Oh, well...you know the answer.
See, this is what I said too. Most of us, when we left the house, we were still in the "long distance" call era and not the texting/social media era. That changed everything (good and bad)True. My point was that my parents and my wife’s parents were very much LESS involved in our day to day lives than virtually all of the families I see today. It was kind of a big deal to make a long distance phone call and talk for 30 minutes. Now people want constant contact it seems via texting or social media. I think involved grandparents can be a great thing. I’m glad my wife’s mom especially stayed in touch as much as she was able but it was primarily in person on holidays and birthdays. There can be a point where it’s too much. Facebook has destroyed some family relationships. Somebody gets mad or drunk and puts something stupid on Facebook for the world to see.
I have the most fond memory of the grandpa I only remember spending one Christmas with in Fargo. The Grandma who spent her last few years in our town was crabby and I was forced to learn to play Canasta with her. I don’t think she enjoyed it either. My dysfunctional family was fine. I survived. We can’t always get the kind of family we might think we want. I had some good role models in a Jewish family who lived on the acreage next door and their son is a life long friend (and a booster of substance).
Yeah...this sucks.
Shortly after we got married, I had a chance to move to (God, I hate to say it) Oklahoma.
I think you have your answer on why it went south.how was the grandkid treating your wife? You said it went on for a month.the grandkid might have told her mom grandma is irritating me somehow. And when your wife asked the DIL why HER child was acting this way she exploded. Have you ever asked your wife about it . Maybe she was irritating the grandkid?
As a coach I have asked a few of the guys on my team to attend but stay away...because there was no chance at all that I was going to let them get into the game because they sucked at tackling.
Oh no! Entire family relationship obliterated because grandchild was irritated by his grandmother. FFS. How old are you?
This is what I would do. Force the son to show that he has a backbone. He’s afraid of his wife IMO. Adults are going to handle their problems like adults and sort things out. What he’s described is not irreconcilable.
While this is good normal advice...you also know (I am guessing) how miserable a wife can make the home...
Maybe that was he final straw for the DIL . Stranger things have happened.
Outside of loyalty or inheritance there isn't a lot of reason for families to stay connected anymore..unless they actually like each other.
It's all solvable. You say if you aren't having a relationship with my family, fine, I will skip all your family functions and when in-laws come over I'm going for a weekend with the boys. It comes to a head real quick then. If you get divorced over it, it wasn’t going to work anyway.
Man, people really have different experiences than I do. Am I best friends with everyone in my family? No. Do I stay pretty connected? Absolutely. It's family.
This is interesting because she is mad at his family...but he is not mad at her family...but her feelings are not important to him so that he can do the old "Just because you are mad at my family, it doesn't matter to me but now I am going to skip your family things"
No gray area in this. Either you didn’t want a relationship with your family to begin with or you will fight for it. No such thing as I love my family and want to spend time with them but am fine being told I can't.
I think it depends on your definition of "connected" (and socialism Ha)
Yeah, that is 100% an ultimatum and if she accepts, it is the beginning of the end and if she doesn't, it is the beginning of the end. And the hubby knows that, so instead of making it "worse" he just goes with it.
People learn that they can indeed tolerate a few days a year around people they don't love being around, if they truly want to be with their spouse. It's not that big of deal. People do at work for 5 days a week all year.
Ha! I know this one too! I think every friend group has one of "those" bitches in that group.
Not true. Option 3 is she deals with it and finds out that a day or 2 a month isn't that big of deal and in return her husband isn't constantly resentful over the whole deal.
I agree...I have never understood those people that are like "I am not going there for Xmas because of my Mom!" Like...is it that hard to show up and shoot the **** for a few hours and leave?
In that imaginary world does she also apologize to her hubby for being a huge ***** and give him road head after leaving the in-laws?
Haha No. But he does get to raise his kids in a 2 parent household while having a relationship with his family. And plenty of non-road head.
What does having witnesses have to do with not providing details to this hide and seek post?
Families have a lot of baggage, pain, suffering, abuse that they have caused each other. In the past you dealt with it because leaving them meant starvation or extreme poverty. Now, you can function without family...so a lot of people do. Again, some people are loyal, or have social pressure, or want that inheritance but it seems a little insane to see people who you don't like just because.
Post of the year on this subject.
The “ therapist “ he is talking about are the most worthless people on the face of the earth.
1000%. Therapist affirms the child, kid feels good about the therapist, and so parent continues to bring them in.
It has to be my brother-in-law. I see him probably 10 times per year, but prior to their kiddos recent HS graduation, I hadn't seen his wife in over 6 years.
I’m sorry for this extremely challenging situation you are going through. I can’t begin to imagine the emotional weight this is having on you and your wife.
I also suspect it is the DIL and the others are just following orders. If you can think back to the last time you visited together you might be able to recall a conversation that didn't go over well. But it could also be politics or some other petty differences. Another option is talk to someone that they are still talking to and have them do the asking.
You just confirmed it is the DIL as was suspected. Regardless of what society says, the wife/mother rules the social aspects of a marriage. The guy goes along with it and so do the kids.
