dollars to get a guinea pig?"
"Here's twenty dollars son. Get yourself a nice Irish girl instead"

 

[RutgersRaRa]

I had a dream last night that I was Chinese. When I woke up I was totally disoriented.

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

A seal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what can I get you?" The seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club."

 

[Innermind]

Two cannibals were sitting around a campfire eating a clown. The one cannibal says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[RutgersNJ]

Originally posted by WhiteBus:

SayHey,
That's a long why to go for that joke

(and didn't she meet him working at the county fair or boardwalk??)

anyway, I'll get the thread back on topic (and yes, I got a million of em!)

I gave up bowling for sex, the balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.

No, first line was she meet him at a bar.

 

[RUengg1991]

April showers bring May flowers........what do May flowers bring?










Pilgrims

 

[Upstream]

Why did Washington cross the Delaware?


To get away from that team from Pennsylvania.

 

[SirScarlet]

Why'd the snowman get a hard on?

Cause he heard the snowblower coming...
Posted from Rivals Mobile

 

[RUseaweed]

How many fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one that stands still as the world revolves around him.

 

[Yeah Baby]

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there is no atmosphere.

 

[mdh2003]

Two nuts were walking down the street - one was assaulted.

 

[Extra Point_rivals157299]

Why did Oscar Pistorious plead guilty? Because he didn't have a leg to stand on.

 

[Extra Point_rivals157299]

Why did the blond woman go to the post office 50 times a day? Because her computer kept saying You've got mail.

 

[Extra Point_rivals157299]

Not really a joke but my father used to say this all the time:

'Lets see', said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw

 

[Extra Point_rivals157299]

May the 4th be with you. (Star Wars joke I just heard)

 

[hoquat63]

Man who loses key to girl friends apartment gets no new key.

 

[beaced_rivals]

I am usually somber faced until I have eaten Breakfast but I have to admit being completely amused this morning. Thanks for starting this thread.

 

[mkollar]

Originally posted by CapeKnight:
I now live in Seattle, teach at UW (Huskies). Favorite joke about their hated in-state rival, WSU (Cougars).

How do you get a cougar off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!

Oldie but a goodie.

We can ask the same thing about how to get rid of PSU grads from our front porches.

 

[beaced_rivals]

Just to keep this going,I looked this one up on line. "Before I criticize a man I have to walk a mile in his shoes.That way I am a mile away when I do criticize him and I have his shoes."

 

[Sideline20]

Confucius say "He who goes to bed with itchy rear wake up with smelly fingers"

 

[Blitz8RU]

Syracuse

 

[GSGS]

OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

 

[Mikemarc]

A guy with an axe, goggles, and a hardhat with a light on it walked into a bar

Bartender said sorry, we don't serve miners here.

 

[RutgersNJ]

Originally posted by GSGS:
OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

lol

 

[RUheart]

kids jokes

Whats' s the difference between broccoli and boogers?!


"who eats broccoli"


what do you call a deer with no eyes??




no I deer

 

[Doctor Worm]

Q - How many PSU Joepologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A - Change? Change???

 

[rutcor]

Originally posted by RUseaweed:
How did Hitler tie his shoes?

In little Nazies.

That's horrible. Anne frankly, I'm offended.

 

[NickKnight 1]

What's the difference between a dead girl scout and a bowling ball?

You can,t pick up a bowling ball with a pitch fork.

 

[beaced_rivals]

And the winner is!!!

Originally posted by GSGS:
OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

 

[DJ Spanky]

What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.

 

[RUheart]

what did the blind man say in the fish market?









good morning ladies!

 

[RUissy1]

What do Kobe Bryant and Diet Coke have in common?


Both came in a white can.

 

[DHajekRC84]

When does a Chinese guy go to the dentist?













"tooth Hurty"

 

[RutgersRaRa]

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?













She fell out of the tree.