OT: Irish Jokes
- Thread starter RICOelectric
- Start date
Why are there so few Irish lawyers? Because it's so difficult for them to pass a bar.
Did you hear about the Irish guy who broke his arms raking leaves?
Oh wait a minute, I think that applies to my ethnicity.
How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh wait a minute, I think that applies to my ethnicity.
How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Funny thing. I'm something like 3/4 Polish. I had a Polish friend growing up who was almost in tears whenever he heard a Polish joke. I found the jokes to be hilarious. If you can't laugh at yourself. . . .
Most of the kids making Polish jokes were Irish.
Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to drink until the room spins.
The boss at the brewery had to make a very sad house call to to tell Coleen, that her husband Patty perished in an accident that morning. Through her sobs the widow Collen asked what happened. The boss explained that Patty fell into the big vat of beer and drowned. Coleen then asked the boss "oh please tell me did my dear Patty suffer?" The boss replied " I don't think so, he climbed out three times to go to the bathroom." :beer::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
What's the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono
God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono
Padrig had a love of the liquor. Every day he would stop in the pub and stay until closing or until he ran out of money. His wife grew tired of this routine and decided to teach him a lesson. Now Padrig had to pass the graveyard on the way home, so she hides behind a tombstone and waits for him to pass. When he does she cries out in a spooky voice: "Padrig, Padrig, If ye don't stop drinking yo'll go straight to hell!"
That got his attention! "Who's that callin' out to me?" She replies: "It me Padrig, the divil himself an if ye don stop the drinkin yo'll go straight to hell!" Collecting his wits: "The divil ye say!! well come on out and shake me hand, ye know I married your sister."
That got his attention! "Who's that callin' out to me?" She replies: "It me Padrig, the divil himself an if ye don stop the drinkin yo'll go straight to hell!" Collecting his wits: "The divil ye say!! well come on out and shake me hand, ye know I married your sister."
Englishman, Scot, and an Irishman all go into a bar and order pints. Three flies appear and settle into the three pints.
The Englishman says to the barman: "That's disgusting, here's a few quid, pull me another." The Scot, being a bit more frugal, asks for a spoon, he carefully takes the fly from his pint and begins to drink it. The Irishman grabs the fly, and shakes it violently yelling: "Spit it out ya bastard!"
The Englishman says to the barman: "That's disgusting, here's a few quid, pull me another." The Scot, being a bit more frugal, asks for a spoon, he carefully takes the fly from his pint and begins to drink it. The Irishman grabs the fly, and shakes it violently yelling: "Spit it out ya bastard!"
Q: Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less person drinking.
A: One less person drinking.
Last edited:
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
An Irishman orders a class of Jamison from the stewardess while on a flight to help calm his nerves. The mormon sitting next to him replies "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen prostitutes then let an ounce of liquor touch my lips"! Upon hearing that, the Irishman hands the glass of Jamison back to the stewardess and says to her "On second thought I'll have what he's having"! 
I have Irish Alzheimer's. I forget everything but the grudges.
Six Irishmen were playing poker when one of them plays a bad hand and dies.
The rest draw straws to see who would tell his wife.
One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend's house to tell the wife.
The man says to her, "Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.'
The wife says, "Tell him to drop dead!" The man responds, "I'll go tell him."
The rest draw straws to see who would tell his wife.
One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend's house to tell the wife.
The man says to her, "Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.'
The wife says, "Tell him to drop dead!" The man responds, "I'll go tell him."
Why did God create whiskey? To keep the Irish from conquering the world.
I heard one where the answer was four. One to change the light bulb, one to hold the ladder and two to talk behind their backs. I’m half Irish, I kid, I kid...