Family Estrangement

[steinek11]

A lot of these issues come from so called therapists. It’s the new military industrial complex- it has skyrocketed in growth in last 10 years

Many of these so called therapists are lazy grifters who see the minimally “hurt” teen as their weekly easy task paycheck. Not solving serious problems like bi polar or the like. . Not much going on- not really any big problems are the kids they love to treat. Minus the every day issues we all deal with - the therapist and social media claims is serious and prevalent. Their Mantra is detailed and endless ruminations of the minor events of the past which many experts see as only making things worse. Zero accountability and these grifters convince many that there are problems where none exist. No exit strategy ever so the grift is endless. No contact is their little fraternity-it’s lazy - hurtful and evil

Reminds me of my sister. She’s been going to therapy and has got her family going now too. She recommended it to me and I laughed. where does this **** end? She’s had a relatively easy life. Great husband, good job, good kids, and decent in-laws. Her canon moment was that they had to help my nephew get through cancer when he was a young kid. He’s fine now. That was a tough chapter, but only made them stronger and more empathetic to others.

Why do people want to constantly dredge up the past and relive that trash? You made it through some tough stuff and there will be more tough stuff. But you focus on the good and lean into that. I’m not letting some head shrinker inti move the furniture around. We’d have to be talking about some serious abuse to justify that.

 

[steinek11]

I always love when old guys starts to complain that "kids these days" are soft and weak...

Hey...guess what, YOU RAISED THEM! Your generation raised these "weak soft kids"

So either take accountability for what you created and raised...OR realize that every generation thinks that they are the tougher/stronger/cooler generation and that the new generation is soft.

Not this guy. When my daughter gave her graduation speech a few weeks ago, she thanked her parents for different things they taught her. One of the things she attributed to me, is teaching her to stand up for herself. Super proud moment for me. No candy asses in my household.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

You just confirmed it is the DIL as was suspected. Regardless of what society says, the wife/mother rules the social aspects of a marriage. The guy goes along with it and so do the kids.

Yep...in the past, women got married and lost all their freedom.

Now...men get married and lose all their freedom.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Not this guy. When my daughter gave her graduation speech a few weeks ago, she thanked her parents for different things they taught her. One of the things she attributed to me, is teaching her to stand up for herself. Super proud moment for me. No candy asses in my household.

That is awesome!

Now when she gets married someday she can be the DIL that stands up for herself and makes her hubby cut off communication with his parents!

Hahaha, I kid, I kid.

 

[steinek11]

Yep...in the past, women got married and lost all their freedom.

Now...men get married and lose all their freedom.

There is one thread we can count on you pulling

 

[SuperBigFan69]

There is one thread we can count on you pulling

Right?
It is so funny too because clearly once we figured out what the issue was, that it was the DIL controlling everything, pretty much all the guys stopped posting their ideas of how to fix it. Except you, I think. I never remember the names but I think it was you and Husker123456.

The rest were all like "oh gosh, so sorry and stuff" Haha

 

[Man Woman & Child]

A lot of these issues come from so called therapists. It’s the new military industrial complex- it has skyrocketed in growth in last 10 years

Many of these so called therapists are lazy grifters who see the minimally “hurt” teen as their weekly easy task paycheck. Not solving serious problems like bi polar or the like. . Not much going on- not really any big problems are the kids they love to treat. Minus the every day issues we all deal with - the therapist and social media claims is serious and prevalent. Their Mantra is detailed and endless ruminations of the minor events of the past which many experts see as only making things worse. Zero accountability and these grifters convince many that there are problems where none exist. No exit strategy ever so the grift is endless. No contact is their little fraternity-it’s lazy - hurtful and evil

The “ therapist “ he is talking about are the most worthless people on the face of the earth.

I can confirm with 1,000% certainty that this is spot on. Hadn't really seen this aspect being discussed here until now. It's another piece of this whole mess that I'm sure doesn't apply to all who are going through it, but I have witnessed this scenario first hand and it very well could be thee main culprit of the problem. It is rampant and sickening. And it has spilled out from the actual "therapy sessions" to the social media, peer influence and self-diagnosis that has been discussed here. Many of these so called "therapists" should lose their licenses or should have never had one to begin with. But, as it turns out, apparently that's not a very regulated industry. So many families being ruined from it. If a medical doctor was as negligent as some of these "therapists," a lot would undoubtedly go to prison. Yet, in this industry, it's not only allowed, it's encouraged in a lot of places.

Anyway, I could go on and on about just this element of estrangement alone, but I'm off to take a blood pressure pill.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

I can confirm with 1,000% certainty that this is spot on. Hadn't really seen that being discussed here until now. It's another piece of this whole mess that I'm sure doesn't apply to all who are going through it, but I have witnessed this scenario first hand and it very well could be thee main culprit of the problem. It is rampant and sickening. And I think it's spilled out from the actual sessions to the social media and self-diagnosis that is being discussed a lot here. Many of these so called "therapists" should lose their licenses or should have never had one to begin with. But, as it turns out, apparently that's not a very regulated industry. So many families being ruined from it.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but I'm off to take a blood pressure pill.

The best is couples therapy

"Here, you can go first, this is a safe spot. Now, tell your spouse all the things you don't like about her and the things you want her to change" Hahaha

Yeah, that will totally not carry over to home.

 

[steinek11]

That is awesome!

Now when she gets married someday she can be the DIL that stands up for herself and makes her hubby cut off communication with his parents!

Hahaha, I kid, I kid

you’re not wrong. My oldest is getting married next year. She kind of wears the pants in that relationship a little bit too much. It seems to be working ok, but if it gets unbalanced, I am quite certain her fiancé is going to become resentful. I’m gonna take her aside and tell her to be careful about forcing her way. Her fiancé is not forceful. He’s quietly competitive. More of a doer than a talker.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

you’re not wrong. My oldest is getting married next year. She kind of wears the pants in that relationship a little bit too much. It seems to be working ok, but if it gets unbalanced, I am quite certain her fiancé is going to become resentful. I’m gonna take her aside and tell her to be careful about forcing her way. Her fiancé is not forceful. He’s quietly competitive. More of a doer than a talker.

And more than likely, it will get unbalanced. We see it all the time.

Hell, you telling her that might end up making things worse!

It is all such a game.

 

[RBigredMax1]

The best is couples therapy

"Here, you can go first, this is a safe spot. Now, tell your spouse all the things you don't like about her and the things you want her to change" Hahaha

Yeah, that will totally not carry over to home.

beware the safe space!!!!

 

[dinglefritz]

A lot of these issues come from so called therapists. It’s the new military industrial complex- it has skyrocketed in growth in last 10 years

Many of these so called therapists are lazy grifters who see the minimally “hurt” teen as their weekly easy task paycheck. Not solving serious problems like bi polar or the like. . Not much going on- not really any big problems are the kids they love to treat. Minus the every day issues we all deal with - the therapist and social media claims is serious and prevalent. Their Mantra is detailed and endless ruminations of the minor events of the past which many experts see as only making things worse. Zero accountability and these grifters convince many that there are problems where none exist. No exit strategy ever so the grift is endless. No contact is their little fraternity-it’s lazy - hurtful and evil

Their biggest scam is “repressed memories”. It’s truly a clown show with most of them I’ve known. Their own lives seem to be a mess and one guy I knew was a drug user who left his wife and kids in his late thirties for an 18 year old. Always wore sandals. Had the braided hemp necklace etc.

 

[dinglefritz]

I always love when old guys starts to complain that "kids these days" are soft and weak...

Hey...guess what, YOU RAISED THEM! Your generation raised these "weak soft kids"

So either take accountability for what you created and raised...OR realize that every generation thinks that they are the tougher/stronger/cooler generation and that the new generation is soft.

In many cases I would argue that the parents aren’t as much to blame as lawyers and the indoctrination they get as kids. They have their “rights”.

 

[dinglefritz]

Reminds me of my sister. She’s been going to therapy and has got her family going now too. She recommended it to me and I laughed. where does this **** end? She’s had a relatively easy life. Great husband, good job, good kids, and decent in-laws. Her canon moment was that they had to help my nephew get through cancer when he was a young kid. He’s fine now. That was a tough chapter, but only made them stronger and more empathetic to others.

Why do people want to constantly dredge up the past and relive that trash? You made it through some tough stuff and there will be more tough stuff. But you focus on the good and lean into that. I’m not letting some head shrinker inti move the furniture around. We’d have to be talking about some serious abuse to justify that.

Have a sister who sees a therapist. Victimhood and excuses.

 

[steinek11]

Their biggest scam is “repressed memories”. It’s truly a clown show with most of them I’ve known. Their own lives seem to be a mess and one guy I knew was a drug user who left his wife and kids in his late thirties for an 18 year old. Always wore sandals. Had the braided hemp necklace etc.

I really need Litespeedhusker to weigh in on this topic of therapists

 

[SuperBigFan69]

In many cases I would argue that the parents aren’t as much to blame as lawyers and the indoctrination they get as kids. They have their “rights”.

Of course! Parents don't want to admit that they might be the reason.

Everyone here posts about how tough their childhood was and how badass their parents were with them when they were a kid.

Yet somehow all the current kids are ****** up. Come on.

This is a tale as old as time. Every generation was the toughest and coolest and had it the hardest and had the best music and hottest girls...and the current generation is always the lame one that can't do anything on their own and act like a baby...

Yet...who raised the current kids???

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Have a sister who sees a therapist. Victimhood and excuses.

You get out of it what you are going there for...if that makes sense.

Most people go to therapy to get the validation that they crave. Everyone wants to hear that they are right...We love that!

If your sister went to a shrink and the shrink said "You know what, it sounds like everything is your fault and you just need to get over it" well, your sister would just go find a new shrink.

 

[steinek11]

Of course! Parents don't want to admit that they might be the reason.

Everyone here posts about how tough their childhood was and how badass their parents were with them when they were a kid.

Yet somehow all the current kids are ****** up. Come on.

This is a tale as old as time. Every generation was the toughest and coolest and had it the hardest and had the best music and hottest girls...and the current generation is always the lame one that can't do anything on their own and act like a baby...

Yet...who raised the current kids???

It’s not quite that simple. We raised our kids a certain way. Our style was low-key, but there were signs.Our friends followed similar patterns.

There’s been a certain societal shift that shapes behavior. The state has grown in power and influence. If some rando has an ax to grind with you for who knows what, you know they can call CPS or the sheriff for a wellness check. That invisible force keeps people in line. It used to be a kid could walk a few blocks to the corner store. Now you worry that Karen is going to snitch on you on social media because she’s afraid your kid will get Johnny Gosched.

Do you think spanking is an acceptable form of punishment? You better be careful because that could get you a lot of trouble. The result? The advent of the softest generation of Americans ever. That isn’t just an opinion from a close minded goof like me. Kids are not hitting historical benchmarks. They’re not doing as well in school, they’re afraid to date, a lot of them are afraid to drive cars, mild pushback is considered aggression and threatening. It’s comical and scary at the same time. But we gotta be nice to these softies because we will need them to help keep this dysfunctional world propped up

 

[steinek11]

.

 

[Huskerlife39]

Was this falling out 3 years ago about politics? If you don't know. 3+ years ago did you frequently express your political beliefs with your Son and his family?

This was my first thought. I'm very conservative and vocally support the causes I believe in. My daughter is very liberal and disagrees with me on many things I believe. We have decided that the best course of action is to avoid those topics to maintain our relationship. We can do this because we truly (i think) love each other. However, someday my daughter will marry, and likely to someone with comparable beliefs to her own. I suspect this will be a challenging event as I likely won't have the same relationship with her spouse. Is it possible that you have radically different views politically from your DIL and she is the hurdle that is causing the rift? Considering the estrangement occurred shortly before the last election, this seems a potential source of dissent.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

The best is couples therapy

"Here, you can go first, this is a safe spot. Now, tell your spouse all the things you don't like about her and the things you want her to change" Hahaha

Yeah, that will totally not carry over to home.

...our counselor left out the part where he was fukcing my wife. IDK, I kinda think that was an important detail, but what do I know? He's the pro, not me.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

Therapists and counselors fukc up more relationships and peoole than they save, and they charge you lots of caah to do it. Biggest scam going in todays world.

 

[HuskerO58]

Yep...in the past, women got married and lost all their freedom.

Now...men get married and lose all their freedom.

In the past, women got married, were protected and were grateful. Men understood this responsibility and did what it took to ensure that protection.

Now... women get married and can be resentful towards their husbands rather than grateful (still this me vs them mentality they've been fed). Dudes have given up and just submit or say f-this and leave.

EDIT: I dont think men are going into marriage with the "protection" mindset anymore. They're in the "woman are equal, they need to pull their own weight on the financial side of things" mindset too. We're seeing how that is all working out.

 

[HuskerO58]

Of course! Parents don't want to admit that they might be the reason.

Everyone here posts about how tough their childhood was and how badass their parents were with them when they were a kid.

Yet somehow all the current kids are ****** up. Come on.

This is a tale as old as time. Every generation was the toughest and coolest and had it the hardest and had the best music and hottest girls...and the current generation is always the lame one that can't do anything on their own and act like a baby...

Yet...who raised the current kids???

These parents don't feel like THEY messed up. Their kids are fine. It's every other parent who messed up said generation of kids.

When people say "kids these days..." what they really mean is "kids these days (except my kids)".

 

[SuperBigFan69]

These parents don't feel like THEY messed up. Their kids are fine. It's every other parent who messed up said generation of kids.

When people say "kids these days..." what they really mean is "kids these days (except my kids)".

This is PERFECT and so true.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

It’s not quite that simple. We raised our kids a certain way. Our style was low-key, but there were signs.Our friends followed similar patterns.

There’s been a certain societal shift that shapes behavior. The state has grown in power and influence. If some rando has an ax to grind with you for who knows what, you know they can call CPS or the sheriff for a wellness check. That invisible force keeps people in line. It used to be a kid could walk a few blocks to the corner store. Now you worry that Karen is going to snitch on you on social media because she’s afraid your kid will get Johnny Gosched.

Do you think spanking is an acceptable form of punishment? You better be careful because that could get you a lot of trouble. The result? The advent of the softest generation of Americans ever. That isn’t just an opinion from a close minded goof like me. Kids are not hitting historical benchmarks. They’re not doing as well in school, they’re afraid to date, a lot of them are afraid to drive cars, mild pushback is considered aggression and threatening. It’s comical and scary at the same time. But we gotta be nice to these softies because we will need them to help keep this dysfunctional world propped up

Some of this is true (the driving thing is true) but driving for us meant freedom. It meant getting to see your friends. Now, you can just text/snap your friends, so that freedom of driving is not the same.

Afraid to date? Maybe but kids hook up like crazy now. Formal dating has changed.

In school they are doing better. Kids do more in school today than we ever did and it is not even close. It just isn't. I can tell you with years of experience backing me up.

Spanking? I mean, I don't think kids get spanked as much anymore but I have no clue. I get spanked a ton! I know that.

Now, you mention the modern day Karen, remember, that is our generation, that is our age. Sooooo, someone raised them to become a Karen.

 

[4.6.3]

A lot of these issues come from so called therapists. It’s the new military industrial complex- it has skyrocketed in growth in last 10 years

Many of these so called therapists are lazy grifters who see the minimally “hurt” teen as their weekly easy task paycheck. Not solving serious problems like bi polar or the like. . Not much going on- not really any big problems are the kids they love to treat. Minus the every day issues we all deal with - the therapist and social media claims is serious and prevalent. Their Mantra is detailed and endless ruminations of the minor events of the past which many experts see as only making things worse. Zero accountability and these grifters convince many that there are problems where none exist. No exit strategy ever so the grift is endless. No contact is their little fraternity-it’s lazy - hurtful and evil

If you study that “profession”, there is only one logical conclusion… it a self feeding neurosis. The percentage of mentally ill therapists is staggering. Especially prevelant in Women (oops I just assumed their gender)

 

[skin-tight]

This was my first thought. I'm very conservative and vocally support the causes I believe in. My daughter is very liberal and disagrees with me on many things I believe. We have decided that the best course of action is to avoid those topics to maintain our relationship. We can do this because we truly (i think) love each other. However, someday my daughter will marry, and likely to someone with comparable beliefs to her own. I suspect this will be a challenging event as I likely won't have the same relationship with her spouse. Is it possible that you have radically different views politically from your DIL and she is the hurdle that is causing the rift? Considering the estrangement occurred shortly before the last election, this seems a potential source of dissent.

Nope. The OP has said that he knows 100% that there isn't a political difference of opinion/emotions.

Then the OP after letting everyone stew over his vague conundrum then reveals that he knew the "problem incident" all along. and then intentionally chooses to not reveal specifics of that "incident" because there are "witnesses".

So, really, it appears that the OP likes to string folks along and keep it going with "drive by" drips of information.

The OP knows what the score is with his family rift.

 

[bmb81664]

I have yet to meet a Republican who have shut people off for being Democrat. I’m sure they exist but haven’t seen it.

I recently had a good friend get pissed at me and he stormed out of my house. He says he is a Republican but he hates Trump. I am also a Republican who doesn't actually like Trump but I don't hate him. I voted third party. My friend didn't like me defending Trump at times or being indifferent on certain topics. He says we need more than two parties but says I wasted my vote on a third party. He thinks we need to get rid of the electoral college but I pointed out Trump won the popular vote. He thought Harris lost due to racism and sexism. I said she was just a terrible candidate. I asked myself how is he a Republican? I have come to the conclusion that this is his problem and not mine. I can be friends with someone despite their politics. He can't be friends with someone for voting third party and not sharing his TDS?

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Therapists and counselors fukc up more relationships and peoole than they save, and they charge you lots of caah to do it. Biggest scam going in todays world.

It is because the people going (at least one of them) don't really want to "save" anything...they want to be proven right and/or they want the other person to bend over backwards for them.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

In the past, women got married, were protected and were grateful. Men understood this responsibility and did what it took to ensure that protection.

Now... women get married and can be resentful towards their husbands rather than grateful (still this me vs them mentality they've been fed). Dudes have given up and just submit or say f-this and leave.

EDIT: I dont think men are going into marriage with the "protection" mindset anymore. They're in the "woman are equal, they need to pull their own weight on the financial side of things" mindset too. We're seeing how that is all working out.

I get what you are saying but the reason that women were looking for a man to "protect and care for them" is because for the most part they were stuck. No college education no real careers and limited choices when it came to careers. That part has changed, thank goodness.

Now that both of them, man/woman (for this, we can assume only two genders) can make money and have nice lives...so the playing field is very level. I would again say it is like the transfer portal. We see how many players hated their situation and wanted to leave but felt stuck...but not anymore.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Nope. The OP has said that he knows 100% that there isn't a political difference of opinion/emotions.

Then the OP after letting everyone stew over his vague conundrum then reveals that he knew the "problem incident" all along. and then intentionally chooses to not reveal specifics of that "incident" because there are "witnesses".

So, really, it appears that the OP likes to string folks along and keep it going with "drive by" drips of information.

The OP knows what the score is with his family rift.

I agree and it is starting to seem more and more like he does really know the problem, he knows it is him and his wife and he probably knows that it has happened a lot.

 

[litespeedhuskerfan]

It is because the people going (at least one of them) don't really want to "save" anything...they want to be proven right and/or they want the other person to bend over backwards for them.

.. I'd come home from our sessions and go visit with my dad, who i'm great friends with and was in business with for several decades... So we're pretty tight, and i'd would tell him, dad I just don't feel like I could be wrong about every single situation we talk about.. turns out he was just screwing my wife and screwing me out of my money , and I would never go see another one , and don't have a kind word to say about any of them anymore.

It would be so easy to be a counselor and it requires absolutely zero training. You ask the person what's on their mind? ..And why they're there, and then validate every crazy feeling that they have and make them feel like the most important person in the world. cha ching.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

If you study that “profession”, there is only one logical conclusion… it a self feeding neurosis. The percentage of mentally ill therapists is staggering. Especially prevelant in Women (oops I just assumed their gender)

Oh my god, I would love to see the "study" you did on the profession, please post your work.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

This was my first thought. I'm very conservative and vocally support the causes I believe in. My daughter is very liberal and disagrees with me on many things I believe. We have decided that the best course of action is to avoid those topics to maintain our relationship. We can do this because we truly (i think) love each other. However, someday my daughter will marry, and likely to someone with comparable beliefs to her own. I suspect this will be a challenging event as I likely won't have the same relationship with her spouse. Is it possible that you have radically different views politically from your DIL and she is the hurdle that is causing the rift? Considering the estrangement occurred shortly before the last election, this seems a potential source of dissent.

How did you and your daughter end up with such different political beliefs?

 

[Big bo fan]

I agree and it is starting to seem more and more like he does really know the problem, he knows it is him and his wife and he probably knows that it has happened a lot.

And it sounds like it Grandma and one particular grand kid. OP stated that something came to a head after multiple issues and grandma asked the DIL why her kid was acting this way towards grandma.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

And it sounds like it Grandma and one particular grand kid. OP stated that something came to a head after multiple issues and grandma asked the DIL why her kid was acting this way towards grandma.

And to think many here (myself included) wanted to rush to judgement to blame the "kids these days"

 

[Big bo fan]

And to think many here (myself included) wanted to rush to judgement to blame the "kids these days"

That reminds me . We were taking my Dad back to see his relatives in WV about 15 years ago one of his last trips before he passed. We were sitting in a restaurant in Illinois somewhere I noticed some kids acting up a table over . I said to my dad boy kids have changed I can’t remember doing that . He told me kids are the same parents have changed. You didn’t act that way because your Mother and I didn’t allow you to .

 

[Big bo fan]

How did you and your daughter end up with such different political beliefs?

Probably hung around with friends that had those beliefs and that swayed her .

 

[skin-tight]

And it sounds like it Grandma and one particular grand kid. OP stated that something came to a head after multiple issues and grandma asked the DIL why her kid was acting this way towards grandma.

I don't have enough data to form a solid opinion Who are the subjects that have made a transgression or whom may have misinterpreted anything---the OP intentionally has been opaque with what he has shared. and at this point I really don't have an interest in whom did who wrong. I know however, that I don't care to play hide and seek.

Is it possible that the OP knows or has a pretty good idea that the Son is a poster or lurker on this board?