How many times per year do you **** your pants?

[Zarbok]

Used to be about once a year but then I got diagnosed used with Alpha-gal. Stopped eating so much red meat and pork so I haven't in about 3 years or so now.

 

[Mjoelner]

I don't know if it's just me or if this is common after you have your gall bladder removed but I get the 'regular urge' which is easy to control and ever since surgery years ago, every once in a while I get a '2 minute warning'. It's coming in 2 minutes no matter where you are or what you are doing. It is a force of nature and there is no stopping it or slowing it down. I had one of those at work last year just as I was getting over a severe cold. I hustled doing the cheeks-stay-together walk across the shop floor and was going to make it but about 2 steps from the bathroom door, I coughed. Game over. Luckily I was able to slip out un-noticed.

 

[FactCheckerBot]

Full blown **** my pants anywhere.. maybe 3 times in my life and I will be 63 on 9-11

Have a trusted fark go sideways. Enough that I pay attention to every damn fart I make and access it before release.

Fact:

What an unfortunate birthday.

Question:

(And I may regret asking) How does one access a fart before release?

 

[champdawg.sixpack]

Three.. wait… four

 

[BulldogBlitz]

I would have thought off season posts ended with the first game being played.

Obviously, im new here.

 

[dawgstudent]

I would have thought off season posts ended with the first game being played.

Obviously, im new here.

Naw - there are just a lot more sports posts.

 

[PhredPhantom]

Nikoe Whitley says he never **** his pants but there was this one time at Georgia in 2011 …

 

[BulldogBlitz]

Nikoe Whitley says he never **** his pants but there was this one time at Georgia in 2011 …

View attachment 1429653

That section was looking dry. He just helping.

 

[o_Hot Rock]

Fact:

What an unfortunate birthday.

Question:

(And I may regret asking) How does one access a fart before release?

Not really a skill I am proud to know about but if you have my issues, you know. Description of said skill is beyond my written knowledge but I will try.
But you did ask so:
I know when my digestion system is not right. Uneasiness is in the air…or is it a restlessness and my mind goes back.. WHAT THE 17 did I consume last night?
Then it builds but I am busy as crap at work and ignore it. Out of nowhere I no longer can ignore but it’s not really an issue until it is. Is there any feeling of liquid? Yes, you do learn that distinction unfortunately. Decisions have to be made.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Never, but the ol' bladder ain't as strong as it used to be.

 

[TTKADawg]

Zero Times; however, did an epic Shart two weekends ago at a friend’s cookout. Had never really done that, but it was bad enough that it was funny.

 

[skip dog]

I would have thought off season posts ended with the first game being played.

Obviously, im new here.

I would not consider this an off season post......this post has about 20% potential to make it w/in 37% of the "memes" thread

Off season posts would be topics such as current events, the weather, uniforms, architecture, WWII history and battle strategy, what the significant other is complaining about, trucks, someone justifying why they are driving a subaru, etc......

Men shitting their pants is a topic that is acceptable year round, and can also carry heavy weight when playing for a national title in any sport

 

[BulldogBlitz]

I would not consider this an off season post......this post has about 20% potential to make it w/in 37% of the "memes" thread

Off season posts would be topics such as current events, the weather, uniforms, architecture, WWII history and battle strategy, what the significant other is complaining about, trucks, someone justifying why they are driving a subaru, etc......

Men shitting their pants is a topic that is acceptable year round, and can also carry heavy weight when playing for a national title in any sport

Uniforms is definitely weekly.

 

[OG Goat Holder]

Zero Times; however, did an epic Shart two weekends ago at a friend’s cookout. Had never really done that, but it was bad enough that it was funny.

I mean technically you did shlt your pants

 

[skipperDawg]

The Steakhouse Incident (Part 2)​

In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.
In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in **** that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid ****. All while thick **** was spread all over my *** in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.
And there was no 17ing toilet paper.
What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.
About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing. She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.
The manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage of just slightly above. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose.
Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.
When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door.
The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.

I was waiting for this

 

[DerHntr]

Never ever. Came close in the middle of the night with a stomach virus onset though.

Your username tells me you’re a liar!!**

 

[MaxwellSmart]

I had several near misses before I found out I have IBS. There are a couple of public men's rooms that probably should have been burned to the ground after things let go just as my drawers made it out of the way. Doctor told me I could take up to 8 Imodium a day so I always have a pocket full and pop.a couple at the slightest discomfort.

 

[HotMop]

At least 3 times per game.

 

[CascillaCountryClub]

I’m prepared to watch MSU sh#t the bed this weekend.

 

[HammerOfTheDogs]

Extra points if it happens at work.

One morning on my way to work, my stomach started rumbling. Drove as fast as I could to the local QT. By the time I got on the toilet had some anal leakage. Had to wash my *** and throw away my underwear.

 

[She Mate Me]

If ever a non political thread needed a lock at 100 posts just out of plain 17’n decency this is it.

 

[MagicDawg]

I’m prepared to watch MSU sh#t the bed this weekend.

This is the correct answer to this thread. We've seen it a hundred times.

 

[thatsbaseball]

Lebby say: About 8 times last year but I'm hoping for only about 7 this year. **

 

[Double Dawg]

I have learned that after my morning coffee that accompanies me on my drive to Starkville & points further northeast up 25, I cannot stop for a biscuit at the 4-way stop in Louisville. I almost made it to the Walmart in Starkville before I needed a new pair of underwear and a fresh pair of pants. Getting older sucks.

 

[Trojanbulldog19]

Lebby say: About 8 times last year but I'm hoping for only about 7 this year. **

Our sports teams have been doing this my whole life

 

[eckie1]

 

[Eleven Bravo]

Never in my life. If I ever did anything like that my old lady would kick me out of the house. Not even any “skid marks” in my case. She does the laundry and doesn’t play that game-if I did, I would have ditch my shorts on the way home. Believe me, my shorts would be left somewhere where she could never find them. I married one of those “Mississippi Delta sorority girls” and they are in a class all their own. This woman has never even heard me fart in 46 years that we’ve been together. I was out on the porch a few nights ago and I farted-one of those farts that a man is normally proud of. My daughter heard it and she was quick to remind me that “Mams wouldn’t be impressed” lol. Nope, she wouldn’t have but I definitely enjoyed it lol

 

[The Cooterpoot]

 

[vhdawg]

Happy to report that after consuming brisket in St Paul after the game, taking the Metro into downtown Minneapolis, then heading back to my hotel by Mall of America, that I've gone one more day without an accident.

Though it was real close.

 

[Chesusdog]

 

[DawgsNCowboys87]

Never

What an unexpected post but I can say none although I struggle to piss due to my spinal cord being squeezed by my foramen. At least I’m not shitting my self yet. Ima be real with y'all since you did ask. I imagine I probably or at least likely will this upcoming week when they inject the warm dye/contraast into my veins so who knows. I haven’t before but that don’t mean there’s not a first time. In all reality it’s rather unpleasant especially to me to say the least. I’ll make it at least it since they ordered a local anesthetic.