I have 2 tailgate butler openings. Qualifications include.....

[Miketice]

but not limited to.

1. Must be able to fight. I like to have TGB fights in between quarters AND at halftime.

2. Must be funny. The TGB will be required to tell a brief joke/tale as he ( only males need apply ) passes out alcoholic beverages and snacks. I can't overstate the value of a comical TGB.

3. Must be an Alabama fan ( obviously ). I would consider an Arkansas fan. But there is a minimum teeth in the head requirement (19). So I'm pretty sure that will eliminate a great number.

4. Must be somewhat organized.This helps when arranging the chairs in a semi circle for the fighting portion.

5. Must be on call for 4 hours before the game and 3 hours after. An example would be an 11 am game start would require a 7 am set up time ( obviously ).

6. Pay depends on experience. Usually around 8 bucks an hour. Comes in at a Ben Franklin most games ( whoop!).

7. Must keep my wife's dog watered and fed ( really this is kind of optional. I don't care ). The dog will need to **** so you can take turns taking him. Please bring little plastic gloves to pick up after him.

8. Any questions you have I probably won't get around to answering.

 

[Nunya.sixpack]

Damn. I only qualify on 5 of them.

 

[bulldogcountry1]

Requirement 3 alone is really going to leave you with a small pool of candidates.

 

[Miketice]

Requirement 3 alone is really going to leave you with a small pool of candidates.

Agreed I may have to make this kind of optional. Thanks

 

[Dawgbite]

but not limited to.

1. Must be able to fight. I like to have TGB fights in between quarters AND at halftime.

2. Must be funny. The TGB will be required to tell a brief joke/tale as he ( only males need apply ) passes out alcoholic beverages and snacks. I can't overstate the value of a comical TGB.

3. Must be an Alabama fan ( obviously ). I would consider an Arkansas fan. But there is a minimum teeth in the head requirement (19). So I'm pretty sure that will eliminate a great number.

4. Must be somewhat organized.This helps when arranging the chairs in a semi circle for the fighting portion.

5. Must be on call for 4 hours before the game and 3 hours after. An example would be an 11 am game start would require a 7 am set up time ( obviously ).

6. Pay depends on experience. Usually around 8 bucks an hour. Comes in at a Ben Franklin most games ( whoop!).

7. Must keep my wife's dog watered and fed ( really this is kind of optional. I don't care ). The dog will need to **** so you can take turns taking him. Please bring little plastic gloves to pick up after him.

8. Any questions you have I probably won't get around to answering.

1. I'm a lover not a fighter, if you would occasionally check you home security video you would already know this.
2. I'm not funny but I can juggle and my sarcasm is off the charts which is often amusing to the slightly inebriated.
3. Not a Bama fan but I do own property and pay taxes in Alabama.
4. Organizational skills are my forte, i have been herding cats for most of the past 30 years.
5. I usually arrive on friday and don't leave until sunday morning, there will be an
"On Call" fee added to all invoices.
6. Will there be a end of season bonus? A company Christmas party to look forward to?
7. If you really want the same hands picking up you wife's dog **** as are spreading potted meat on your Ritz crackers, I think we can come to an understanding. It's your stomach.

 

[BlueRidgeMtns]

TGB Fights ... will there be betting allowed?

 

[Miketice]

1. I'm a lover not a fighter, if you would occasionally check you home security video you would already know this.
2. I'm not funny but I can juggle and my sarcasm is off the charts which is often amusing to the slightly inebriated.
3. Not a Bama fan but I do own property and pay taxes in Alabama.
4. Organizational skills are my forte, i have been herding cats for most of the past 30 years.
5. I usually arrive on friday and don't leave until sunday morning, there will be an
"On Call" fee added to all invoices.
6. Will there be a end of season bonus? A company Christmas party to look forward to?
7. If you really want the same hands picking up you wife's dog **** as are spreading potted meat on your Ritz crackers, I think we can come to an understanding. It's your stomach.

1. I noticed that. But does jacking off outside my neighbors window really make you a lover? I'm not judging BTW. He is well built. Just not my thing. = Fail
2. Sarcasm and juggling = Pass
3. Me too. I just didn't think a State guy would even consider this gig. Is this Stingray= Pass
4. Sounds good. =Pass
5. Sorry man but I like your ambition ( this is why an Alabama fan was needed)=Fail
6. Nah man.=Fail
7. That's what the gloves are for. You don't have to keep them on. Is this Stingray?=Fail

APPLICATION DENIED

 

[Miketice]

TGB Fights ... will there be betting allowed?

Allowed? Ha.What would be the purpose without betting?

 

[CochiseCowbell]

1. I noticed that. But does jacking off outside my neighbors widow

Dang, that's brutal. Dawgbite, did you at least allow for some bereavement?

 

[Mike Loh]

Dang, that's brutal. Dawgbite, did you at least allow for some bereavement?

LOL. Post of the year

 

[Dawgbite]

APPLICATION DENIED

Come on man, I already quit my job so I could start training.

 

[Dawgbite]

Dang, that's brutal. Dawgbite, did you at least allow for some bereavement?

If you ain't first, your last!

 

[Miketice]

APPLICATION DENIED

Come on man, I already quit my job so I could start training.

Dude.Fighting is a BIG portion of the tailgate butler job. I'll tell you what. Just come by and I'll let you supervise the TGBs if it means that much.

 

[jethreauxdawg]

Easily the funniest thing I’ve read on here

Dang, that's brutal. Dawgbite, did you at least allow for some bereavement?

In a long time

 

[Dawgbite]

Dude.Fighting is a BIG portion of the tailgate butler job. I'll tell you what. Just come by and I'll let you supervise the TGBs if it means that much.

Will your neighbor be there?

 

[Miketice]

Will your neighbor be there?

LOL. Lotta gold in this thread.

 

[OldFatDog]

LOL. Lotta gold in this thread.

Did you see the gold yourself? Looks white to me. I do think the Butlers should wear maroon tuxedos. white shirts and gold commerbunds.

 

[Dawg1979]

Did you see the gold yourself? Looks white to me. I do think the Butlers should wear maroon tuxedos. white shirts and gold commerbunds.

tuxedo tee shirts. don't be too classy like them other bastards. next you'll want chandeliers at your tailgate, and bolls of cotton on the table to remind the hired hands to keep their mouth closed.

 

[Miketice]

Did you see the gold yourself? Looks white to me. I do think the Butlers should wear maroon tuxedos. white shirts and gold commerbunds.

Although I don't understand the gold and white comment. It is dam near impossible to fight in a tuxedo. At least with any accuracy. So I'm going with tuxedo t shirts as stated above

 

[bulldogcountry1]

Dang, that's brutal. Dawgbite, did you at least allow for some bereavement?

At least he came from afar.

 

[BlueRidgeMtns]

Although I don't understand the gold and white comment. It is dam near impossible to fight in a tuxedo. At least with any accuracy. So I'm going with tuxedo t shirts as stated above

You must have missed the great egg bowl jersey debate of '19.

 

[$altyDawg]

From what I understand, it was a white balance issue. **

 

[Miketice]

You must have missed the great egg bowl jersey debate of '19.

LOL I get it now. I stupid.

 

[HotMop]

I learned shovel fighting whilst a prisoner in a Kazhakstan Gulag, is that an acceptable form of fighting?