Greetings, friends! It is your Pugnacious Pigskin Prognosticator, Major Amos B. Hoople, returning with his Peerless Predictions for Week 1 of the Big Ten football season!
Last year I emerged from a well-earned retirement to once again regale the world with my intrepid forecast for each full week of the Big Ten football season. I finished with a record of 126-19. Egad, that was an 86.9% winning percentage! No brag, just fact! And I was a perfect 12-0 on Iowa Hawkeye games! <har-rumph>
Well, another season is upon us and I have dusted off the old crystal ball once again. There isn’t a chill in the air yet, and Ma Hoople won’t be making her chili, so the codgers will have to survive on cucumber sandwiches and lemonade as they gather around the ‘ol DuMont RA-119 Royal Sovereign for some serious football watching.
UMass at Rutgers. The Minutemen are hoping the battle lasts longer than a minute, but hopes are futile. The Crimson Crusaders should have this one well in hand early. <um-kumph>
Rutgers 35 UMass 10
Eastern Illinois at Minnesota. Captain P.J. Fleck’s crew of boat rowers take on mighty Eastern Illinois is what should be a laugher.
Minnesota 45 Eastern Illinois 13
UAB at Illinois. Big Bret will have the Illini on the warpath after a disappointing 2025. UAB should prove to be easy pickings.
Illinois 38 UAB 10
Indiana State at Purdue. Intrastate matchups often turn out to be close contests, no matter how uneven it may look on paper. The Boilermakers have struggled in recent years, but look to reverse that trend in 2026, and should have no trouble with the Sycamores. <kaff-kaff>
Purdue 31 Indiana State 17
Toledo at Michigan State. Sparty will sweat this one out until the second half.
Fresno State at USC. The Trojans were the subject of much snickering this past week over the sparse turnout at their first game. The turnout should be better, but the sleepy USC fans won’t have much excitement to keep them awake. The last fan out will need to turn out the Colosseum lights.
USC 41 Fresno State 20
North Texas at Indiana. The Hoosiers look to defend their National Championship. Can Coach Cignetti reload? The answer, friends, will not be forthcoming this week, as Indiana should roll.
Indiana 49 North Texas 6
Ohio at Nebraska. The champions of the off-season seek to take the next step towards reliving the days of yore when they were the terror of college football. The Shuckers will once again start strong. But how will they finish?
Nebraska 31 Ohio 7
Ball State at Ohio State. The Bucknuts are one of the preseason favorites to reclaim the title. Once again they are loaded at almost every position. Talent isn’t everything, but they should have no problem in this one.
Ohio State 55 Ball State 0
Marshall at Penn State. Matt Campbell bolted the wasteland of the Big 12 for the fertile fields of the Big 10, taking much of his Iowa State Cyclone team with him. Will that be enough to contend for the crown? The schedule is weak, but the jury is out.
Penn State 27 Marshall 9
Boise State at Oregon. Will this be the year Nike U. gets over the hump and wins it all? Some say they are a dark horse. The Quack Attack will be firing on all cylinders hoping to gain some national attention. <hep-kemph>
Oregon 34 Boise State 14
Western Michigan at Michigan. The Wolverines are a conundrum. They have a new...and good...coach but have been under everybody’s radar. The talent will always be there, but they may still be a year or two away from making hay.
Michigan 36 Western Michigan 10
South Dakota State at Northwestern. The Kitty-Cats are anxious to show off their shiny new stadium, but are still a month away. Until then, they have the pesky Jackrabbits to contend with in a match that won’t be decided until the 4th quarter.
Northwestern 23 South Dakota State 20
Hampton at Maryland. Aargh! It’s the Pirates vs. the Turtles! Cowabunga!
Maryland 42 Hampton 16
UCLA at California. It’s Bear week as the Bruins hit the “road” and go up against the Golden Bears. This could prove to be the game of the week, competition-wise. UCLA is a slight favorite, but I’m going with Cal to pull a mild upset. <hack-kaff>
California 31 UCLA 30
Washington State at Washington. The Apple Cup is once again up for grabs, with the Sled Dogs holding a significant 77-34-6 advantage. Don’t expect it to get any closer this year.
Washington 37 Washington State 17
Wisconsin vs. Notre Dame. This matchup will take place at the “neutral” Un-Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Domers are heavy favorites, and Badger Coach Luke Fickell is fighting for his job this season. I think Wisconsin will give it the old college try, but the overall talent of Notre Dame will prevail….but barely.
Notre Dame 27 Wisconsin 24
Northern Illinois at Iowa. Another year, another question at the quarterback position for your beloved Hawkeyes. As of this writing, a starter still hasn’t been determined, and the position may still be up for grabs when the conference season starts. Both Brown and Hecklinski will get their shot, but I predict neither will separate from the other, as the Huskies will not present enough of a challenge to force the issue. This may come back to haunt Kirk and OC Tim Lester next week, but for now expect yet another ho-hum workmanlike effort in the blazing heat of Historic Kinnick Stadium. <kaff-kaff>
Iowa 38 Northern Illinois 10
Well folks, that does it for this week! I’ll be back again for Week 2...the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise!
Boola Boola!
Last year I emerged from a well-earned retirement to once again regale the world with my intrepid forecast for each full week of the Big Ten football season. I finished with a record of 126-19. Egad, that was an 86.9% winning percentage! No brag, just fact! And I was a perfect 12-0 on Iowa Hawkeye games! <har-rumph>
Well, another season is upon us and I have dusted off the old crystal ball once again. There isn’t a chill in the air yet, and Ma Hoople won’t be making her chili, so the codgers will have to survive on cucumber sandwiches and lemonade as they gather around the ‘ol DuMont RA-119 Royal Sovereign for some serious football watching.
UMass at Rutgers. The Minutemen are hoping the battle lasts longer than a minute, but hopes are futile. The Crimson Crusaders should have this one well in hand early. <um-kumph>
Rutgers 35 UMass 10
Eastern Illinois at Minnesota. Captain P.J. Fleck’s crew of boat rowers take on mighty Eastern Illinois is what should be a laugher.
Minnesota 45 Eastern Illinois 13
UAB at Illinois. Big Bret will have the Illini on the warpath after a disappointing 2025. UAB should prove to be easy pickings.
Illinois 38 UAB 10
Indiana State at Purdue. Intrastate matchups often turn out to be close contests, no matter how uneven it may look on paper. The Boilermakers have struggled in recent years, but look to reverse that trend in 2026, and should have no trouble with the Sycamores. <kaff-kaff>
Purdue 31 Indiana State 17
Toledo at Michigan State. Sparty will sweat this one out until the second half.
Fresno State at USC. The Trojans were the subject of much snickering this past week over the sparse turnout at their first game. The turnout should be better, but the sleepy USC fans won’t have much excitement to keep them awake. The last fan out will need to turn out the Colosseum lights.
USC 41 Fresno State 20
North Texas at Indiana. The Hoosiers look to defend their National Championship. Can Coach Cignetti reload? The answer, friends, will not be forthcoming this week, as Indiana should roll.
Indiana 49 North Texas 6
Ohio at Nebraska. The champions of the off-season seek to take the next step towards reliving the days of yore when they were the terror of college football. The Shuckers will once again start strong. But how will they finish?
Nebraska 31 Ohio 7
Ball State at Ohio State. The Bucknuts are one of the preseason favorites to reclaim the title. Once again they are loaded at almost every position. Talent isn’t everything, but they should have no problem in this one.
Ohio State 55 Ball State 0
Marshall at Penn State. Matt Campbell bolted the wasteland of the Big 12 for the fertile fields of the Big 10, taking much of his Iowa State Cyclone team with him. Will that be enough to contend for the crown? The schedule is weak, but the jury is out.
Penn State 27 Marshall 9
Boise State at Oregon. Will this be the year Nike U. gets over the hump and wins it all? Some say they are a dark horse. The Quack Attack will be firing on all cylinders hoping to gain some national attention. <hep-kemph>
Oregon 34 Boise State 14
Western Michigan at Michigan. The Wolverines are a conundrum. They have a new...and good...coach but have been under everybody’s radar. The talent will always be there, but they may still be a year or two away from making hay.
Michigan 36 Western Michigan 10
South Dakota State at Northwestern. The Kitty-Cats are anxious to show off their shiny new stadium, but are still a month away. Until then, they have the pesky Jackrabbits to contend with in a match that won’t be decided until the 4th quarter.
Northwestern 23 South Dakota State 20
Hampton at Maryland. Aargh! It’s the Pirates vs. the Turtles! Cowabunga!
Maryland 42 Hampton 16
UCLA at California. It’s Bear week as the Bruins hit the “road” and go up against the Golden Bears. This could prove to be the game of the week, competition-wise. UCLA is a slight favorite, but I’m going with Cal to pull a mild upset. <hack-kaff>
California 31 UCLA 30
Washington State at Washington. The Apple Cup is once again up for grabs, with the Sled Dogs holding a significant 77-34-6 advantage. Don’t expect it to get any closer this year.
Washington 37 Washington State 17
Wisconsin vs. Notre Dame. This matchup will take place at the “neutral” Un-Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Domers are heavy favorites, and Badger Coach Luke Fickell is fighting for his job this season. I think Wisconsin will give it the old college try, but the overall talent of Notre Dame will prevail….but barely.
Notre Dame 27 Wisconsin 24
Northern Illinois at Iowa. Another year, another question at the quarterback position for your beloved Hawkeyes. As of this writing, a starter still hasn’t been determined, and the position may still be up for grabs when the conference season starts. Both Brown and Hecklinski will get their shot, but I predict neither will separate from the other, as the Huskies will not present enough of a challenge to force the issue. This may come back to haunt Kirk and OC Tim Lester next week, but for now expect yet another ho-hum workmanlike effort in the blazing heat of Historic Kinnick Stadium. <kaff-kaff>
Iowa 38 Northern Illinois 10
Well folks, that does it for this week! I’ll be back again for Week 2...the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise!
Boola Boola!
