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OT: Dad jokes

M

Mikemarc

Heisman
Nov 28, 2005
69,220
17,902
97
It’s the law that if it’s raining in Sweden, you have to drive with your headlights on.

But how the heck am I supposed to know that it’s raining in Sweden?!?!
 
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M

Mikemarc

Heisman
Nov 28, 2005
69,220
17,902
97
I’m addicted to singing the song “The lion sleeps tonight”

The urge to randomly just belt it out is always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…..
 
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R

RANDALLJ

Redshirt
Aug 29, 2005
16
4
0
what is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

1 is a Goodyear, the other is a Great year.
 
MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Ones a Superhero the other is a command.
 
D

Doteman

Senior
Mar 15, 2007
1,416
580
0
I dated a swiss girl once. Everything was going great until she took me to her hometown. Too many red flags
 
DJ Spanky

DJ Spanky

Heisman
Jul 25, 2001
48,700
59,754
113
What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.
 
MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
Did you hear about the cross eyed circumciser? He got the sack.
 
MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
I was made to walk the plank when I was a kid, we couldn’t afford a dog.
 
H

hoquat63

All-Conference
Mar 17, 2005
9,143
4,438
45
What would you get if you crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe?

A melon collie baby
 
M

Mikemarc

Heisman
Nov 28, 2005
69,220
17,902
97
I told my psychologist that some days i feel like a wigwam, and the next day i feel like a teepee. I asked her what was wrong?

She says, You're two tents. Relax.
 
R

RU Golfer

All-Conference
Dec 4, 2009
1,973
1,171
0
Someone called me yesterday sneezed, coughed and hung up.

Theses cold calls are sickening
 
MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
Dad joke Christmas edition

Mary gave birth to the baby Jesus
Jesus is known as the Lamb of God
So, in essence, Mary had a little lamb
 
W

WhoRU?

All-Conference
Feb 5, 2003
1,272
1,169
68
What did one snowman say to the other? I don’t know about you, but I smell carrots.
 
Last edited:
D

Dpgru

All-Conference
Jan 17, 2015
4,603
4,761
0
Why can’t you hear a pteradactyl in the bathroom?

Because the p is silent.
 
P

Purple-Ed

All-Conference
Mar 12, 2006
3,057
1,463
0
My eye doctor just told me I was color blind... geez, that came right outta the purple.
 
J

jOmega

Sophomore
Nov 1, 2001
112
143
27
Have you ever smelled moth balls?

(Yeah, sure)

How did you get between his legs?
 
S

Spartared

Freshman
Oct 14, 2024
89
70
0
A guy wants to start a bee farm to make honey
At the bee store he buys 12 bees to get started and pays
On the way out he realizes that the store owner put 13 bees in the container.
He turns around to show the owner who says no problem...the extra one is a freebie
 
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MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
Where do you go when you get hurt playing peek-a-boo?

The I.C.U.
 
R

RURollShot2

Sophomore
Dec 27, 2021
45
103
33
I can tell this since I'm 100% Polish...

Did you hear what happened to the Polish hockey team?


They drowned during Spring training.
 
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MadRU

MadRU

Heisman
Jul 26, 2001
38,381
19,576
98
Christmas Dad Jokes:

our local living Nativity scene was setup. They gave to role of the baby Jesus to my Swedish neighbor, The Savior was Bjorn.
 
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