Going to sporting events problem

[DawgInThe256]

^THIS^ I think one of the best secrets of a happy marriage is the willingness to occasionally do your own thing. We've been known to take 1 day during a vacation to each do something that the other has no interest in. Or go alone to a concert if the other has no interest in the artist.

 

[DawgInOxford]

That and religion but as you can see from the original post that bleeds into this issue as well.

Sounds like she's gone off the deep end, bro. Either just go and stop worrying about it or consider you two figuring out what has changed and if it is worth keeping together and fixing it.

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

I have loved sports since I was a kid. I collected cards as a kid, I played sports in school and I have always loved watching and going to games. She went with me to games when we were dating but I could tell she didn't enjoy it. I am as simple as they come. I go to work and go straight home everyday. I really don't have any hobbies really. This is my one thing. (I say that like it is a crutch or a weakness..haha) She is a homebody that would be perfectly fine with just sitting home all the time. That is the life her mom and dad lead.

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

this is funny. I actually have brought up that Jesus didn't just hang around churches....

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

Here is another twist......Her dad has become involved to the point of telling her that I don't love her and all I care about is sports. I am biting my tongue now with him but I am afraid I am about to reach my tipping point.

 

[Bcash2]

What do you mean by...

That and religion but as you can see from the original post that bleeds into this issue as well.

..religion is an issue? I'm not a religious person at all, but I also understand its important to be on similar pages there.

 

[fishwater99]

Sounds like she's gone off the deep end, bro. Either just go and stop worrying about it or consider you two figuring out what has changed and if it is worth keeping together and fixing it.

^^This

If you both aren't happy, it's not worth staying together and being miserable. Sorry Bro...

 

[mount lefroy]

this is funny. I actually have brought up that Jesus didn't just hang around churches....

He barely did at all and when he did he usually upset people there. The point is a salient one. God created the world and Jesus instructs is how to live in it. I’ve seen nothing in his message that suggests to remove oneself from it. Matter of fact, going out into the world and being Christlike would be his instructions. Now, that may not make the tailgate as interesting..... she needs to read the parable of the talents and what was thought of the person who buried theirs.

 

[fishwater99]

this is funny. I actually have brought up that Jesus didn't just hang around churches....

Jesus went and met people where they were. He spent time with prostitutes, drunks, tax collectors and other sinners.

Jesus was a friend of sinners not because he winked at sin, ignored sin, or enjoyed light-hearted revelry with those engaged in immorality. Jesus was a friend of sinners in that he came to save sinners and was very pleased to welcome sinners who were open to the gospel, sorry for their sins, and on their way to putting their faith in Him.

 

[Shmuley]

And, now, the deeper, underlying problem is emerging.

 

[BlueRidgeMtns]

you invited her... she declined... sounds like there's no issue.

 

[rem101]

Hell, I get begged to leave the house.**

In all seriousness - My wife and I both have things that we enjoy doing that the other doesn't and things we enjoy together. We give those freedoms to each other with that understanding. No one is exactly alike and we'll all have differences. Luckily, MSU sports isn't one of those that the other doesn't enjoy.

 

[FordhamBulldog]

Anyone who says "you married the wrong girl" or anything along the lines of "get a divorce" needs to get a life and get your priorities in order. I love sports as much as any of you but it is NOT more important than my marriage, not even close.

You're not married to State or football. You didn't make a lifetime promise to God that you would stay with football for life.

My advice to you is stop reading the poison on this thread and work it out with your wife cause when you're 90 years old Mississippi State football is not going to be taking care of you and/or providing you with companionship.

 

[BlueRidgeMtns]

View attachment 11683

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

I dont tailgate at all. hahah I go straight to the game and straight home.

 

[TheStateUofMS]

And, now, the deeper, underlying problem is emerging.

Yep we found it. Reminds me of my baby mama and her dad. We haven't been together in years but her dad still has the lack of self awareness to actually call my dad and talk **** about me. It's sad really.

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

Air conditioners are worldly as well as make up, perfume, automobiles etc. We have been through this many times. The church she attends likes to cherry pick things.

 

[Negative Waves]

Here is another twist......Her dad has become involved to the point of telling her that I don't love her and all I care about is sports. I am biting my tongue now with him but I am afraid I am about to reach my tipping point.

Hmm. After hearing that, it might be the in-laws who are the problem. What'd you do to tick off the father in-law?! My parents have NEVER said anything negative to me about my wife. That is seriously crossing over the line to me, especially if all you're doing is attending some football games. Honestly, if this is causing serious problems for you and your wife, I'd suggest getting some legit marriage counseling. It might dig up the real reason this has become such an issue.

 

[TheStateUofMS]

You're missing the entire point.

A big part of who this man is happens to be Dear Ole State. There's is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. It's a big part of who I am and probably 99% of this board. No, MSU sports alone aren't more important than his marriage, but trying to take away a part of a person is NOT RIGHT.

Folks change. My mother changed after 26 years of marriage to my dad. My dad has been a musician as his hobby since he was 10 years old and started playing guitar. When my parents reached their late 40s, my mother didn't want my dad to play in a band anymore. He was always faithful and came home after the gigs, but my mom changed and wanted a more simple life. They ended up getting divorced and although it was rough, they are now extremely happy 10 years later. Mom's remarried to a man PERFECT for her and my dad is engaged to a woman with more similar interests and life styles.

By the way they are both Christians. Trying to change another person NEVER works and shouldn't even be tried. It's not fair to the other person much less an adult who has lived their life the same way for 45 years.

You either accept a person for their differences and live with it or you find a way to cope with that and maybe find something to do on your own time and just understand there's some things we do separately.

Hell, my gf hates sports but she doesn't take them away from me. I've cut back on watching meaningless games, but I can still check scores on my phone and ****. One great thing is after we've been doing things separately for a few hours or days when we get back to each other we're always more grateful for each other each time.

 

[TheStateUofMS]

Here is another twist......Her dad has become involved to the point of telling her that I don't love her and all I care about is sports. I am biting my tongue now with him but I am afraid I am about to reach my tipping point.

Never read it, but there's a book called Boundaries that Dave Ramsey recommends for crazy in-laws and other family members who don't understand their place in relationships and try to control everything.

 

[Wizard.sixpack]

I think this is well said and I think hits on what my main concern is. It is not that I would be choosing MSU sports over my family. It would be that I am tired of someone trying to form me to what they want me to be. It is difficult for sure but I have noticed that looking back over the last 10 years when we first got together, I followed her and her family to their church and did everything she wanted. When we went somewhere she would decide when we left, when we came home, I didn't do anything and had no hobbies. It was when I made a stand by stop going to their church that all of this started to unravel. I was home on weekends and she would leave and go over to her parents. So one day I decided "You know what, I am not sitting on my *** all day while she is gone, I am doing something" It just so happened to be during basketball season and there was a game that day so I went and I have been going ever since.

 

[WutheringDawg]

View attachment 11684

 

[TheStateUofMS]

I think this is well said and I think hits on what my main concern is. It is not that I would be choosing MSU sports over my family. It would be that I am tired of someone trying to form me to what they want me to be. It is difficult for sure but I have noticed that looking back over the last 10 years when we first got together, I followed her and her family to their church and did everything she wanted. When we went somewhere she would decide when we left, when we came home, I didn't do anything and had no hobbies. It was when I made a stand by stop going to their church that all of this started to unravel. I was home on weekends and she would leave and go over to her parents. So one day I decided "You know what, I am not sitting on my *** all day while she is gone, I am doing something" It just so happened to be during basketball season and there was a game that day so I went and I have been going ever since.

I feel ya man. Like folks have said, there has to be give and take, but also it can be taking a part of someone. Kind of sounds like you've just been existing together but not really much else.

If this is too personal, no response needed, but have you guys still been intimate, sleeping in same bed, saying "I love you," etc?

 

[WutheringDawg]

As another arm chair counselor, I'd like to throw my response in. This post makes me think that there are some more deep seeded issues and that going to too many games is just the playground where you are seeing it unfold. If you replace state games with hunting, or going to magic the gathering card tournaments, or the golf course, it seems like you would get the same output from your wife.

Side note, what's your relationship with your FIL like?

Edit: Just realized that I'm asking questions that have already been answered. It seems like the resolution you need is going to have to come from some real heart-to-heart honest conversation. If she's unwilling to do that, and it seems like she is opposed to the idea of you as an independent person within the relationship, then I don't know.

Not saying that you should divorce her because you're the man and how dare a woman question you. But it may be time to start thinking about the reality that people change and that's okay and if you cannot get to a place where you can both be happy, we'll be here to support you.

 

[Bcash2]

So you stopped going to church in general? or just their church? The former obviously could cause problems with any marriage where church is important, the latter shouldn't as much.

 

[#ShowOff]

I think you need to up your frame, pal. This should not be an issue, I have no idea how men willingly relinquish their lives to women.

Yep. Completely Agree.


There are things you have to sacrifice but if this is going on TEN YEARS!?

Wow man.

 

[TheStateUofMS]

As another arm chair counselor, I'd like to throw my response in. This post makes me think that there are some more deep seeded issues and that going to too many games is just the playground where you are seeing it unfold. If you replace state games with hunting, or going to magic the gathering card tournaments, or the golf course, it seems like you would get the same output from your wife.

Side note, what's your relationship with your FIL like?

Read a few posts up. He pretty much addressed this....

 

[JungRebel]

You should have married an agnostic or, what is roughly the same, an episcopalian.

 

[DawgsOnTheWing]

If this thread doesn't result in a SPS Magazine article, nothing will.........

People can change. My wife always liked sports, but usually did not go to many games when I was taking the kids. Now she doesn't want to miss a game of any MSU team, and keeps up with the TV schedule closer than I do. Of course, she does not view sports as satanic, so........

 

[Shmuley]

May be an over-generalization, but it appears the root cause here is the fact that your wife never "... left her father and mother ..." in order to "... cleave to ..." the marriage. And her parents are happy to promote her reliance on their emotional and other support more than likely for their own, enabling purposes. Dysfunction abounds in that environment. And I truly hate it for you, bro. Whatever paw in law is providing (money, housing, kids' tuition, etc) that serves as justifying (in his mind) control or say-so, it ain't worth it.

 

[Shmuley]

Almost 60 posts deep ... AND NOT ONE ENGIE POST TO PROVIDE THE ANSWERS11!!!!1!11. SAVE US ENGIE!1!1!1!

 

[Dawg1979]

Some of the same issues, although your case is particularly difficult because it sounds like it is more than just a case of "you're gone for a whole day doing something I don't enjoy and I'm stuck with the kids/house work/etc." That's a legit issue and I was able to negotiate it by finding ways to contribute at other times so the scales are balanced pretty much. From what you're saying she has a moral/ethical rejection of the importance of your sports team in your life. You might try and set up some kind of regularly scheduled "wife appreciation time" and see if that diminishes her resentment. Tough situation.

the wife appreciation time is when he is working 2 jobs. if you're giving all the facts, she is being selfish. like someone else said, if you're going to every sporting event and never home, then yes, its you. but if you are truly only going to home football games, then she needs to give a little there

 

[FQDawg]

So you stopped going to church in general? or just their church? The former obviously could cause problems with any marriage where church is important, the latter shouldn't as much.

If her family is uber religious or even just of certain denominations, simply not going to their church might as well be not going to church at all.

 

[Dawg1979]

Anyone who says "you married the wrong girl" or anything along the lines of "get a divorce" needs to get a life and get your priorities in order. I love sports as much as any of you but it is NOT more important than my marriage, not even close.

You're not married to State or football. You didn't make a lifetime promise to God that you would stay with football for life.

My advice to you is stop reading the poison on this thread and work it out with your wife cause when you're 90 years old Mississippi State football is not going to be taking care of you and/or providing you with companionship.

the hell you say? i'm ok with MSU sports being whats on my tv all the time taking care of me when i'm 90. hell just tell me the game is live, and i'll prob piss my pants and take another hit for the Maroon and White.

 

[fishwater99]

I think you need to up your frame, pal. This should not be an issue, I have no idea how men willingly relinquish their lives to women.

Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

Here is another twist......Her dad has become involved to the point of telling her that I don't love her and all I care about is sports. I am biting my tongue now with him but I am afraid I am about to reach my tipping point.

Reminds me of my first marriage and unfortunately, those underlying things do not go away, they only fester.

It will be tough as **** but you need to have a talk with them one at a time and remind them that respect is a two-way street. If they want you to respect their beliefs, they have to respect yours. I don't know if it will help but you have to at least try for your own peace of mind.

No, you are not being unreasonable.

 

[karlchilders.sixpack]

I'm divorced

so ya'll can read between the lines...what I think about this.

 

[HumpDawgy]

Just tell her you are going to the Chapel of Memories and go to the game instead.

 

[TheStateUofMS]

the hell you say? i'm ok with MSU sports being whats on my tv all the time taking care of me when i'm 90. hell just tell me the game is live, and i'll prob piss my pants and take another hit for the Maroon and White.

Quote of the year!

 

[Clarence Boddicker]

I think this is well said and I think hits on what my main concern is. It is not that I would be choosing MSU sports over my family. It would be that I am tired of someone trying to form me to what they want me to be. It is difficult for sure but I have noticed that looking back over the last 10 years when we first got together, I followed her and her family to their church and did everything she wanted. When we went somewhere she would decide when we left, when we came home, I didn't do anything and had no hobbies. It was when I made a stand by stop going to their church that all of this started to unravel. I was home on weekends and she would leave and go over to her parents. So one day I decided "You know what, I am not sitting on my *** all day while she is gone, I am doing something" It just so happened to be during basketball season and there was a game that day so I went and I have been going ever since.

Bro this is the main problem. YOU are supposed to be running the show. Looks like this got off on the wrong foot from the beginning. Some BAD red flags in there.

I suggest talking to a lawyer. I hope you don't have kids.