I’ve been married for 32 years and my wife won’t let me date, so I have to live vicariously through you guys. I’m sure some of you have some good ones to share. Go.
At least you didn’t fartGirl ended back up at my place to watch movies. She shall we say started “servicing” and then got mad when I laughed at something on TV and left. Seems a bit sensitive to me.
5 years ago, met a woman on a dating site. She sent me some pictures and we all nicknamed her "Arby's". I ended up driving 90 min around 2AM for some of that Arby's. That wasn't even the worst part. Other than the pics of Arby's, she was pretty cute.I’ve been married for 32 years and my wife won’t let me date, so I have to live vicariously through you guys. I’m sure some of you have some good ones to share. Go.
15 feet huh? Did you play tennis all night while chatting? WinkingMy brother set me up with a gal at work that he wanted to bang, but couldn't because he was married. He planned the whole thing out for us. I picked her up, and immediately I could tell she didn't want to be doing this. We went to the steakhouse my brother planned, and it turned out she was a vegetarian. So she chain smoked while I ate steak. Then we went to that horrible Three Muskateers movie with Charlie Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland. I'm not sure she even sat in the seat next to me. Midway through the movie I went to the restroom and actually considered bailing right there. Needless to say, not a love connection.
Had a match.com date with a teacher from Omaha. She showed up in a turtleneck sweater where the turtle part was comically over-sized, plus a large cross on her chest. I didn't take that as a good sign. She seemed super nervous about meeting a complete stranger, and didn't come within 15 feet of me the whole night. For some reason she asked me a hundred questions about my parents, so I spent three hours talking about their stupid lives. So that was a bust.
Met another gal on match.com and she drank way too much and shoved her tongue down my throat. She called a few nights later, again drunk, and I went over to her house and had sex with her four times while her bored friend sat on the couch. The friend tried to call a dude who worked at the local adult bookstore for a hookup, but that failed to work out. She was a rich girl from the country club, but unfortunately for her she didn't have the looks to score a rich husband.
Met another gal on match who surprised me by being about 75 pounds heavier than her photo. That's online dating for ya. Every gal has that one pic from college where she looked really thin and pretty. But ten years can be a long time for an unmarried gal self-soothing with ice cream every night.
Met a super nice girl at a cousin's wedding dance. We went out a few times, but she just broke up with a boyfriend of five years, so I was immediately friendzoned. But she was actually one of the prettiest, nicest girls I ever met. She knew my grandmother quite well, so from time to time I still get updates about her 20 years later.
The interesting thing I've found with my return to the dating game:Keep them coming. Hits or misses, funny or creepy, etc. I’ve got nothing.
A crack ho stole my teeth at a seedy motel. I guess yo could call a date??I’ve been married for 32 years and my wife won’t let me date, so I have to live vicariously through you guys. I’m sure some of you have some good ones to share. Go.
Got set up by a mutual friend. Only went out to shut the friend up. Said some very uncomplimentary things about my date to my friend the night before we went out. Went to pick her up the next night for the date. Didnt know my friend would pass that on.
Arrived for the date. She opened the door and said “ So I hear I am a total *****!”
I said yeah lets go get this over with.
And then we ended up married a few years later. True story.
LolThis sloot came over to my apartment back in the day...I think she was sort of friends with my roomie. We got hammered and she gave him a handjob...then about 20 minutes later she came into my room and started to blow me...she said "Don't finish in my mouth, I don't want my boyfriend to know" I was like...ummmm...I am going to finish in your mouth...so I did.
She got mad and said she was going to have the police run a test to see if there was sperm in her mouth...
She stormed out, drunk as anyone could be, and drove home to Lincoln (from Omaha)...never saw her again...
LaughingOne of my friends set me up with a woman who was quite a bit older than me. I was 35 and she was probably 50, but she was smoking hot for her age. We just went to the bar for a couple of drinks but she had her party boots on and a couple turned into a couple too many. She then starts to get pretty handsy, which was fine because I hadn't had the relations in about 5 months. So then she asks me if I've ever had a sportsman's double? I had no idea what that was so I asked and she tells me it's when you sleep with a mom and daughter at the same time. Now I'm a little bit drunk so I told her I was game for that. We leave the bar and head over to her house. She is sticking her tongue down my throat before we can even get out of the car and all I'm thinking about is that this chick is hot for 50 so her daughter has to be smoking hot as well. We finally get to the door, she walks in takes her top off and yells "MOM, GET DOWN HERE!".
This thread rocks!! I have a similar story. I was 35 and banging a 50 year old I picked up at a barOne of my friends set me up with a woman who was quite a bit older than me. I was 35 and she was probably 50, but she was smoking hot for her age. We just went to the bar for a couple of drinks but she had her party boots on and a couple turned into a couple too many. She then starts to get pretty handsy, which was fine because I hadn't had the relations in about 5 months. So then she asks me if I've ever had a sportsman's double? I had no idea what that was so I asked and she tells me it's when you sleep with a mom and daughter at the same time. Now I'm a little bit drunk so I told her I was game for that. We leave the bar and head over to her house. She is sticking her tongue down my throat before we can even get out of the car and all I'm thinking about is that this chick is hot for 50 so her daughter has to be smoking hot as well. We finally get to the door, she walks in takes her top off and yells "MOM, GET DOWN HERE!".
I went out on a few dates with a chic who had just got out of a relationship with a dude from Turkey. She was nice and pretty good looking. One night I take her back to her place and the dude is waiting for her at her apartment door. He tells me I need to leave, so I ask her what she thinks and she says I should leave and she can handle it. I leave. A few days later the guy calls me and tells me to stay away (she says he got into her apt and got my number off her caller id). I decide I am out. She gets back with the guy. A couple years later she leaves him and gets a restraining order. One day he breaks into her place and while she is running out the door towards the street he shoots her in the head.