How many times per year do you **** your pants?

[She Mate Me]

I worry about it a lot, but it hasn’t happened in a very long time.

 

[ckDOG]

I have a story about one occurrence that I don't think I have shared here. I was at a party the night before a game where I and others were introduced to Kamikaze shots. I probably had a few too many.

I think it was my second at bat I hit a slow grounder between 3rd and short which the SS fields deep in the hole. I know I have a chance to beat this out and I put extra effort going down the line and as I take my last stride to hit the bag, there was significant leakage. I was safe and I go to the first base coach, "Ozzy, you need to get a runner out here". He asks am I hurt, did I pull something. I say "No, I **** my pants". He starts laughing and waves for a pinch runner. I then had to go back to the dugout and tell coach Polk and Johnson what happened and I went to the locker room which was in the Humphry Coliseum in those days.

That was my last time doing Kamikaze shots.

I'll leave his name out but I was celebrating a player's bday in the early 2000s during Polk 2.0. Flaming Dr Peppers starting happening and dumbass didn't blow out the shot before tossing it back. Burned his face and had to tell Polk it was a grilling incident.

 

[BoDawg.sixpack]

Fairly consistently about 10 minutes after kickoff or tipoff, but only when I actually watch the game. There's a reason Hanes' stock went on a massive run during the Croom and Rick Ray error.

 

[BossDawg78]

Extra points if it happens at work.

Just happened to me a few weeks ago at work, and it was pretty catastrophic. I started those weight loss shots earlier in the year and the side effects have wreaked havoc on my gastrointestinal system. I had been pretty constipated, but I guess it was time for the dam to break. My stomach started cramping HARD and I was 30 feet away from the toilet when anticipation and sensation of desperately wanting relief hit me. Didn't make it. First and only time in my adult life. Thankfully I have turned my truck into a mini bug-out vehicle and I have plenty of supplies, including wet wipes, underwear and an extra uniform. By the grace of God the coast was clear when I walked out of the bathroom and Flash Gordoned it to my truck and then again when I ran back into the bathroom.

 

[DerHntr]

Ever been swimming in a lake after an all night bender the night before? Swimming furiously away from explosive diarrhea with no trunks on is a less enjoyable moment than you’d expect.

 

[vhdawg]

If ****ing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis

 

[msualohadog]

We were doing some joint training with the Thai Army in Thailand. The Thai Army guys were building a makeshift outhouse with pallets and a toilet seated paint bucket. We all laughed and said who would use that thing? They said "you'll see". Well, two days later it was me. Dysentery sucks.

 

[grinningmule]

Oversized electric recliners can be a turrible thing. 10 seconds to return to home position is about 8 seconds too long.

 

[Car Ramrod.sixpack]

You haven't S*** your pants till you have filled up your boots. I've actually S*** my pants only 3 times in my adult life but there are countless near misses. Seems like the most dire situations and 1 of the events have involved waders either fly fishing or duck hunting.

 

[Dawgbite]

I think the last time was about 8 years ago and in my defense it was my first colonoscopy prep so that really shouldn’t count. After having my gallbladder removed last year it’s just a matter of time because I can no longer differentiate between a harmless fart and a full blown expulsion. I have pulled over on the side of I22, opened the door and leaned against the truck and let loose before but it was night time. Only about fifty percent of the passing cars honked.

 

[skip dog]

I am 54 and have never SH^T my pants......I did fart in the shower in my early 40's, and it produced one heck of a surprising log that I had to deal with (still no clue how that happened......but it was after St. Paddy's day parade)........I will admit that I have had some unbelievably close and painful events where milliseconds were involved and I made it to the bathroom......I have no doubt that my run of good look will soon end, and when it does, I will simply place affected clothing in the garbage, and go straight to the shower

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

Does being very sick count?

 

[Dawgbite]

Does being very sick count?

If you had to throw away any article of clothing, it counts.

 

[The Peeper]

I've **** my pants in my life maybe 4-5 times. My first time - I was about 8 or 9 in the Pemberton Square Mall in Vicksburg. I was on the other end of the mall and my mind wasn't working. The only bathroom that came to mind was in the Wal-Mart and about 1/2 way there - I lost control. Tried to clean it up in the Wal-Mart bathroom and didn't help. My dad was talking to someone in the middle of the mall and he kept getting mad at me b/c I was trying to tell him we need to go home. I finally got his attention and he laid down the back of the station wagon. I rode on my stomach on the ride home.

I bet that was a quick drive home.............

 

[dawgman42]

This is the only thread that might challenge all the fun in Minneapolis this weekend for the cover story in SPS Magazine Week 2. Don't want to see the AI pic for this one, though.

 

[GloryDawg]

I don't **** my pants. I make other people **** their pants and piss themselves as well.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

If you had to throw away any article of clothing, it counts.

I probably should have. But I washed them; I am getting old I guess.

 

[Dawgbite]

This is the only thread that might challenge all the fun in Minneapolis this weekend for the cover story in SPS Magazine Week 2. Don't want to see the AI pic for this one, though.

 

[OopsICroomedmypants]

Never ever. Came close in the middle of the night with a stomach virus onset though.

 

[The Peeper]

I used to duck hunt with a friend of mine in the Delta. He had a lab named Ace that we always joked about because every time we would get to where we were going that dog had to take a massive dump w/in 1 minute of getting out of the truck.

It also seemed like every time we went and my friend put on waders it would prompt him soon after to have to go drop a few deuces too. One day he climbed out of the blind, walked away and took care of the deuce drop and climbed back in the blind. The two of us that had been in the blind immediately looked at each other and were about to gag from the smell. Yep, he had squatted, dropped his pants and waders and shat in the waders. We promptly told him he had to go back to the truck because he wasn't staying in that blind smelling the way he did.

He passed away not too long ago but from that day on Doug was knows by the nickname of Ace (after his dog). People always asked why we always called him Ace and he would always reply "its a long story"

RIP Doug, AKA Ace.................

 

[Colonel Angus.sixpack]

Daily. Come wipe my asš

 

[willi13]

Extra points if it happens at work.

Yearly?

 

[aTotal360]

"I'm good about twice a year for that."

 

[Predestined]

Happens to me every day.

I'm a quality assurance tester for Hagar.

 

[Lowdog]

Bacon stripes is the reason I quit wearing all cotton whitety tighties years ago!

 

[dorndawg]

Bacon stripes is the reason I quit wearing all cotton whitety tighties years ago!

What shape do you eat your bacon in now?

 

[triton28]

I worry about it a lot, but it hasn’t happened in a very long time.

I would put my total at 2 dozen per lifetime

 

[RocketDawg]

Had a dude tell me one time that not only had he never shiit his pants as a grownup, but there'd never even been skid marks or a close call.

Never believed a damn thing that dude said from then on.

I'm probably good for one ever 2-3 years on average.

Solution is to buy brown shorts. I believe they have them at Duluth Trading.

 

[RocketDawg]

Hoping he meant assess

So THAT's the plural. Always wondered ....

 

[dorndawg]

Solution is to buy brown shorts. I believe they have them at Duluth Trading.

Go to work for UPS or Cleveland's football team, a man would never have to change clothes.

 

[aTotal360]

Solution is to buy brown shorts.

I was gonna recommend not shltting your pants, but brown drawers makes more sense.

 

[Dawgbite]

I don’t always **** my pants but when I do, I use SPS The Magazine to wipe my butt!

 

[MagicDawg]

First grade accident. Trying to hold it to the end of class. Oh well.

 

[The Peeper]

What shape do you eat your bacon in now?

I bet he's moved on to cream corn

 

[DawgsGoneWild]

Never. Not once as an adult. I’ve come close, but i have the stomach of an ally cat, and the control of Greg Maddox.

 

[Trojanbulldog19]

Consider yourself lucky enough to never have gotten a stomach bug that snuck up on you quick.

Norovirus and rotovirus don't play. **** through a screen door in seconds without even thinking. Can't make it to the toilet in time just have to live there.

 

[shep9332]

I got so drunk one time, I **** somebody else's pants.

 

[Trojanbulldog19]

rookie mistake.....gotta put it in the bottom drawer, way in the back.

Always keep a spare change of clothes including underwear in the backpack that goes to work.

also doesn't everyone pack for vacation like they are going to **** themselves twice a day?

 

[Trojanbulldog19]

Makes me think of the best Kmart commercial.

 

[OG Goat Holder]

I have a story about one occurrence that I don't think I have shared here. I was at a party the night before a game where I and others were introduced to Kamikaze shots. I probably had a few too many.

I think it was my second at bat I hit a slow grounder between 3rd and short which the SS fields deep in the hole. I know I have a chance to beat this out and I put extra effort going down the line and as I take my last stride to hit the bag, there was significant leakage. I was safe and I go to the first base coach, "Ozzy, you need to get a runner out here". He asks am I hurt, did I pull something. I say "No, I **** my pants". He starts laughing and waves for a pinch runner. I then had to go back to the dugout and tell coach Polk and Johnson what happened and I went to the locker room which was in the Humphry Coliseum in those days.

That was my last time doing Kamikaze shots.

You made MBG.....