Duke Assistant Coaching Gig - Apply Within

[dukiejay]

(It's been a trying few days for Duke basketball fans....let's lighten the mood some. I'm open to additional key responsibilities and qualifications.)

Hello folks.....as many of you may know, with Jeff Capel accepting the head coaching job at Pitt, it has opened up a position on Coach K's staff. After talking with the Duke basketball office (they hung up on me the first six times) about the job, they encouraged me to have other posters from DI apply, as well.

Here's a bit of a preview as to what they're looking for in their ideal candidate.

Key responsibilities
- develop and execute game plans on a regular basis
- track progress on prospective recruits and make sure bag drops go down smoothly
- maintain a high level of focus to complete your job
- provide input to the head coach to attain goals (i.e., when to play zone, when to play man and who should shoot when)
- clean up the current recruiting mess
- make minute distribution charts on a game-by-game basis (sometimes this might be expected of you to do on a half-by-half basis, as well)
- be a 'yes' man
- work proactively with @skysdad to assure referees get their game stipends
- make sure no 'true' road games are ever scheduled
- have lunch at least once per month with Roy Williams (you'll be undercover) to pick his brain
- requires about 120 hours/week

Qualifications
- at least five years experience as an arm chair quarterback
- a minimum of 3,000 posts on Devils Illustrated or other reputable Blue Devils message boards
- must have read at least one coaching book in the past decade
- have the ability to train and motivate others
- working knowledge of basketball (or just being able to dribble a basketball consecutively for over 10 seconds)
- ability to solve message board complaints and present them to the head coach
- providing feedback to message board members to assure them their complaints are being heard and fixed
- the ability to see into the future (clearly) is a huge plus and moves you to the top of the list

Salary isn't competitive and they offer the very basics when it comes to benefits.

Sound just like your dream job? We thought so. Don't miss out on this offer and join the Duke basketball staff today!

 

[dukephysics]

Qualifications
- at least five years experience as an arm chair quarterback

2 years coaching (head or assistant) your 10 year old daughters summer team should fulfill this requirement

 

[RanDEVILman]

I can do everything except the post count and work with Skysdad. Guess I will have to look elsewhere....

 

[DukeDenver]

Qualifications:
-When I die, on my death bed, I will receive total consciousness.

 

[dukiejay]

Qualifications:
-When I die, on my death bed, I will receive total consciousness.

Watching Caddyshack a minimum of five times consecutively should be another qualification.

 

[PixelDevil]

Last year there were definitely some trying days. As right after we got bounced in the first weekend, slowly but surely, the entire starting lineup declared. And not all at once either, 1 at a time. That suuuuuuucked.

 

[dbav]

I'm 5'7". I'll only coach players 6'10" or taller.

 

[skysdad]

I want the job but all I want to do is sit beside Coach K on the bench and slap all the players on their rear end ( not in a sexual way) Iwhen they come out of the game. I wouldn't mind doing the side line interview with the pretty interviewers either. I would also like to be the coach that decides what color road uniforms we will wear so if you are pissed off pisgah you just suck it up and act like you love Duke Blue and White cause that's what it's gonna be. I would also like the be the coach in charge of pointing out rude fans who yell at our players , me or any of the coaches and have them escorted out with the crazies yelling "get out the door." I've always thought Duke could use a guy like that on the bench at I think that guy is me. As far as stall ball goes once the clock got down to 18 seconds I would be yelling " shoot the ball, shoot the ball." If I have to recruit I would bring one or ten of my wife's chocolate chess pie to all recruits. wanda william's "nanner puddin" would become a non factor in recruiting. Every game I ever go to whether it's football, baseball or basketball my tradition is I have a hot dog, a bag of peanuts and a Coke or 10. Yes I know hof coach roy williams love Cokes and I have to admit I like em too but mine would have to be the little glass bottled ones ice cold and I would have them on the bench. I'm not stupid and understand that many Cokes would require several trips to them locker room every game but with all my skills and knowledge I feel I fit the mold. DJ has me fired up and if it wasn't for his thread I would have never even considered it. I will be calling Duke tomorrow and throwing in my hat. OFC

 

[Mac9192]

I've thought long and hard ever since the job posted. After speaking with the family, I've decided to forego my years in public service and enter my name as a Duke assistant.
I'm sure once K reads my resume, and sees how many victories I have from the comfort of my recliner, he will shred everyone else's application and hire me on the spot. The only stipulation I have is I am requesting that I bring along my recliner with me. It is a no lose situation for K, and once he sees how smart I am from that recliner, he will only wonder why he didn't do the same 30+ years earlier. There's no doubt he would have more national titles than he already does.

 

[SwatX1]

I do not want the job.....I would not do that to Duke basketball!!!
I would like the great seat for each game though!!

 

[pisgah101]

Alright fellas, I'm glad y'all have had your fun and you can keep dreaming of getting the job but..... I have decided to apply and I will be hired!
My qualifications go above and beyond what is required..
1. Not only have I coached basketball I had an UNDEFEATED SEASON! Yes you read that right undefeated.. it may of been with a church league boys 4th and 5th grade but still it proves I'm far above average. Heck K doesn't even have one of those seasons!

2. I have far beyond the 3000 post (to my surprise) I have double that!

3. I have in fact read a few coaching books over the past decade.

4. I can in fact dribble for over 10 seconds AND I averaged 8.5 ppg in my intramural league.

5.Lastly I have something y'all don't have. YOUTH!

So no more applications please you're only embarrassing yourselves

 

[Canadian Dukie]

(It's been a trying few days for Duke basketball fans....let's lighten the mood some. I'm open to additional key responsibilities and qualifications.)

Hello folks.....as many of you may know, with Jeff Capel accepting the head coaching job at Pitt, it has opened up a position on Coach K's staff. After talking with the Duke basketball office (they hung up on me the first six times) about the job, they encouraged me to have other posters from DI apply, as well.

Here's a bit of a preview as to what they're looking for in their ideal candidate.

Key responsibilities
- develop and execute game plans on a regular basis
- track progress on prospective recruits and make sure bag drops go down smoothly
- maintain a high level of focus to complete your job
- provide input to the head coach to attain goals (i.e., when to play zone, when to play man and who should shoot when)
- clean up the current recruiting mess
- make minute distribution charts on a game-by-game basis (sometimes this might be expected of you to do on a half-by-half basis, as well)
- be a 'yes' man
- work proactively with @skysdad to assure referees get their game stipends
- make sure no 'true' road games are ever scheduled
- have lunch at least once per month with Roy Williams (you'll be undercover) to pick his brain
- requires about 120 hours/week

Qualifications
- at least five years experience as an arm chair quarterback
- a minimum of 3,000 posts on Devils Illustrated or other reputable Blue Devils message boards
- must have read at least one coaching book in the past decade
- have the ability to train and motivate others
- working knowledge of basketball (or just being able to dribble a basketball consecutively for over 10 seconds)
- ability to solve message board complaints and present them to the head coach
- providing feedback to message board members to assure them their complaints are being heard and fixed
- the ability to see into the future (clearly) is a huge plus and moves you to the top of the list

Salary isn't competitive and they offer the very basics when it comes to benefits.

Sound just like your dream job? We thought so. Don't miss out on this offer and join the Duke basketball staff today!

Sounds more like a Mod to me!

 

[dukiejay]

I thought we'd have more applicants. People are being overly modest right now.

 

[Tlass]

Heck, I'll throw my name in the Hat..

• DUKE fan since BEFORE the K era (committed )
• Coached all my kids (3) at the local YMCA (experienced)
• HATE the university of Carrboro (unc) with a passion (Driven and determined)
• Durham resident since 1970, so I will get all the local talent to commit to DUKE (I wouldn't turn them down like that other school)
• Go DUKE!! (sorry attempt to sway the AD)

 

[FearTheBeard_rivals208808]

(It's been a trying few days for Duke basketball fans....let's lighten the mood some. I'm open to additional key responsibilities and qualifications.)

Hello folks.....as many of you may know, with Jeff Capel accepting the head coaching job at Pitt, it has opened up a position on Coach K's staff. After talking with the Duke basketball office (they hung up on me the first six times) about the job, they encouraged me to have other posters from DI apply, as well.

Here's a bit of a preview as to what they're looking for in their ideal candidate.

Key responsibilities
- develop and execute game plans on a regular basis
- track progress on prospective recruits and make sure bag drops go down smoothly
- maintain a high level of focus to complete your job
- provide input to the head coach to attain goals (i.e., when to play zone, when to play man and who should shoot when)
- clean up the current recruiting mess
- make minute distribution charts on a game-by-game basis (sometimes this might be expected of you to do on a half-by-half basis, as well)
- be a 'yes' man
- work proactively with @skysdad to assure referees get their game stipends
- make sure no 'true' road games are ever scheduled
- have lunch at least once per month with Roy Williams (you'll be undercover) to pick his brain
- requires about 120 hours/week

Qualifications
- at least five years experience as an arm chair quarterback
- a minimum of 3,000 posts on Devils Illustrated or other reputable Blue Devils message boards
- must have read at least one coaching book in the past decade
- have the ability to train and motivate others
- working knowledge of basketball (or just being able to dribble a basketball consecutively for over 10 seconds)
- ability to solve message board complaints and present them to the head coach
- providing feedback to message board members to assure them their complaints are being heard and fixed
- the ability to see into the future (clearly) is a huge plus and moves you to the top of the list

Salary isn't competitive and they offer the very basics when it comes to benefits.

Sound just like your dream job? We thought so. Don't miss out on this offer and join the Duke basketball staff today!

• I am an undefeated armchair coach. If players would listen to me when I scream at the TV, Duke would have a lot more wins (I’m looking at you McClure every time you took a 15’ jumpshot) and other teams would have covered the spread.
• I have over 3,000 posts. Everyone of them pure gold.
• I haven’t read any coaching books, but I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.
• I can train and own the adequate amount of firearms to provide motivation to work harder.
• I have 30 years experience as an armchair coach, my 6th grade team went undefeated thanks to us having a 6’ player, and I can dribble for at least 10 seconds.
• I can resolve all message board disputes so long as they agree with my opinion. Assuming I’m not star struck and can actually form a coherent sentence, I will relay them to coach K, but I’ll probably just be star struck.
• All message board complaints will be forwarded to the nearest trash can.
• I can see into the future. UNC sucks and Duke is awesome. The end.

I request minimum wage, free tickets to all Duke games for my family, access to Duke medical, and unlimited nanner pudding.

 

[Liftee]

I would like to be the coach in charge of screaming at refs and getting thrown out of the stadium. I practice 40 games a year in front of the TV. I would have been thrown out of all 40 each year. I suspect there will be a lot of competition for this position and it would be wise to have at least several back ups.

 

[2 skerz 3_rivals208847]

(It's been a trying few days for Duke basketball fans....let's lighten the mood some. I'm open to additional key responsibilities and qualifications.)

Hello folks.....as many of you may know, with Jeff Capel accepting the head coaching job at Pitt, it has opened up a position on Coach K's staff. After talking with the Duke basketball office (they hung up on me the first six times) about the job, they encouraged me to have other posters from DI apply, as well.

Here's a bit of a preview as to what they're looking for in their ideal candidate.

Key responsibilities
- develop and execute game plans on a regular basis
- track progress on prospective recruits and make sure bag drops go down smoothly
- maintain a high level of focus to complete your job
- provide input to the head coach to attain goals (i.e., when to play zone, when to play man and who should shoot when)
- clean up the current recruiting mess
- make minute distribution charts on a game-by-game basis (sometimes this might be expected of you to do on a half-by-half basis, as well)
- be a 'yes' man
- work proactively with @skysdad to assure referees get their game stipends
- make sure no 'true' road games are ever scheduled
- have lunch at least once per month with Roy Williams (you'll be undercover) to pick his brain
- requires about 120 hours/week

Qualifications
- at least five years experience as an arm chair quarterback
- a minimum of 3,000 posts on Devils Illustrated or other reputable Blue Devils message boards
- must have read at least one coaching book in the past decade
- have the ability to train and motivate others
- working knowledge of basketball (or just being able to dribble a basketball consecutively for over 10 seconds)
- ability to solve message board complaints and present them to the head coach
- providing feedback to message board members to assure them their complaints are being heard and fixed
- the ability to see into the future (clearly) is a huge plus and moves you to the top of the list

Salary isn't competitive and they offer the very basics when it comes to benefits.

Sound just like your dream job? We thought so. Don't miss out on this offer and join the Duke basketball staff today!

I drink drink a shitload of beer!