Going to sporting events problem
- Thread starter Wizard.sixpack
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I don't know who downvoted you, but they're wrong. Sports is NOT the problem. The problem is that the wife has changed how she feels about her husband's hobby. I still think they need to get some good counseling to figure out what's really going on and how they're both going to deal with it.
So she want's to be Amish? Most of my older relatives (grandparents on both sides, great aunts and uncles, etc.) are Amish, as my family has been for hundreds of years until my parents generation, with the occasional rebel or two from each generation that broke away and ran off to the city somewhere. It is a closed loop philosophy that has scarcely any internal consistency, and makes no logical sense as to what is worldly and acceptable if you are outside looking in. If that's not for you, I don't see how it gets resolved.
counseling will help get to the root of this
Sounds like there is some deep-seeded religious stuff going on here, and I doubt the two of you alone are going to be able to figure it out. I'd also suggest counseling with one major caveat: DO NOT go to a pastor or counselor affiliated with her church. If the religious aspect of this is due to influence from her specific church, they will side with her. If she will agree to counseling, only go to someone outside of her church/denomination/etc. Also, let her know that you are not okay with her sharing, with her parents, whatever is discussed in counseling. Your FIL needs to butt out of this mess completely. It has ZERO to do with him and is absolutely none of his business.
Sounds like there is some deep-seeded religious stuff going on here, and I doubt the two of you alone are going to be able to figure it out. I'd also suggest counseling with one major caveat: DO NOT go to a pastor or counselor affiliated with her church. If the religious aspect of this is due to influence from her specific church, they will side with her. If she will agree to counseling, only go to someone outside of her church/denomination/etc. Also, let her know that you are not okay with her sharing, with her parents, whatever is discussed in counseling. Your FIL needs to butt out of this mess completely. It has ZERO to do with him and is absolutely none of his business.
I have seen this first hand. My wife stands up to her mother but her sister most of the time gives in. She can really cause problems between my sister in law and her husband.
It sounds like the in laws are in her ear 24/7. At some point, you have to have a discussion on why she wants you to quit going to games, the real reason. Does she think if you didn't go to games that you would start back to her church?
Maybe you need to go to a church away from her parents at least for a little while. It might be a concession that you both could agree on if going to church is truly the issue.
I am afraid the real reason is that you stood up for yourself and decided to quit sleepwalking through life. At the end of the day, you and your wife probably need to go to counseling if this is really causing enough problems that you posted on a message board. Good Luck.
This seems like the best advice. I grew up in a small Church of Christ church and was drilled into my head that every other religion was going to hell. Of course, I didn't realize this until I brought some Baptist friends to church.
Saying that, I hope your wife's church isn't like that and you can get help from some other counselors that are either religious or not. She might be more willing if they are religious if that is one of her issues.
Thanks and
regarding this
regarding this
I debated on whether or not to but I really don't have anybody I feel comfortable talking to this about so I really just needed to get it off my chest. I enjoy reading the different responses.
Agnostics and Episcopalians are wayyyy different. Agnostics admit to not knowing whether there is a god and what if any standards such god expects people to live by. Episopalians are sure that whatever feels good to them personally is what god wants.*
Recommend you see Don Waller with Summit Counseling at First Baptist in Jackson. Great guy and easy to talk to (even if he is an Ole Miss fan). There are bigger issues to deal with here that haven't been resolved in years so its time to be proactive. You are getting older by the day and if it is stressing you enough to post about it, then its worth seeing a counselor to help family life overall and not just the attendance at sporting events.
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hmm...
Well, I see no other option than divorce. Get you a lady that likes to have fun, or at least doesn't condemn what brings you joy.
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hmm...
Well, I see no other option than divorce. Get you a lady that likes to have fun, or at least doesn't condemn what brings you joy.
Or how about...
They BOTH run the show since this is 2018 and not 1818, and both are adults that should be able to give and take a little.
They BOTH run the show since this is 2018 and not 1818, and both are adults that should be able to give and take a little.
She can either learn to deal and stop bitching or you can go find Her a replacement That loves State and sports. There are plenty out there.
10 years huh? You are getting to that time for marriages......
Typical Gas light situation. Making you feel bad for going to sporting events. She wants you to choose her over sports and do what she wants. If you don’t, you are evil. Not her. You! (So typical)
Either do what she wants or......
Divorce is Imminent.
Typical Gas light situation. Making you feel bad for going to sporting events. She wants you to choose her over sports and do what she wants. If you don’t, you are evil. Not her. You! (So typical)
Either do what she wants or......
Divorce is Imminent.
If you don't have kids answer: Dude you need to take a serious look at why you are still married at this point. Make a list and check it twice. Be glad you might still be young.
If you have kids answer: You need to determine if seeing your kids every day is more important than everything else that will make you happy. Then see previous answer.
Whoa, Whoa, WHOA - I'd take some criticism here and now for being involved with an outfit like the Mississippi State Bulldogs, but I'll be damned if I'm going to live in the South and listen to anyone bad mouth air conditioning.
In the words of the late, great Lewis Grizzard - "if you've got it so bad here, Delta's ready when you are, honey"
In the words of the late, great Lewis Grizzard - "if you've got it so bad here, Delta's ready when you are, honey"
Yeah. I believe men should be a strong leader and head of the home. Every woman truly wants that. But.... any guy spouting about frame or any redpill bs.... redpill gets you divorced.
I would love to know if she is a Rankin County princess. The type whose parents raised her to accept nothing but the grandest, finest and most expensive and instilled in her that it is her right to be waited on hand and foot. This poor dude is working two jobs to support her and she still isn’t happy. She sounds like a Pinelaker at heart but Chip would never encourage his females to be anti-State or anti-sports.
Best post I’ve ever read on Sixpack
Seriously. This is the smartest, most insightful and well thought out post I’ve ever read on SixPack. He is absolutely correct. Well said, sir.
Seriously. This is the smartest, most insightful and well thought out post I’ve ever read on SixPack. He is absolutely correct. Well said, sir.
Ha Being Logical to a woman you say? Hahahaha we have some funny guys on here. Most women don’t understand that or they don’t care to. They are all crazy and illogical. It’s just to what degree.
I remember when a television set itself was considered a product of the devil by some people. I suppose some religions still think dancing is terrible. Some of 'em need to lighten up a bit.
Been there and done it, man. It's not a fun place to live.
I ended up getting a divorce, which I never recommend to anyone. That's no fun either, especially if you have kids. I just got to the point where I finally accepted that she wasn't going to change and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life miserable. Hopefully you're not there yet, and you've got a chance to work this one out. That's highly preferable to the alternative if you ask me.
Since every situation (and person) is different, and I don't have two hours to sit here and type... I won't try to offer blanket advice, other than two simple things:
1. I agree with the marriage counseling advice. I had never been to a counselor before in my life, but my first wife and I went to try to 'save the marriage'. She wouldn't participate (she would bow up every time the counselor said she had any issues, or that we both should share blame and responsibility, etc) and finally she just refused to go, so it didn't save the marriage, but it helped me. I don't know if it was that particular counselor or that it just helped talking through things with a third party, but I kept going to see her even after my wife stopped. It was really good for me, and I think for sure helped me be a better person and husband to my second wife.
2. You should read "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. It's a Christian-based book, but he puts everything in practical terms. My 30-second summary is, women crave love and men crave respect, but neither person is born knowing how to communicate it to the other person. This leads to a crazy cycle that has to be broken somehow. That may not sound like some big revelation, but his theory is that it's the root of most issues in marriage. It's a really good book.
Good luck my man, and keep your head up, because no matter what happens, in about 5 years you will be over it and life will be different and most likely better.
[Side note, this was not what I expected to read or post when I logged in this afternoon.]
I ended up getting a divorce, which I never recommend to anyone. That's no fun either, especially if you have kids. I just got to the point where I finally accepted that she wasn't going to change and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life miserable. Hopefully you're not there yet, and you've got a chance to work this one out. That's highly preferable to the alternative if you ask me.
Since every situation (and person) is different, and I don't have two hours to sit here and type... I won't try to offer blanket advice, other than two simple things:
1. I agree with the marriage counseling advice. I had never been to a counselor before in my life, but my first wife and I went to try to 'save the marriage'. She wouldn't participate (she would bow up every time the counselor said she had any issues, or that we both should share blame and responsibility, etc) and finally she just refused to go, so it didn't save the marriage, but it helped me. I don't know if it was that particular counselor or that it just helped talking through things with a third party, but I kept going to see her even after my wife stopped. It was really good for me, and I think for sure helped me be a better person and husband to my second wife.
2. You should read "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. It's a Christian-based book, but he puts everything in practical terms. My 30-second summary is, women crave love and men crave respect, but neither person is born knowing how to communicate it to the other person. This leads to a crazy cycle that has to be broken somehow. That may not sound like some big revelation, but his theory is that it's the root of most issues in marriage. It's a really good book.
Good luck my man, and keep your head up, because no matter what happens, in about 5 years you will be over it and life will be different and most likely better.
[Side note, this was not what I expected to read or post when I logged in this afternoon.]
I’m going to give you some advice about counselors, None of them are in it for the altruistic nature of helping others. Counseling is about $$$, emeshment and return visits. Most problems can be solved in about an hour of two adults talking to one another. My in-laws were very over bearing. I found out that my wife gave her mother access to our banking accounts so she could oversee our spending and tell us what, if anything, we were doing wrong. When I found that out I gave her two options. To leave or get her parents out of our personal business. She removed her mom’s access and that was the end of that.
I guarentee you if you tell her dad you are about to send her no job *** back to his house with her half of y’all’s bills you will get a whole new sense of appreciation from them.
I don't think I am any danger of her or her family reading this. Remember sports is the devil so reading about it would be just another blasphemous act. This is definitely a safe place for me
Some of the posts here are really helpful. I am proud and thankful for the suppport. I honestly didn't think it would get this kind of response. I am sorry it is cluttering up the board and raining on good MSU sports talk.
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She goes to a Pentacostal church and it didnt take long for me to figure out that wasn't for me. I consider myself a pretty rational and open minded person so I figured I would try it but I just couldnt do it.
This verse has come up alot and she even quotes it to me and says she believes it to be this way but it is so strange that she doesnt understand it. Dont get me wrong I am not the type to abuse this verse and be overbearing and think she should bow down to me. I am pretty easy going. I feel like somewhere along the way I lost control of this in our marriage and let things go. SO I am at fault on this some. I mean her dad pretty much was the decider on where we should go to church, he told my kids when they were really young that there was no Santa Clause (I am still really irritated at that and my blood pressure is skyrocketing just thinking about it) My mom and dad have visited when we have had birthday parties at her, her mom and dad and the kids and they even noticed that it looked like the family was her mom, dad, and the kids and I was just an outsider. That hurt because I had never really realized that but it was true.
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I stopped going altogether. I am in a religious limbo right now. Don't get me wrong I am a Christian but I am not sure what to believe now that I have researched all the denominations. It is mind boggling and hard to figure out which is the best. There are some people that choose a church based on what kind of youth group they have but I am the type to take it a little more serious than that.
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