Serious question: For those who may have helped an alcoholic friend or family member "beat that demon" (or if someone helped you) what are some suggestions you can give as to how to help them, what attitude to take, what can you do to keep them "on track" when they are trying hard to give it up............just what can a friend (i.e. me) do that is truly helpful to someone trying hard to give up the drinking?
My best friend has been sober going on 11 years. We didn’t become friends until about 2 years after his sobriety though. Over the years, we’ve had some very deep conversations about his problem.
First and foremost, sobriety won’t happen unless the guy truly believes and knows he has a problem. Seeking sobriety usually happens when they hit bottom. Could be a high bottom (DUI) or a low bottom (destroyed marriage, destroyed relationship with kids, fired from his job, all of the above), but some kind of bottom. Sobriety occurs when the fear of remaining the same outweighs the fear of change. Without getting into specifics, my buddy was facing felony prison time.
All you can do is be supportive. They have to want it. If they don’t want it, it’s not going to work. Hit the 12 steps and hit them hard. Multiple meetings a week, especially on nights when drinking was a thing (assuming Fri/Sat). My best friend can be around all of us drinking and not have a problem. As he says, “your drinking isn’t my problem, my drinking was my problem”. That’s not the case with most people. Those who quit usually can’t deal with the temptation, even a little. If you guys hung out socially and drinking was the thing, plan to do stuff that’s not centered around booze. Go for a hike. Go fishing. Don’t drink around them. Create an environment that’s healthy for them to progress in their sobriety. The biggest thing though is that they need to be working the program. It works if you work it.
Falling off the wagon is a part of sobriety. Know that. Be there for them. Go to some meetings with them to get them back on track. The biggest thing is for them to go and develop connections with people in the program. Lot of old timers in there with some great stories to help keep them on track.
Whole lot of other stuff that goes into the program which I don’t really know about. But starting out, he/she should be going to a meeting 3-5 nights a week. Things will improve, and it helps to constantly focus them how much better life is sober.
But it all starts with acknowledging there is a problem, accepting that, and wanting to find a better way to live life. This is the biggest step of them all.
