You cannot beat a Honey Bun. No way, no how. Undefeated 'beetus in a bag. It's really in it's own category, and unlike anything else up there.
Second, I think you have to go with the bag of Lil Choco Donuts. For starters, it's an acceptable breakfast for a growing boy or man. Get you a bag and a jug of milk. Eat em like cereal.
^Those two are hearty, healthy food options for a growing boy and/or manchild.
Now, you get to the really sugary sweet nonsense type stuff, and you can pretty much go whichever way here....unless you go Cosmic Brownie which a bastard brownie with horrible texture and taste. The top 3 performers in this class, truly classic treats, are the Oatmeal Cream Pie, Nutty Buddy, and Swiss Cake Roll.
There really are no other suitable options.
edit: Didn't see the Donut Sticks at first glance. That's a very hearty breakfast treat, and would rank second between the Honey Bun and Chocolate Donuts.