Mississippi State plays Kentucky in a season-opening basketball game tonight--wait, hold on--I'm now being told it's a football game. On a Thursday night. On ESPN.
Despite the apparent scheduling mix-up, the Dawgs will likely notch their 4th victory of the season against Kentucky's non-basketball team.
But, just in case, I'd like to present 3 possible scenarios that could result in a Wildcat win. .
1. The Bulldogs, having not played since cold weather set in, freeze their tookuses off (tookii?) and start off slow. They bounce back after the half, but having not won an ESPN contest since the late '90s, the Bulldogs get jittery and their 4th quarter lead shrinks to five. Then suddenly, in a bold and fortuitous move, Kentucky puts in one of their future first-round NBA picks at WR and catches a last-second TD in the back of the end zone on MSU's prevent defense.
Kentucky, 27-26.
2. MSU, invigorated by their home crowd clanging cowbells like never before (Battlebells are crazy loud), go into the half with a 33-9 lead. Dan the Man is in the middle of a superb halftime speech, when the HD Megatron begins to shoot sparks and smoke due to its operator pressing the red "ring responsibly" button repeatedly all in an effort to remind fans when they're "allowed" to ring their bells. Suddenly, Megatron begins to destruct (too many jiggowatts) and huge chunks of fallen debris lock the team into their locker room. Despite Bully (the real dog) protesting the referees by chasing and biting at their elderly ankles, the Bulldogs must forfeit.
Kentucky, by forfeit.
3. Prescott and the rushing attack are on their game once again, piling up 436 yards in the first half alone. Unfortunately, they try running it up the middle at the goal line and are stopped just short every time. MSU K Devon Bell ties his own record for most FGs in a game: 2. Also unfortunately, Kentucky has taken a kickoff return to the house and the score is 7-6, Kentucky. With a little over 3 minutes left, Bell gets a chance to redeem himself with an 18-yarder to take the lead. Unfortunately, he kicks it low and it's blocked (classic!), recovered by Kentucky and returned for a TD. MSU never recovers. Kentucky, 14-6.
But I'm sure none of that will ever happen. 6:30 p.m. ESPN. Davis Wade Stadium.
Despite the apparent scheduling mix-up, the Dawgs will likely notch their 4th victory of the season against Kentucky's non-basketball team.
But, just in case, I'd like to present 3 possible scenarios that could result in a Wildcat win. .
1. The Bulldogs, having not played since cold weather set in, freeze their tookuses off (tookii?) and start off slow. They bounce back after the half, but having not won an ESPN contest since the late '90s, the Bulldogs get jittery and their 4th quarter lead shrinks to five. Then suddenly, in a bold and fortuitous move, Kentucky puts in one of their future first-round NBA picks at WR and catches a last-second TD in the back of the end zone on MSU's prevent defense.
Kentucky, 27-26.
2. MSU, invigorated by their home crowd clanging cowbells like never before (Battlebells are crazy loud), go into the half with a 33-9 lead. Dan the Man is in the middle of a superb halftime speech, when the HD Megatron begins to shoot sparks and smoke due to its operator pressing the red "ring responsibly" button repeatedly all in an effort to remind fans when they're "allowed" to ring their bells. Suddenly, Megatron begins to destruct (too many jiggowatts) and huge chunks of fallen debris lock the team into their locker room. Despite Bully (the real dog) protesting the referees by chasing and biting at their elderly ankles, the Bulldogs must forfeit.
Kentucky, by forfeit.
3. Prescott and the rushing attack are on their game once again, piling up 436 yards in the first half alone. Unfortunately, they try running it up the middle at the goal line and are stopped just short every time. MSU K Devon Bell ties his own record for most FGs in a game: 2. Also unfortunately, Kentucky has taken a kickoff return to the house and the score is 7-6, Kentucky. With a little over 3 minutes left, Bell gets a chance to redeem himself with an 18-yarder to take the lead. Unfortunately, he kicks it low and it's blocked (classic!), recovered by Kentucky and returned for a TD. MSU never recovers. Kentucky, 14-6.
But I'm sure none of that will ever happen. 6:30 p.m. ESPN. Davis Wade Stadium.
