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OT: Go To One-Liners

S

schuele

All-American
Apr 17, 2005
21,124
5,734
0
From Season 2 of Fargo:

“You think I’m stupid?”

“Son, I could fill a steamer trunk with the amount of stupid I think you are.”
 
S

SantaBarbaraSker

Heisman
Nov 3, 2005
32,788
29,923
0
Huskerpro said:
I would like to hear everyone's go to one-liner that is as good the next time you say it as the the first time you heard it

One of my favorites:

I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire.
Click to expand...


Whenever some D-bag, 20 something, able-bodied, pan handler ask me if I can spare some change, I say “I was just about to ask you the same thing” and wait for their awkward response.




.
 
BHeinDaHuskers

BHeinDaHuskers

All-American
Oct 12, 2004
27,341
8,772
113
The best one liners are from an old cartoon character named Fog Horn Leg Horn.

That boy is as sharp as a bowling ball
That boy is more messed up than a feather in a windstorm
If that kid dont stop talking his tongue will get sunburnt
that boy is as subtle as a hand grenade
That boy is making more noise than a pair of skeletons on a tin roof
That boy gets under your skin more than a tattoo
You got as much nerve as a bum tooth
your muscles are as soggy as a used tea bag
you got more screws loose than a hardware store in an earthquake
Listen if you cant take a joke stay away from mirrors
you're about to exceed the limits of my medication
you are a full burrito short of a combination plate
trying to say something nice about you is like trying to pick up a turd on the clean end.
 
R

Rick.Shaw1

Freshman
May 29, 2001
8,283
83
0
Huskerpro said:
I would like to hear everyone's go to one-liner that is as good the next time you say it as the the first time you heard it

One of my favorites:

I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire.
Click to expand...
“Stop rough-housing on the Davenport.” Wtf? To this day I don’t know what my grandma was saying. Was a couch at one point labeled a “Davenport”? I’m guessing so. Only explanation.
 
B

Baxter48_rivals204143

All-Conference
Sep 22, 2010
8,892
2,089
0
Rick.Shaw said:
“Stop rough-housing on the Davenport.” Wtf? To this day I don’t know what my grandma was saying. Was a couch at one point labeled a “Davenport”? I’m guessing so. Only explanation.
Click to expand...
Yes for some reason a couch was call a Davenport I’ve never heard a reason for it. Just like 100 years ago every house had a parlor
 
D

dinglefritz

Heisman
Jan 14, 2011
52,301
13,773
78
drubendall said:
From grumpier old men. You can wish in one hand and s*** in the other. See which one gets full first.

My grandpa was a wise old farmer that never went past the eighth grade but still had a very successful life. He liked to talk about politics and world events with his friends and relatives over a whiskey and water. He'd usually end with "well, I have got a PhD. You know, a post hole digger" he had a pretty low opinion of politicians and their hubris. My grandma, being equally wise and seeing the dangers of strong drink during the prohibition era, would let him have a drink or two when they were out socially, but she would not allow a bottle of any kind in the house. No beer either.
Click to expand...
and here I thought PHD stood for Piles it Higher and Deeper
 
D

dinglefritz

Heisman
Jan 14, 2011
52,301
13,773
78
spartanhusker said:
I always heard the last one as "Buy them books and buy them books, but all they do is look at the pictures"
but yours works as well!:)
Click to expand...
Uuuum my buddy always used to say, "you buy em books and buy em books and all they want to do is drink and screw"
 
T

TheBeav815

All-American
Feb 19, 2007
18,955
5,101
0
Uglier than a bucket full of ********

Useless as tits on a boar

(to describe an overly difficult/annoying task) Like pushing a rope

10 gallons of crazy in a 5 gallon bucket
 
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