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OT: One Line Jokes

R

RU848789

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
65,427
44,445
113
At the risk of getting some hate mail, how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
















Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to blow me.
 
D

dtn108arw

Redshirt
Oct 19, 2007
7,742
1
0
How many psychologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?




Only one, but the light bulb has got to really WANT to change.
 
Z

zappaa

Heisman
Jul 27, 2001
75,482
92,463
103
Why dad the man bring a yard stick to bed?


He wanted to measure how long he slept.
 
C

CapeCodKnight

Freshman
Jul 31, 2008
223
71
28
I now live in Seattle, teach at UW (Huskies). Favorite joke about their hated in-state rival, WSU (Cougars).

How do you get a cougar off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!
 
R

RUJohnny99

All-American
Nov 7, 2003
64,666
5,961
113
"Dad, can I have ten dollars to get a guinea pig?"
"Here's twenty dollars son. Get yourself a nice Irish girl instead"
 
LotusAggressor_rivals

LotusAggressor_rivals

All-American
Oct 11, 2003
16,363
8,225
113
A seal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what can I get you?" The seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club."
 
I

Innermind

Sophomore
Sep 18, 2012
933
165
0
Two cannibals were sitting around a campfire eating a clown. The one cannibal says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
 
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RutgersNJ

RutgersNJ

Sophomore
Jan 29, 2013
1,201
169
63
Originally posted by WhiteBus:

SayHey,
That's a long why to go for that joke
(and didn't she meet him working at the county fair or boardwalk??)

anyway, I'll get the thread back on topic (and yes, I got a million of em!)

I gave up bowling for sex, the balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.
Click to expand...
No, first line was she meet him at a bar.
 
Upstream

Upstream

Heisman
Jul 31, 2001
35,286
10,254
113
Why did Washington cross the Delaware?


To get away from that team from Pennsylvania.
 
R

RUseaweed

Senior
Dec 8, 2007
3,518
490
83
How many fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one that stands still as the world revolves around him.
 
Y

Yeah Baby

All-American
Aug 14, 2001
19,261
6,466
0
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food is great but there is no atmosphere.
 
B

beaced_rivals

Heisman
Jul 18, 2004
32,005
10,324
113
I am usually somber faced until I have eaten Breakfast but I have to admit being completely amused this morning. Thanks for starting this thread.
 
M

mkollar

Sophomore
Jan 5, 2006
4,327
120
0
Originally posted by CapeKnight:
I now live in Seattle, teach at UW (Huskies). Favorite joke about their hated in-state rival, WSU (Cougars).

How do you get a cougar off your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza!
Click to expand...
Oldie but a goodie.

We can ask the same thing about how to get rid of PSU grads from our front porches.
 
B

beaced_rivals

Heisman
Jul 18, 2004
32,005
10,324
113
Just to keep this going,I looked this one up on line. "Before I criticize a man I have to walk a mile in his shoes.That way I am a mile away when I do criticize him and I have his shoes."
 
G

GSGS

Heisman
Aug 2, 2001
28,989
23,059
113
OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
 
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M

Mikemarc

Heisman
Nov 28, 2005
69,220
17,902
97
A guy with an axe, goggles, and a hardhat with a light on it walked into a bar

Bartender said sorry, we don't serve miners here.
 
RutgersNJ

RutgersNJ

Sophomore
Jan 29, 2013
1,201
169
63
Originally posted by GSGS:
OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
Click to expand...
lol
 
R

RUheart

Sophomore
Aug 5, 2001
1,003
161
0
kids jokes

Whats' s the difference between broccoli and boogers?!


"who eats broccoli"


what do you call a deer with no eyes??




no I deer
 
N

NickKnight 1

All-Conference
Mar 22, 2003
8,778
2,052
0
What's the difference between a dead girl scout and a bowling ball?

You can,t pick up a bowling ball with a pitch fork.
 
B

beaced_rivals

Heisman
Jul 18, 2004
32,005
10,324
113
And the winner is!!!
Originally posted by GSGS:
OK, not a one-liner, but funny nevertheless:


-----------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"


To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."


Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery???"



She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
Click to expand...
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
49,960
61,451
113
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
 
R

RUissy1

All-Conference
Jul 13, 2001
5,402
1,010
0
What do Kobe Bryant and Diet Coke have in common?


Both came in a white can.
 
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