Family Estrangement
- Thread starter NEHuskerJack95
- Start date
Just to clarify, which group of people are you referring to as the "poor, innocent victims" @Neb79? Are those the kids choosing the no contact or estrangement? Or the parents/grandparents having it done to them?
Because, if it's the latter, then @steinek11 is spot on. But if it's the other way around, then you are correct. Just wanted to give you a chance to explain further before I judge.
This is a good point. I was talking to this lady at church last week. She’s about 75, super nice, very good personality and she’s pretty conservative, but she never brings up politics
. She has a younger left coast sister who has excommunicated her. They never had a blowup and they didnt talk about politics when they were still on good terms. The best she can figure is that her sister really does not like her by proxy. Christian, must be republican, must therefore be Maga, therefore must be some of the earth or some bizarre reasoning along those lines. The lady I know has a great husband, great family, children, and grandchildren, and many friends. Her life is pretty damn rich. But she told me her sister in California, never got married and is just bitter about everything.
Yeah, I've learned that, unfortunately the politics thing is one of the key contributors in many of these cases. And although the situation that I'm closest to regarding this isn't proven to be politically driven (the kid hasn't told the parents why she won't speak to them), we have all suspected that might be what it is.
Can't imagine at 24 years old, anyone would have such strong political beliefs that they'd disown their family over who they did or didn't vote for. Especially when said family isn't even very political at all. Hardly ever talk about it and never push their views on anyone that I know of. But, we've learned that is a big contributor in many cases.
Also, as an aside, funny you should mention California in your example. The kid in the situation I'm involved with happens to have lived in California for the last 6 years. And all of this has happened since then. Definitely seems more prevalent there.
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I have no idea what the political dynamics or any of the other dynamics are with the O.P. and no one else here knows anything about the relationship dynamics were prior to the family disagreement that took place 3 years ago because the OP has chosen not to reveal them to us although the O.P has essentially asked for our help.
For all we know, the O.P was a pentagram burning satanist and the Son doesn't want his kids around incense, goats blood and wife swapping. or perhaps the DIL is a far right conservative and the OP harps on how Trump is a NAZI when ever the Son or DIL brings the grandkids over.
we really dont have any actionable information to assist the OP.
So, this is the opportunity for the OP to share with us more depth to his story.
Or, it's very possible OP doesn't know. I'm sure he has suspicions, but I've learned that it's very prevalent in a lot of these cases for there never to have been a reason given. They often just go silent with no explanation. In fact, according to a lot of experts, it is proving to be the core of a lot of the reasons in the first place. The fact that the person lacks the ability to discuss things rationally, so the easy route is simply to eliminate contact with the person or persons they disagree with.
Maybe...but remember you are just hearing one side of the story.
Married people tend to NOT like hearing about the freedom that single people have.
A lot of times I think people feel that pressure from their friends/who they are dating.
"What, your parents voted for so-so?!?! How can you still talk to them!!!" Type thing...
With the exception of really extreme case...I think you are spot on.
It tends to just be "little things" that the now grown up kid is angry about and sometimes it is those "little things" that the parent is angry about.
It could be about getting the kid baptized or not...it could be about when they can visit or not visit. It can be the kids being pissed that grandma and grandpa are not more willing to become free daycare servants.
I disagree. I don’t think it matters whose right and whose wrong, or which way they vote, or even if one of them drives a Subaru and has no problem backing into a stall while making others wait for their pansy ***. One side has shut the other one out. All they needs to be done is to understand why, and, if the shutee is willing to make changes, then that will likely lead to more contact. If they aren’t willing to change, for whatever reason, then there will be no contact, at least not for the foreseeable future, and maybe that’s ok. If differences can’t be resolved, at the very least, let them know for time to time that you’re thinking about them and hope they at doing well. Maybe, someday, that makes a difference
I never said someone was "right or someone is wrong". What the folks that are willing to try to assist need is more information on the social, religious, political, child rearing, criminal justice and other hot button items that generally come up in conversation in their sphere of influence. We get it that the OP wasnt given a verbal or written "reason" for being cut off. but what we dont know as Paul Harvey said is "The rest of the story".
There perhaps isnt a wrong or right side. but being able to perhaps isolate areas of conflict is a first step for negotiating a path forward for both sides to better understand each other. and to do that then the OP has to look closely in the mirror and think about how a different generation is perceiving their words and actions .
I think the opposite is actually true. All the people I meet over the age of 50 who are single desperately want to be with someone. They are miserable. Their lives are shallow and empty. I genuinely feel bad for them.
I’m gonna give you the benefit of doubt though because you do seem pretty happy with your situation. And outlier, if you will.
The point was that we really don’t need “actionable information” to help, we don’t need the rest of the story. A number of suggestions have been made, some of them solid, without knowing specifics.
This is a situation that both of things can be true . I think some not all single people want to find someone. Also some but not all married people are extremely jealous at times of the freedom their single friends haveI think the opposite is actually true. All the people I meet over the age of 50 who are single desperately want to be with someone. They are miserable. Their lives are shallow and empty. I genuinely feel bad for them.
I’m gonna give you the benefit of doubt though because you do seem pretty happy with your situation. And outlier, if you will.
I haven’t seen OP reply to any questions or offer any more insight. Maybe he didn’t like the comments and is taking a sledgehammer to his phone and computer?? Maybe the daughter in law has a point?
It’s ok if not knowing raised your suspicions, that was a quick thought of my own as well, however saying it’s a huge red flag was a stretch there, there are cases where you really don’t understand what happened. Things caught you off guard.
besides no matter what happened in the past, this man and his wife are reaching out trying to gain understanding, and I’m assuming they’re willing to own any perceived faults if it can just get them to start restoring that relationship.
You can never go through life assuming that only one person is at fault, that is a sign of narcissism, refusal to take accountability of their own actions.
as far as the OP I hate to hear that you’re going through all that, unfortunately I probably have no better advice than what’s already being put out there… if it was me I’d try to talk with my son one on one without his spouse around and see what’s going on or if it is just his spouse that’s pushing this, be receptive of what they have to say if you can talk to both of them with out kids around. Be sincere with your attempts to restore the relationship, and just pray, ask the good lord for help and guidance.
One thing I have found over years of managing people is there are behaviors people possess that they don’t view as an issue and have never been told they were an issue.
when someone finally brings it up and gives them examples of this behavior, it can be an awakening moment. Not saying OP is an angry individual. But let’s say someone was very angry, maybe a little intimidating … that person probably has not had many people tell them that feedback for fear of repercussion.
OP likely doesn’t know but with actual feedback and specifics it may have an opportunity for an awakening as well.
when someone finally brings it up and gives them examples of this behavior, it can be an awakening moment. Not saying OP is an angry individual. But let’s say someone was very angry, maybe a little intimidating … that person probably has not had many people tell them that feedback for fear of repercussion.
OP likely doesn’t know but with actual feedback and specifics it may have an opportunity for an awakening as well.