Norm Macdonald?
I’d take Norm MacDonald provided he dressed up like Burt Reynolds and changed his name to Turd Ferguson
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/celebrity-jeopardy/n11253
Show this to your wife:
at 17:17 I'm going to get 17'd up while sending a hearty 17 you to the dumb17s up north.
Bonus points if you're finger17ing her while you're having this conversation.
Here's one
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Mississippi-Ole-Miss-Rebels-o-The-Coach-Decal-/262276798753?hash=item3d10ea5921:g:fMAAAOSwJb9WtADF
Seriously, who buys this ****?