Greetings, fellow football fanatics! This is your Pugnacious Pigskin Prognosticator, Major Amos B. Hoople, returning with his Peerless Predictions for Week 13 of the Big Ten season. The season is beginning to wind down, and the wheat is being separated from the chaff. Not so with my predictions, as I continue to outpace even the sharps. Last week I was a perfect 8-0! This puts my season record at a jaw-dropping 101-17. That’s 85%, friends! Let’s see the ‘pros’ top that! <kaff kaff>
Ok....on to the games.
Rutgers at Ohio State. The Crimson Crusaders travel to the land of the Buck Nut. They may be on a mission for an upset, but Ohio State is just too good.
Ohio State 41 Rutgers 10
Minnesota at Northwestern. The Boat Rowers paddle their canoes to the shores of Lake Michigan to take on the surprising Kitty Kats of Egghead U. Goldy will try to scratch and claw their way to victory, but the Kitties are just too wily. <um-kumph>
Northwestern 20 Minnesota 17
USC at Oregon. Battle of a pair of Big 10 heavyweights in the Game of the Week. The mighty Trojans are looking to make their case for a playoff appearance. The Quackers have other ideas. USC is nearly invincible at home, but their Achilles heel is on the road.
Oregon 24 USC 21
Michigan at Maryland. Are the Wolverines for real, or are they a fraud? The Turtles are definitely not much of a threat, so the questions surrounding Michigan will remain unanswered.
Michigan 30 Maryland 20
Nebraska at Penn State. The Shuckers have been slowly improving over the past couple of years. Meanwhile, the Nits, after a period of free fall, have started to play better ball. Both teams are without their starting quarterback, so home field will decide this one. <har-rumph>
Penn State 20 Nebraska 14
Illinois at Wisconsin. Chief Illiniwek’s tribe has clawed their way back into the rankings. The Good Ship Bucky has been rudderless and mostly sailing in circles. They have had flashes of their former glory but have not been able to keep it up for four quarters. <hack-kaff>
Illinois 27 Wisconsin 17
Washington at UCLA. The Sled Dogs mush to the Rose Bowl to take on Bruised Bears. Despite a brief resurgence after firing their coach, UCLA has fallen back upon hard times. Washington fans will be wagging their tails as their team racks up another victory. <hep-kemph>
Washington 31 UCLA 24
Michigan State at Iowa. The Hoople Boardinghouse will be abuzz as the Spartans visit Historic Kinnick Stadium. The Fighting Herkies are coming off two heartbreaking losses and will likely be missing their top defender and up to 3 offensive linemen. This could make Iowa vulnerable to an upset on Senior Day. At the same time, Sparty’s top quarterback may or may not be back from injury, and the backup was dinged up in their loss to Penn State. Either one, or neither one, may play. As tempting as it is to pick the underdog, Iowa’s stable of running backs should be able to carry the day...much as I did during my salad days as an All-American halfback for dear old Yale (sniff).
Iowa 28 Michigan State 10
There you have it, folks! Another set of picks you can take to the bank!
Boola Boola!
Ok....on to the games.
Rutgers at Ohio State. The Crimson Crusaders travel to the land of the Buck Nut. They may be on a mission for an upset, but Ohio State is just too good.
Ohio State 41 Rutgers 10
Minnesota at Northwestern. The Boat Rowers paddle their canoes to the shores of Lake Michigan to take on the surprising Kitty Kats of Egghead U. Goldy will try to scratch and claw their way to victory, but the Kitties are just too wily. <um-kumph>
Northwestern 20 Minnesota 17
USC at Oregon. Battle of a pair of Big 10 heavyweights in the Game of the Week. The mighty Trojans are looking to make their case for a playoff appearance. The Quackers have other ideas. USC is nearly invincible at home, but their Achilles heel is on the road.
Oregon 24 USC 21
Michigan at Maryland. Are the Wolverines for real, or are they a fraud? The Turtles are definitely not much of a threat, so the questions surrounding Michigan will remain unanswered.
Michigan 30 Maryland 20
Nebraska at Penn State. The Shuckers have been slowly improving over the past couple of years. Meanwhile, the Nits, after a period of free fall, have started to play better ball. Both teams are without their starting quarterback, so home field will decide this one. <har-rumph>
Penn State 20 Nebraska 14
Illinois at Wisconsin. Chief Illiniwek’s tribe has clawed their way back into the rankings. The Good Ship Bucky has been rudderless and mostly sailing in circles. They have had flashes of their former glory but have not been able to keep it up for four quarters. <hack-kaff>
Illinois 27 Wisconsin 17
Washington at UCLA. The Sled Dogs mush to the Rose Bowl to take on Bruised Bears. Despite a brief resurgence after firing their coach, UCLA has fallen back upon hard times. Washington fans will be wagging their tails as their team racks up another victory. <hep-kemph>
Washington 31 UCLA 24
Michigan State at Iowa. The Hoople Boardinghouse will be abuzz as the Spartans visit Historic Kinnick Stadium. The Fighting Herkies are coming off two heartbreaking losses and will likely be missing their top defender and up to 3 offensive linemen. This could make Iowa vulnerable to an upset on Senior Day. At the same time, Sparty’s top quarterback may or may not be back from injury, and the backup was dinged up in their loss to Penn State. Either one, or neither one, may play. As tempting as it is to pick the underdog, Iowa’s stable of running backs should be able to carry the day...much as I did during my salad days as an All-American halfback for dear old Yale (sniff).
Iowa 28 Michigan State 10
There you have it, folks! Another set of picks you can take to the bank!
Boola Boola!
