Official Chris Ash LIMERICK thread

[TheHandOfChaos]

In case some of you need a refresher:

Limerick - a five-line witty poem with a distinctive rhythm. The first, second and fifth lines, the longer lines, rhyme. The third and fourth shorter lines rhyme. (A-A-B-B-A).

 

[RUfromSoCal?]

Chis Ash ain't from Nantuket
But he couldn't Hunt fish in a bucket
We all want him out
Hobbs makes us pout
And the alumni all say "just f^ck it"

 

[TheHandOfChaos]

Chris Ash came to Rutgers from Ohio State
But Epic failure seems to be his fate
His teams really suck
Fans dont give a f*ck
Pat Hobbs really needs a clean slate

 

[ScarletDave]

We thought Ash took Rutgers to a new low
When we lost 78-nothing to Harbo
Maybe we’re cursed
It couldn’t possibly get worse
But then we lost by 30 to Buffalo

 

[Jackson206:)]

There once was a coach from Ohio
Came here to bring us highs not lows
It's year 3 at last
No one thought every game we would take it up the ***
Hobbs time to put this schmuck on a plane and make him go

 

[RU4Real]

 

[RutHut_rivals]

What's with the nuclear plant
Having trouble getting your slant
I might be a twit
Always enjoy your wit
Relation to Ash and energy, it just can't

 

[RutHut_rivals]

There once was a head coach named Ash
He came and he took all the cash
Like him to be gone
To broke to move on
We can't afford cream for our rash

 

[Knight Shift]

There once was a head coach named Ash
He came and he took all the cash
Like him to be gone
To broke to move on
We can't afford cream for our rash

A rash of losses is what you mean?
That malady can't be cured by cream
A surgery would be more effective
To rid us of what is defective
And give Schiano the team

 

[RutHut_rivals]

There once was a coach with preparation
He thought he would be a sensation
It's a relative term
He quickly would learn
And left to a standing ovation

 

[Phillyfan10]

My Dad worked here for a couple of years, until TMI shat the bed, and he went to help fix that mess...

 

[RU4Real]

What's with the nuclear plant
Having trouble getting your slant
I might be a twit
Always enjoy your wit
Relation to Ash and energy, it just can't

The ask to meld Ash with Limerick
Produced verses way too quick
I've a visual slant,
So labored I did
To show the Limerick Nuke Plant

 

[Bagarocks]

There once was a Coach named Chris
His Ash was on the miss
He's was burned from Kansas to Buffalo
Went missing in Illinois oh the blow
The Ash of Chris is about to be blitzed

 

[Knight Shift]

There once was a coach with preparation
He thought he would be a sensation
It's a relative term
He quickly would learn
And left to a standing ovation

Preparation H is a cream for a rash
Particularly for a pain in the ***
Sometimes coach looks like he is in pain
Watching his team get run over by a freight train
And seeing his team get smashed.

 

[Silvers88]

There once was a coach named Ash
Whom Hobbs decided to give all the cash
His teams they did play
To the fans great dismay
Pray his tenure ends in a flash

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

There once was a coach named Ash
Whose offense and defense were trash
He fired assistants
With much persistence
But it's him the fans still bash.

 

[Antnee79]

There was a young DC named Ash
Who Pat said interviewed with panache
He was handed the job
RU's gelt he did rob
And will retire with 10 mil in cash

 

[Antnee79]

There once was an assistant named Chris
Who thought as a HC "I can't miss"
But his recruiting was cursed
And his coaching much worse
Now the program's worth a bucket of piss

 

[Antnee79]

We were under water after the Flood
Hobbs went searching for a real coaching stud
Instead we got Ash
And spent oodles of cash
And the fans are left pulling their puds

 

[Antnee79]

On the banks of the ol' Raritan
Hobbs was looking for a coach with a plan
Ash came to the rescue
Turns out he hadn't a clue
Now the **** has hit the Fans

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

Ash was supposed to win soon
And coach big games under the moon
A series of routs
Have created big doubts
And left RU playing at noon.

 

[Antnee79]

Chris Ash came from proud OSU
To coach football at reeling RU
Our chopping axe he did blunt
But this dog he can't Hunt
Now our program is in knee deep do-do

 

[OTBOTOR]

There once was a head coach named Chris
Who stunk so badly, fans got pissed
As they abandon their seats
After so many defeats
Was Schiano the opportunity missed?

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

When hired as coach Ash did say
At RU I'll do it my way
The blowouts did mount
And he's down for the count
Now the fans compare him to Shea

 

[RutHut_rivals]

There once was a strength-coach named Kenny
Coach Ash showered with praise oh thy plenty
Can't stop the bleedin
So then recruit Sweeden
D Lineman recruits, not that many

 

[Upstream]

Firing Ash is a bitter pill
Cause we'd owe him 9.8 mil
But after next year
He'd earn 2.3 clear
And be due 7.5 million still

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

With Ash at the helm we assumed
That recruiting and talent would have bloomed
The losses are rough
And it's been just enough
To quote Knight Shift and say that "We're doomed".

 

[TheHandOfChaos]

There was an AD who was feeling blue
His hire backfired, didnt know what to do.
He said screw it, it's broke
Let get some hookers and coke
And party the whole season through!

 

[RutHut_rivals]

There once was a hermit named Bob
He was doing one hell of a job
He said "Let's go cheap!"
"Zero sum we will reap"
"In the end I'll just fire Pat Hobbs"

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

Of talent, Ash is a poor tapper
And thus, a season is in the crapper
Logic was breached
And a low point was reached
With a penalty for roughing the snapper.

 

[ScarletDave]

Oh what a staff Ash assembled
It would cause all the Big ten to tremble
Average 3.5 points a game
Give their backs wide open lanes
And we get injured by contact so gentle

 

[RUfubar_rivals]

Ash's staff looks like Bo Peep's lost sheep
can't coach up enough studs for 2 deep.
If he can't well recruit
like an old used prostitute,
from landing lane bridge
he should leap.

 

[RUsince52]

What's with the nuclear plant
Having trouble getting your slant
I might be a twit
Always enjoy your wit
Relation to Ash and energy, it just can't

Chris Ash was hope when he arrived in town
Now in year three it's merely a frown
Most of the staff have become a flop
And the players aren't at the top
Appears to be a complete meltdown.

 

[MYHATINTHERING]

Chis Ash ain't from Nantuket
But he couldn't Hunt fish in a bucket
We all want him out
Hobbs makes us pout
And the alumni all say "just f^ck it"

brilliant

 

[RUsince52]

This season wasn't going to be great
The early part was easier than late
Never got started and went in reverse
Think it's more on Ash, not truly a curse
Didn't make it to nine to seal our fate.

 

[sherrane]

There once was a coach named Ash
Who came to RU sounding brash
"Fight or Flee"
Sounded good to me
But his performance was clearly Trash.

 

[LotusAggressor_rivals]

At the start we hoped for good meetings
The results have produced open seatings
With performance less than deft
All that is left
Is for fans to prepare for more beatings.

 

[RutHut_rivals]

Hands of chaos now what have you done
Cause limericks are just way too much fun
No rhyme in haiku
What's a poet to do?
But write limericks and more than just one

 

[RUfromSoCal?]

You thought it was bad under Flood
because he rolled 'round in the mud
Then Ash came to town
He made us a clown
And made Kansas look like a stud

 

[devoted2ru]

There was excitement for the 2018 season
And many fans thought with good reason
It was Ash's 3rd year
Improvement we thought would be clear
But the train wreck we've got now borders on treason