-In my defense, I had just come from the gym in my short shorts and saw my mom walking my dog in her neighborhood (I was staying the night there), so I stopped parked the car and took the rest of the walk with them. She wanted to show me a new trail in the woods and boom I get Lyme disease…
-Damn, chicks man. This gal I’ve been randomly waxing, today texts me, “So I’ve been thinking, what if I move to Florida with you…”

ummm I’ve told you this is nothing more than hooking up. Like not even out for drinks and food. Plus, you have kids and ****.
“To be honest my exes (that’s right exes with kids) and I are making arrangements that will make it possible”
Not happening I’m sorry. I like to live in Florida to chase young tourists and act 25-30 as long as I can.
“We could make it work.”
Listen, you’re a convenient 6 with 4 kids from 2-3? different guys and you still live in Hardin County. I’m not taking a 6 with 4 kids to Florida with me, that’s LITERALLY the opposite of why I like living there.
“Okay, my heart is my heart”

I mean, yeah I’m a Dick but an honest one. Why in the touch would she even think I’d(or anyone) consider that as an option? Jesus H.