Family Estrangement

[dinglefritz]

Probably hung around with friends that had those beliefs and that swayed her .

Teachers they admire are a HUGE factor. Dads have been portrayed as dumbasses in virtually every television show for decades now but they cool American government or debate teacher are the answer.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

It’s not quite that simple. We raised our kids a certain way. Our style was low-key, but there were signs.Our friends followed similar patterns.

There’s been a certain societal shift that shapes behavior. The state has grown in power and influence. If some rando has an ax to grind with you for who knows what, you know they can call CPS or the sheriff for a wellness check. That invisible force keeps people in line. It used to be a kid could walk a few blocks to the corner store. Now you worry that Karen is going to snitch on you on social media because she’s afraid your kid will get Johnny Gosched.

Do you think spanking is an acceptable form of punishment? You better be careful because that could get you a lot of trouble. The result? The advent of the softest generation of Americans ever. That isn’t just an opinion from a close minded goof like me. Kids are not hitting historical benchmarks. They’re not doing as well in school, they’re afraid to date, a lot of them are afraid to drive cars, mild pushback is considered aggression and threatening. It’s comical and scary at the same time. But we gotta be nice to these softies because we will need them to help keep this dysfunctional world propped up

I was forced to take "sensitivity training" as a rough and tumble commercial concrete general foreman.

Construction was always an outlier, language and habits. As a young guy I was regularly insulted, but to even tell a guy he is not cutting it to your expectations now is tricky.

Sensitivity training for Piledrivers is the silliest waste of time yet created. I was trained in the words I could not use, and the way to support the "team member" not reaching my expectations.

Thank goodness I retired and have no more training!

Lots of women came into the trades in my career and harrassing any of them was never allowed by us. It is a pleasure to have a woman around as long as they were performing. There is a limit physically, but not mentally or attitude wise.

Things have changed as one can be assured there was no Sensitivity training in 1980, and it was not needed! We took our criticism and went home. "Never bring your feelngs to work, or they likely will be hurt" was the mantra we all lived with.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Teachers they admire are a HUGE factor. Dads have been portrayed as dumbasses in virtually every television show for decades now but they cool American government or debate teacher are the answer.

Teachers are not a huge factor, maybe a super tiny factor, we see your kids for about 4 hours a week for about 8 months for about one year of their life.

Now, you are dead on about sitcoms portraying the Dad as a moron and the Mom with all the power.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

Teachers are not a huge factor, maybe a super tiny factor, we see your kids for about 4 hours a week for about 8 months for about one year of their life.

Now, you are dead on about sitcoms portraying the Dad as a moron and the Mom with all the power.

I will disagree here. In my case I had teachers be significantly more influential than my parents. Mostly their shortcomings, but do not discount the incredible influence teachers have in a child's life, both good and bad.

You are a teacher, pretty witty and well spoken. I bet your students like you, and some you have really inspired.

My teachers at LSE and College profs (some) really shaped my life. My moral backbone was from family, but entirely unpleasant, but a little did stick.

Teachers were very much a part of who I am. I saw teachers more hours a day as I grew older than I saw my parents!

 

[OctavianDillard]

I recently had a good friend get pissed at me and he stormed out of my house. He says he is a Republican but he hates Trump. I am also a Republican who doesn't actually like Trump but I don't hate him. I voted third party. My friend didn't like me defending Trump at times or being indifferent on certain topics. He says we need more than two parties but says I wasted my vote on a third party. He thinks we need to get rid of the electoral college but I pointed out Trump won the popular vote. He thought Harris lost due to racism and sexism. I said she was just a terrible candidate. I asked myself how is he a Republican? I have come to the conclusion that this is his problem and not mine. I can be friends with someone despite their politics. He can't be friends with someone for voting third party and not sharing his TDS?

There are studies on this

 

[steinek11]

Teachers they admire are a HUGE factor. Dads have been portrayed as dumbasses in virtually every television show for decades now but they cool American government or debate teacher are the answer.

Nailed it. My sister who is seven years younger than me had a teacher in her 20s that she admired a lot. The teacher was a huge tramp.

I’m home for Christmas one year, I’m 24 anf my sister is 17 at the time. They would write each other little notes back-and-forth. Several of her friends looked up to this hip teacher, who ‘got them’ This was way before cell phones obviously. So I see a note on the counter and I pick it up and read it. The teacher wrote this cryptic note about how great turtlenecks are and that she hopes my sister gets her first one over Christmas break. I wasn’t too happy about this teacher being so buddy buddy and promoting this. It was completely inappropriate.

Anyways, my sister was influenced to go to a private college in Minnesota. She did indeed become a big bleeding heart liberal from that experience I’m convinced. If she had never met that tramp, she probably ends up at Iowa State where she belongs and would be a registered Republican that didn’t need a therapist in her 40s to this day. Gotta keep an eye on these shady teachers and therapists.

 

[HuskerO58]

I get what you are saying but the reason that women were looking for a man to "protect and care for them" is because for the most part they were stuck. No college education no real careers and limited choices when it came to careers. That part has changed, thank goodness.

Now that both of them, man/woman (for this, we can assume only two genders) can make money and have nice lives...so the playing field is very level. I would again say it is like the transfer portal. We see how many players hated their situation and wanted to leave but felt stuck...but not anymore.

The part that changed was, "what do women want out of life and what makes them the most happy?"

People thought women were miserable being "trad" wives / stay at home moms. And maybe women who were trad wives thought they'd be happier being able to work more, stay home less.

Turns out families where both couples work full time and try to raise a family hasnt brought any more happiness to anyone's lives on a grand scale. Couples are more miserable now than they ever have before.

Also, you can still have a real nice life even under 1 income. Yeah, you may a smaller house, not the newest car and go to Disney every family vacations, but couples arent as miserable because the stress of their ****** jobs.

 

[Huskers12345]

Teachers they admire are a HUGE factor. Dads have been portrayed as dumbasses in virtually every television show for decades now but they cool American government or debate teacher are the answer.

Haha if your kids admire a teacher over their own dad, than dad likely IS a dumbass or a loser. All the stuff that people all over the internet stress about, not a concern for me. Pretty easy to get out ahead of anyone that is influencing your kids by actually spending quality time with them, every day.

 

[HuskerO58]

Lots of women came into the trades in my career and harrassing any of them was never allowed by us. It is a pleasure to have a woman around as long as they were performing. There is a limit physically, but not mentally or attitude wise.

Things have changed as one can be assured there was no Sensitivity training in 1980, and it was not needed! We took our criticism and went home. "Never bring your feelngs to work, or they likely will be hurt" was the mantra we all lived with.

If women arent limited mentally or attitude wise in the construction trade, then why is more sensitivity training happening? Assuming that's the case.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

If women arent limited mentally or attitude wise in the construction trade, then why is more sensitivity training happening? Assuming that's the case.

Not sure I understand your question. Was guys, younger ones I had issues with. Could have been me, maybe I needed the training.

As far as women, capable women were welcome. Most gravitated to plumbing and electrical where the sheer physical demands were not as much.

 

[Huskerlife39]

How did you and your daughter end up with such different political beliefs?

My daughter went to a very liberal university in Colorado and came back with very different views on social and political issues. She then got a job working for a public library which thoroughly reinforced those beliefs.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

My daughter went to a very liberal university in Colorado and came back with very differing views on social and political issues. She then got a job working for a public library which thoroughly reinforced those beliefs.

Influence of teachers once again.

 

[davecisar]

Reminds me of my sister. She’s been going to therapy and has got her family going now too. She recommended it to me and I laughed. where does this **** end? She’s had a relatively easy life. Great husband, good job, good kids, and decent in-laws. Her canon moment was that they had to help my nephew get through cancer when he was a young kid. He’s fine now. That was a tough chapter, but only made them stronger and more empathetic to others.

Why do people want to constantly dredge up the past and relive that trash? You made it through some tough stuff and there will be more tough stuff. But you focus on the good and lean into that. I’m not letting some head shrinker inti move the furniture around. We’d have to be talking about some serious abuse to justify that.

Amen- when someone constantly ruminates about things they think were negative in their past - they draw more negativity to them. Proven in a number of scientific studies- it’s a vibrations thing. Very destructive

 

[Big bo fan]

Influence of teachers once again.

Yep . I know kids that have dropped classes at Lincoln because the professors harp on how fkd up the government on every level is and they almost forgot to teach the kids the subject at hand. College is for you to grow up and expand the new chapter in your life and teach you to socialize. But honestly all the stories I heard about a lot of these professors I would probably get an online degree today.

 

[HuskerO58]

Not sure I understand your question. Was guys, younger ones I had issues with. Could have been me, maybe I needed the training.

As far as women, capable women were welcome. Most gravitated to plumbing and electrical where the sheer physical demands were not as much.

I took your previous comment that you saw or foresaw more sensitivity training coming towards your trade. Where there was very little to none when you first started.

Maybe I misinterpreted part of your post.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

Yep . I know kids that have dropped classes at Lincoln because the professors harp on how fkd up the government on every level is and they almost forgot to teach the kids the subject at hand. College is for you to grow up and expand the new chapter in your life and teach you to socialize. But honestly all the stories I heard about a lot of these professors I would probably get an online degree today.

Kids are easily convinced of damn near anything.

I am glad for the influence my teachers had. I kinda turnded out OK?

 

[Spectrumalaska]

I took your previous comment that you saw or foresaw more sensitivity training coming towards your trade. Where there was very little to none when you first started.

Maybe I misinterpreted part of your post.

Sensitivity training already exists in commercial construction, I suffered through it.

Construction is a place where feelngs stay home. Making it soft will not improve quality or efficiency.

My senile old fuhk perspective anyway.

 

[Scoop123]

I haven't read this thread since page 1 but a quick scan and it feels like a male version of The View going on here.

 

[NEHuskerJack95]

Wow, I didn't expect this to take off like it did..

Several of you commented about the prevalence of Estrangement, Ghosting and/or No Contact in society today and how social media may play a part. Other than the counselor mentioned in my original post, I have not spoken with anyone about this situation. It's just too embarrassing.

I have read every word of every reply.

Some of you asked for more details in order to better understand. We have shared detail after detail with our counselor, including when we had Covid and our Daughter-in-Law brought soup to us and checked on us continuously.

Some of you asked questions for clarification. I purposely didn't provide some details in order to ensure privacy for all involved.

1. To SuperBigFan69 -- The easy thing is to blame our Daughter-in-Law. I don't have any knowledge that she is primarily responsible and she's certainly not horrible. Besides, it makes our Son look weak and provides an easy out. He's not a weak guy. Also, I don't wish Divorce on anyone.

2. To HuskerinCarolina -- We moved from Nebraska two years ago and naturally don't attend any events. The Estrangement began more than a year before the move. During that year, I attended quite a few sports events without anyone knowing. Birthday cards/presents have continued to be sent every year. In the spring of 2023, there was an incident. I have found it hard to believe that one incident led to the past three years. My Son explained away the incident, accepting no responsibility. In the OP, I said we had been told we were 'Angry' but were never told what we were angry about. My wife and I have apologized many times for anything we may have done. Asking my Son to write a letter is a good idea; he doesn't respond to anything from us.

3. To NikkiSixx -- I understand your comments regarding looking deeper and inner work. My wife and I have done a lot of soul-searching on this and other topics. We've spent thousands on counseling, with progress in several areas, but not this one. You are completely off-base implying that cards/presents have been sent for acknowledgement. Since we don't have many grandkids, we were able to make Big Deals out of Birthdays and holidays, like Valentine Day, Halloween, Easter, etc. When the grandkids were younger, our Daughter-in-Law encouraged and helped them write Thank-You notes.

4. To Big bo fan -- They have been married for over 20 years. The Grandkids are 15 (16 in September), 13 (14 in August) and 11 (earlier this month). The only way I could tell the whole story would be to write a book

5. To RBigredMax1 -- If my Son were to write a letter explaining this to us, I would expect to hear of some hurtful issues. My Daughter-in-Law's Mom passed away in November 2021, eighteen months before the Estrangement started. Her Mom and Dad did not live in Omaha. Shortly after that, our Daughter-in-Law told my wife that her mom and my wife had a really good relationship, much better than her mom had with her siblings' Mothers-in-Law. In November 2022, our Daughter-in-Law wanted to spend her Birthday with us rather than with her siblings. Her Dad moved back to Omaha in the summer of 2023.

6. To skin-tight -- I can say with 100% certainty that Politics are not an issue.

7. To SuperBigFan69 -- No one is a fireman or farmer. My wife is a retired teacher. I'm curious why you asked. Of course, there is more to the story...on both sides. See my earlier comment on privacy.

8. o Nuts McClanahan -- Good advice. We've been waiting things out for over three years and have no other choice at this point.

9. To mgbreeze -- I didn't intend on posting and leaving. I have read every word of every reply and put some thought into my replies to individual posters,

Up to seven pages and counting...

Some observations and Comments:

-- There has never been any type of abuse of or by anyone involved; another thing with 100% certainty.

-- More details on the 'incident:' From Mid-April to Mid-May 2023, grandkid didn't speak to grandma. Grandma attended every sports event, sometimes driving across town after work, just to see a half-hour. One time after a sports event, grandma walked grandkid to the car with her arm around her. Grandkid removed grandma's arm, got into the car and didn't say anything. Our Son witnessed this. Several weeks later after a game, grandkid smarted off to grandma after grandma tried to talk to grandkid. On the way to the parking lot, grandma asked Daughter-in-Law why grandkid wouldn't talk to her. Daughter-in-Law apparently didn't like the question. Our Son was not there because he was with another grandkid at their game.

-- I attended some sports events in the fall of 2023 and spring of 2024. We moved from Nebraska in the summer 2024 and have not attended any events. The move was not related to this situation in any way.

-- To BIG RED, thank you for the recommendation to turn to God. We, especially my wife, have prayed for healing for all involved. Being Catholic, she says the rosary nearly every day.

-- Again, I can say with 100% certainty that politics are not an issue.

-- When it comes to our Son and Daughter-in-Law, I've never thought of them in the 'Kids these Days' manner. They are both college graduates, financially responsible and look out for their family.

There are some comments that don't correctly reflect our situation. I've shared everything I'm comfortable with. I would like to send a couple Private Messages but they aren't allowed on this site.

I appreciate everyone's consideration and input. I had no idea this would attract so much attention.

This is my last post on this topic.

Thanks and GBR.

 

[Huskerlife39]

Up to seven pages and counting...

Some observations and Comments:

-- There has never been any type of abuse of or by anyone involved; another thing with 100% certainty.

-- More details on the 'incident:' From Mid-April to Mid-May 2023, grandkid didn't speak to grandma. Grandma attended every sports event, sometimes driving across town after work, just to see a half-hour. One time after a sports event, grandma walked grandkid to the car with her arm around her. Grandkid removed grandma's arm, got into the car and didn't say anything. Our Son witnessed this. Several weeks later after a game, grandkid smarted off to grandma after grandma tried to talk to grandkid. On the way to the parking lot, grandma asked Daughter-in-Law why grandkid wouldn't talk to her. Daughter-in-Law apparently didn't like the question. Our Son was not there because he was with another grandkid at their game.

-- I attended some sports events in the fall of 2023 and spring of 2024. We moved from Nebraska in the summer 2024 and have not attended any events. The move was not related to this situation in any way.

-- To BIG RED, thank you for the recommendation to turn to God. We, especially my wife, have prayed for healing for all involved. Being Catholic, she says the rosary nearly every day.

-- Again, I can say with 100% certainty that politics are not an issue.

-- When it comes to our Son and Daughter-in-Law, I've never thought of them in the 'Kids these Days' manner. They are both college graduates, financially responsible and look out for their family.

There are some comments that don't correctly reflect our situation. I've shared everything I'm comfortable with. I would like to send a couple Private Messages but they aren't allowed on this site.

I appreciate everyone's consideration and input. I had no idea this would attract so much attention.

This is my last post on this topic.

Thanks and GBR.

Lol, after reading your responses, where you assert that you know for 100% certain that a number of suggestions are not “the reason”. I’m reasonably certain that you already know what the "actual reason" is and that it likely doesn’t portray you in as favorable light as you would like.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Nailed it. My sister who is seven years younger than me had a teacher in her 20s that she admired a lot. The teacher was a huge tramp.

I’m home for Christmas one year, I’m 24 anf my sister is 17 at the time. They would write each other little notes back-and-forth. Several of her friends looked up to this hip teacher, who ‘got them’ This was way before cell phones obviously. So I see a note on the counter and I pick it up and read it. The teacher wrote this cryptic note about how great turtlenecks are and that she hopes my sister gets her first one over Christmas break. I wasn’t too happy about this teacher being so buddy buddy and promoting this. It was completely inappropriate.

Anyways, my sister was influenced to go to a private college in Minnesota. She did indeed become a big bleeding heart liberal from that experience I’m convinced. If she had never met that tramp, she probably ends up at Iowa State where she belongs and would be a registered Republican that didn’t need a therapist in her 40s to this day. Gotta keep an eye on these shady teachers and therapists.

Would it have been okay if that shady teacher had said that turtlenecks were evil and that your sister should go to ISU and register as a Republican?

 

[SuperBigFan69]

The part that changed was, "what do women want out of life and what makes them the most happy?"

People thought women were miserable being "trad" wives / stay at home moms. And maybe women who were trad wives thought they'd be happier being able to work more, stay home less.

Turns out families where both couples work full time and try to raise a family hasnt brought any more happiness to anyone's lives on a grand scale. Couples are more miserable now than they ever have before.

Also, you can still have a real nice life even under 1 income. Yeah, you may a smaller house, not the newest car and go to Disney every family vacations, but couples arent as miserable because the stress of their ****** jobs.

Couples are miserable because being married is miserable. Very few people actually find "the one" because that is a fairy tale.

It is just easier for women to end things now...

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Amen- when someone constantly ruminates about things they think were negative in their past - they draw more negativity to them. Proven in a number of scientific studies- it’s a vibrations thing. Very destructive

Ha...no ****??

Thinking about horrible stuff that happened to you can bring more negative thoughts? Wow, amazing insight. Probably just a lot better to pretend that bad **** never happened.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Lol, after reading your responses, where you assert that you know for 100% certain that a number of suggestions are not “the reason”. I’m reasonably certain that you already know what the actual reason is and that it likely doesn’t portray you in as favorable light as you would like.

Like in therapy. The poster that started this wanted answers that made him feel like he was right. It happens all the time.

 

[NEHuskerJack95]

NM

 

[NEHuskerJack95]

Like in therapy. The poster that started this wanted answers that made him feel like he was right. It happens all the time.

I thought I had made my last post on this but I lied.

Re-read the original post.

I asked if anyone had gone through something similar and for advice.

Of course, there are two sides to the story.

I can only relate my side because that's all I know with certainty.

We have written to our Son that we don't have to be 'Right.'

We've gotten little more than crickets.

 

[steinek11]

My daughter went to a very liberal university in Colorado and came back with very different views on social and political issues. She then got a job working for a public library which thoroughly reinforced those beliefs.

If ever I want to enter a room full of retards, it is accomplished at any branch of the Omaha public libraries. Are they still wearing Covid masks? Bunch of indoor cats.

 

[steinek11]

Would it have been okay if that shady teacher had said that turtlenecks were evil and that your sister should go to ISU and register as a Republican?

Said teacher should have stuck to teaching English lit and not gone out of her way to be buddies with teenagers.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Said teacher should have stuck to teaching English lit and not gone out of her way to be buddies with teenagers.

Sure...but that is not what I asked.

Would you have been okay with her telling your sister to go to ISU and to be a Republican? I am guessing, based off what you said, the answer is "Yes", that would have been okay with you. Which is totally fine with me.

 

[skin-tight]

My Gawd did anyone watch the WC 3rd place match France v England?

Holy **** I only watched about 45-50 minutes and saw 6 goals.

England 6 France 4 There was less defense than an NBA allstar game.

 

[steinek11]

Sure...but that is not what I asked.

Would you have been okay with her telling your sister to go to ISU and to be a Republican? I am guessing, based off what you said, the answer is "Yes", that would have been okay with you. Which is totally fine with me.

Studies have proven that conservative, trad leaning ladies are happier and more satisfied with their lives than libs and miserable feminist cat moms. So, yes. If you’re gonna steer, at least do it correctly.

 

[SuperBigFan69]

Studies have proven that conservative, trad leaning ladies are happier and more satisfied with their lives than libs and miserable feminist cat moms. So, yes. If you’re gonna steer, at least do it correctly.

Totally fair!

 

[Huskerlife39]

If ever I want to enter a room full of retards, it is accomplished at any branch of the Omaha public libraries. Are they still wearing Covid masks? Bunch of indoor cats.

lol, yep, some still wear Covid masks. Anytime they get sick, they still Covid test. My daughter isn’t immune, I think she’s had herself Covid tested 3 or 4 times this year. She tested positive once and warned me that I should stay away from her (I didn’t). I laughed every night that I brought her dinner because she was self isolating.

 

[HuskerO58]

Up to seven pages and counting...

Some observations and Comments:

-- There has never been any type of abuse of or by anyone involved; another thing with 100% certainty.

-- More details on the 'incident:' From Mid-April to Mid-May 2023, grandkid didn't speak to grandma. Grandma attended every sports event, sometimes driving across town after work, just to see a half-hour. One time after a sports event, grandma walked grandkid to the car with her arm around her. Grandkid removed grandma's arm, got into the car and didn't say anything. Our Son witnessed this. Several weeks later after a game, grandkid smarted off to grandma after grandma tried to talk to grandkid. On the way to the parking lot, grandma asked Daughter-in-Law why grandkid wouldn't talk to her. Daughter-in-Law apparently didn't like the question. Our Son was not there because he was with another grandkid at their game.

-- I attended some sports events in the fall of 2023 and spring of 2024. We moved from Nebraska in the summer 2024 and have not attended any events. The move was not related to this situation in any way.

-- To BIG RED, thank you for the recommendation to turn to God. We, especially my wife, have prayed for healing for all involved. Being Catholic, she says the rosary nearly every day.

-- Again, I can say with 100% certainty that politics are not an issue.

-- When it comes to our Son and Daughter-in-Law, I've never thought of them in the 'Kids these Days' manner. They are both college graduates, financially responsible and look out for their family.

There are some comments that don't correctly reflect our situation. I've shared everything I'm comfortable with. I would like to send a couple Private Messages but they aren't allowed on this site.

I appreciate everyone's consideration and input. I had no idea this would attract so much attention.

This is my last post on this topic.

Thanks and GBR.

Man... your son saw his own kid disrespect their grandma (his mom) and didn't say anything?

I get on my own kids when they're given a compliment by an adult and their response is a smile & a nod. No, you look at them and say "thank you" where they can hear you.

Perfect example of "kids these days are so disrespectful" when a lot of it was, again, on the parent.

 

[HuskerO58]

Couples are miserable because being married is miserable. Very few people actually find "the one" because that is a fairy tale.

It is just easier for women to end things now...

Of course finding "the one" is a fairy tell. That doesn't mean you can't have an amazing & fulfilling life with the one you end up choosing.

 

[bmb81664]

Of course finding "the one" is a fairy tell. That doesn't mean you can't have an amazing & fulfilling life with the one you end up choosing.

Marrying my wife was the best decision I ever made and I have a great life.

 

[Big bo fan]

Man... your son saw his own kid disrespect their grandma (his mom) and didn't say anything?

I get on my own kids when they're given a compliment by an adult and their response is a smile & a nod. No, you look at them and say "thank you" where they can hear you.

Perfect example of "kids these days are so disrespectful" when a lot of it was, again, on the parent.

Yep I am guessing He and Grandma have major issues he doesn’t want to reveal.

 

[Spectrumalaska]

OP should get a Golden Retriever

 

[Scoop123]

 

[Man Woman & Child]

Marrying my wife was the best decision I ever made and I have a great life.

Oh, so you found a filthy rich girl. Niiiiice!!!