Family Estrangement

NikkiSixx

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Feminism just means being equal.

Women were "stuck" with men 50 years ago (Think of it like the transfer portal...you can see how many players were ******* miserable at the school they were at but they felt stuck. Now that they are free to leave...they try to find a happier life), now that women have careers and their own money, they don't "need" a dude and they can have their own lives. Thank god!

You are right about how marriage is bad for men. Especially now. If you get married now you are a dope.
men and women are not equal and should not be treated equally.. differently, with respect to the others strengths.. if you give women the power to divorce, they many times end up destroying the family.. and blame men for it, whether warranted or not. Women are basically adult children and must be contained within a family with some sort of leverage. All the equality propaganda that has been drilled into America's heads is for fools.
 
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I don't belong to any online Discussion Groups, so you guys/gals are it and I need some help.

I hate the word 'Estrangement,' but I don't know how to explain my current situation.

For three years now, my Son, Daughter-in-Law and three Grandkids have had nothing to do with my wife or me.

This is particularly baffling because (at least, we thought) we had a really good relationship with all of them. We have been generous with our finances and our time. We attended every school, sports and extra-curricular activity possible, even watching classes and practices between games. We've always thought of ourselves as being supportive parents and grandparents.

Calls, emails and texts are not answered.

We have sent Christmas and Birthday cards/presents/gift cards with no acknowledgement or response. The kids are all old enough to respond on their own.

We've been told we are 'Angry,' but have no idea what we're supposedly angry about. I am angry about the situation we find ourselves in; I had nothing to be angry about before being shut out of their lives.

We have suggested counseling. They have no interest.

We have been working on our own with a counselor and have tried several recommendations with no success.

Have any of you been through anything similar and/or do you have any advice?

Thanks in advance...
This sucks. A letter, straightforward and simple, that you aren’t certain what you did, but want to know because you are willing to work on whatever it is because you love them and are willing to do whatever it takes to be able to see them. Hopefully they respond. Be honest with yourself about their response. They may have brain rot, which you can’t do much about, reach out with a kind word on occasion. If they have legit gripes, change. If they don’t respond, reach out with a kind word On occasion. Make a genuinely good effort and accept the results, don’t let it consume you, and get on with gettin on.
 

Walleye 1

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men and women are not equal and should not be treated equally.. differently, with respect to the others strengths.. if you give women the power to divorce, they many times end up destroying the family.. and blame men for it, whether warranted or not. Women are basically adult children and must be contained within a family with some sort of leverage. All the equality propaganda that has been drilled into America's heads is for fools.
Haha the narcissistic POS is doubling down. No wonder you had to find someone out of the country. What a cuck
 

HuskerO58

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I will say this on the gift giving thing...

Most people do not give gifts with the intention of demanding something in return. Most people give a gift because they want to make someone happy and they would simply like to know that their gift made that person happy.
Christmas is so painful for me. I hate receiving gifts. Unless it's cash, an experience gift or something from my kids, I'm perfectly okay not receiving anything.

The last thing I need is more stuff.
 
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loper

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An old guy wanted to add a thought in general. Older people as well as younger folks, are sometimes hurting physically/mentally which can have effects on relationships. Thoughtful recognition and allowances by both sides may need to be made as mentioned previously, time is fleeting and should not be wasted in resolving differences. I sympathize for all in these situations.
 
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Spectrumalaska

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I don't belong to any online Discussion Groups, so you guys/gals are it and I need some help.

I hate the word 'Estrangement,' but I don't know how to explain my current situation.

For three years now, my Son, Daughter-in-Law and three Grandkids have had nothing to do with my wife or me.

This is particularly baffling because (at least, we thought) we had a really good relationship with all of them. We have been generous with our finances and our time. We attended every school, sports and extra-curricular activity possible, even watching classes and practices between games. We've always thought of ourselves as being supportive parents and grandparents.

Calls, emails and texts are not answered.

We have sent Christmas and Birthday cards/presents/gift cards with no acknowledgement or response. The kids are all old enough to respond on their own.

We've been told we are 'Angry,' but have no idea what we're supposedly angry about. I am angry about the situation we find ourselves in; I had nothing to be angry about before being shut out of their lives.

We have suggested counseling. They have no interest.

We have been working on our own with a counselor and have tried several recommendations with no success.

Have any of you been through anything similar and/or do you have any advic
Thanks in advance...
I am sorry,

Famliy can really hurt sometimes.
 

SuperBigFan69

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men and women are not equal and should not be treated equally.. differently, with respect to the others strengths.. if you give women the power to divorce, they many times end up destroying the family.. and blame men for it, whether warranted or not. Women are basically adult children and must be contained within a family with some sort of leverage. All the equality propaganda that has been drilled into America's heads is for fools.
Wow
 
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SuperBigFan69

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This sucks. A letter, straightforward and simple, that you aren’t certain what you did, but want to know because you are willing to work on whatever it is because you love them and are willing to do whatever it takes to be able to see them. Hopefully they respond. Be honest with yourself about their response. They may have brain rot, which you can’t do much about, reach out with a kind word on occasion. If they have legit gripes, change. If they don’t respond, reach out with a kind word On occasion. Make a genuinely good effort and accept the results, don’t let it consume you, and get on with gettin on.
There is also a good chance that the parents do know what they did wrong but that they just don't see it as something bad.

Like the poster who things that women are just "adult children that need to be contained", he doesn't see that as being wrong.
 

4.6.3

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...i'd pay to see the reactions of todays kids who divorced their folks, when it comes time to read the will after their folks pass, and they find out they ain't in it.
Sadly many parents won’t change it, because they will believe those people can change. They will only sell everything off and blow the money, that’s what those types always do. It’s sad. Same types of retards that move to Omaha, get fat, “teach” a few months out of the year… all while constantly complaining about other people’s success, and living life as jealous, unhappy ******** until they die.
 
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SuperBigFan69

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Sadly many parents won’t change it, because they will believe those people can change. They will only sell everything off and blow the money, that’s what those types always do. It’s sad. Same types of retards that move to Omaha, get fat, “teach” a few months out of the year… all while constantly complaining about other people’s success, and living life as jealous, unhappy ******** until they die.
Hey...I am not fat!!!
I am big boned!

Also, I love that you still claim to not read ALL MY POSTS :)
 
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skin-tight

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To OP.

A quick real question: How would you describe your opinions on the federal and state politics? How would you describe the political opinions/feelings of your Son? and how would you describe the political leanings of your DIL?
 
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SuperBigFan69

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To the dude that started this post...is there any chance that your son and/or your daughter in-law are firemen, farmers or teachers?

Because that could explain a lot.

Or are you one of those 3 things?
 
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WHCSC

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Well, no one likes hearing this but you got your answer. They don't want to talk to you. The reason really doesn't matter because you can't fix that, no matter what it is...

More than likely, it is your daughter in law that is causing the issues and your Son is in the horrible situation of going against what his "best friend" wants, which just makes a bad marriage even badder...or just pretending like he agrees with her crazy *** and keeping the marriage badness level at a more tolerable.

My advice, just let them be. One of two things will happen

1. They will keep ignoring you, which is the situation you are in so nothing changes.

2. They will get a divorce (Thoughts and Prayers that this happens and your son gets to be free) and he will contact you again. I am guessing his wife is horrible? And of course you realize it now but didn't at first?
We get it: your wife dumped you for a fireman. Time to move on buddy.
 
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SuperBigFan69

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To OP.

A quick real question: How would you describe your opinions on the federal and state politics? How would you describe the political opinions/feelings of your Son? and how would you describe the political leanings of your DIL?
I sort of feel like politics might have something to do with it. I hope not but I think it might.

Look at the weirdos here that have lost their mind(s) over politics and/or something politics adjacent. That Numbers dude became the meanest nastiest poster ever all over politics.
 
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SuperBigFan69

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Yep it just feels like the OP is not quite telling The Whole story here.
There is always more to the story...and more than likely the OP doesn't feel like they ever did anything wrong and that happens all the time...but it doesn't mean that they didn't do something to make their kid mad.

Look at that crazy poster here, Numbers, imagine if his kids saw the **** he posted about the wife of the other dude dying, all the horrible things he posted about that, about how he was happy that the guys wife died and all that ****. Numbers thinks that is totally okay, but his kids might think "oh my god, my Dad is horrible, I don't want to be around that and I don't want my future kids around that"

You see it with heavy drinkers...they think it is no big deal but their kids might hate it and not want THEIR kids around it.

It could be tons of things.
 

Nuts McClanahan

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I see this thread full of people who just want to validate this guy, and themselves, and not actually look at anything they are doing in the situation.

If someone is going no contact, they have a reason. and awareness, something that they understand.. and if the other person is clueless, it tells you that they aren't even paying attention to the dynamics or what is actually going on.

If I am triggering someone, that's a very good clue that you have some inner work to do.
This is spot on. I don't know the situation, but most of the time the fault lies somewhere in the middle. If the OP wants the situation to improve, he and his wife have to do what they can to improve things including things they did wrong that they didn't realize were wrong. If daughter in law is hyper sensitive or in the wrong too, so what? Blaming her will only make things worse.

Here's my suggestion to the OP- Wait things out and continue to support your son's family in the best way possible. Don't post anything on social media, obviously nothing snarky. Keep lines of communication open from your end. Don't offer any parenting advice, respect boundaries. Keep things positive. Try for a fresh start and hopefully it will happen one day. Life is short. Never give up.
 

RBigredMax1

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There is always more to the story...and more than likely the OP doesn't feel like they ever did anything wrong and that happens all the time...but it doesn't mean that they didn't do something to make their kid mad.

Look at that crazy poster here, Numbers, imagine if his kids saw the **** he posted about the wife of the other dude dying, all the horrible things he posted about that, about how he was happy that the guys wife died and all that ****. Numbers thinks that is totally okay, but his kids might think "oh my god, my Dad is horrible, I don't want to be around that and I don't want my future kids around that"

You see it with heavy drinkers...they think it is no big deal but their kids might hate it and not want THEIR kids around it.

It could be tons of things.
Good post . There are people we have avoided just so they could not infect our young kids with their thoughts. Whether it be excessive swearing, racism, alcohol abuse, etc.
 

HuskerInCarolina

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Good post . There are people we have avoided just so they could not infect our young kids with their thoughts. Whether it be excessive swearing, racism, alcohol abuse, etc.
This right here. My wife and I are very selective of who we allow our children to be around and who are allowed around our children. We have a lot of family that we see once a year at most because their habits, lifestyles, standards are not compatible with ours. I'll admit, we have very high standards, but I have no desire to associate with the parts of our family that chooses to remain bottom feeders of society due to victim mindsets, no work ethic, and horrible health habits.

Not only that, but we're also very selective of what they watch. Too many kids are just mindlessly watching reels/videos on social media, youtube shorts for hours on end and we wonder why kids have attention span problems. My sister constantly blames my nephews 3-second attention span on "ADHD" but I personally believe that's a cop out for her crappy parenting and lack of discipline in the house since he's never been tested let alone diagnosed.
 
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SuperBigFan69

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This right here. My wife and I are very selective of who we allow our children to be around and who are allowed around our children. We have a lot of family that we see once a year at most because their habits, lifestyles, standards are not compatible with ours. I'll admit, we have very high standards, but I have no desire to associate with the parts of our family that chooses to remain bottom feeders of society due to victim mindsets, no work ethic, and horrible health habits.

Not only that, but we're also very selective of what they watch. Too many kids are just mindlessly watching reels/videos on social media, youtube shorts for hours on end and we wonder why kids have attention span problems. My sister constantly blames my nephews 3-second attention span on "ADHD" but I personally believe that's a cop out for her crappy parenting and lack of discipline in the house since he's never been tested let alone diagnosed.


When I was a kid it was...Nintendo, bike riding, movies, arcade. Me and my friends were pretty much totally unsupervised from 8am until about 5pm every single day over the summer...starting at around 3rd grade. Most of us grew up that way...and now we think about how great it was but, like you said yourself, as a parent today...you do the exact opposite and regulate your kids lives and activities.

It is interesting how we opine about the "old days" but now as parents we have a constant need to control everything our kids do.
 

Big bo fan

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This right here. My wife and I are very selective of who we allow our children to be around and who are allowed around our children. We have a lot of family that we see once a year at most because their habits, lifestyles, standards are not compatible with ours. I'll admit, we have very high standards, but I have no desire to associate with the parts of our family that chooses to remain bottom feeders of society due to victim mindsets, no work ethic, and horrible health habits.

Not only that, but we're also very selective of what they watch. Too many kids are just mindlessly watching reels/videos on social media, youtube shorts for hours on end and we wonder why kids have attention span problems. My sister constantly blames my nephews 3-second attention span on "ADHD" but I personally believe that's a cop out for her crappy parenting and lack of discipline in the house since he's never been tested let alone diagnosed.
That fine and well, but you have to be careful you don’t want your children growing up thinking they are better than other people. That could hurt them after they leave the house to go out on their own .
 

SuperBigFan69

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That fine and well, but you have to be careful you don’t want your children growing up thinking they are better than other people. That could hurt them after they leave the house to go out on their own .
Every generation of parents worries about the boogie man that doesn't exist.

When I was a kid...it was Heavy Metal music...play that album backwards and it tells me to kill myself!!!!

Later on it was Rated R movies

Then it was violent video games

Meanwhile, like I said, when I was a kid (and you too I am guessing) we were left alone and played outside for 10 hours a day with zero supervision and did anything we wanted.
 
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HuskerO58

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When I was a kid it was...Nintendo, bike riding, movies, arcade. Me and my friends were pretty much totally unsupervised from 8am until about 5pm every single day over the summer...starting at around 3rd grade. Most of us grew up that way...and now we think about how great it was but, like you said yourself, as a parent today...you do the exact opposite and regulate your kids lives and activities.

It is interesting how we opine about the "old days" but now as parents we have a constant need to control everything our kids do.
My son's baseball team (9-10 year olds) had a year end party at a park here in Omaha. Tons of space.

Adults were under the shelter, kids at the playground / splash pad area. Across the parking lot was a baseball diamond & a big open field, maybe 50 yards away.

Some of the boys went to that ball diamond / open area to do whatever (explore, climb a tree, get away from parents, etc).

Of course, a couple of the parents hollered at those kids to come back, which they did. Apparently 50 yards was too far away for some parents to handle. Insane.
 

SuperBigFan69

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My son's baseball team (9-10 year olds) had a year end party at a park here in Omaha. Tons of space.

Adults were under the shelter, kids at the playground / splash pad area. Across the parking lot was a baseball diamond & a big open field, maybe 50 yards away.

Some of the boys went to that ball diamond / open area to do whatever (explore, climb a tree, get away from parents, etc).

Of course, a couple of the parents hollered at those kids to come back, which they did. Apparently 50 yards was too far away for some parents to handle. Insane.
Right???

Meanwhile, when we were kids...I was riding my bike with my friends ALL OVER the place...on a typical day as a 10 year old I would hit up

K-Mart
Video Store (All Star Video!)
Just Fun Arcade (if I could get in, you had to be 15!!)
The park
The back alley of all the stores to look through trash and ride bikes
Friends houses
Friends of friends houses
Baseball Card Shop (Extra Innings)
Back to friends houses to play in the garages and see what kind of **** we could find.

And this was all while my parents were at work and my grandma was "watching me"

No one knew what we were doing!
 

HuskerInCarolina

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My son's baseball team (9-10 year olds) had a year end party at a park here in Omaha. Tons of space.

Adults were under the shelter, kids at the playground / splash pad area. Across the parking lot was a baseball diamond & a big open field, maybe 50 yards away.

Some of the boys went to that ball diamond / open area to do whatever (explore, climb a tree, get away from parents, etc).

Of course, a couple of the parents hollered at those kids to come back, which they did. Apparently 50 yards was too far away for some parents to handle. Insane.
Shoot we used to wander MILES on the daily. Several times we were riding our bikes through the ranges at Camp Pendleton and the police had to come scoop us up because we were interfering with range operations.

Feels like these days its a struggle to get kids outside.
 
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SuperBigFan69

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Shoot we used to wander MILES on the daily. Several times we were riding our bikes through the ranges at Camp Pendleton and the police had to come scoop us up because we were interfering with range operations.

Feels like these days its a struggle to get kids outside.
There is some truth to that but is that bad?

I mean, like we both said, we were basically unsupervised for 10 hours a day...
 
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HuskerO58

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Shoot we used to wander MILES on the daily. Several times we were riding our bikes through the ranges at Camp Pendleton and the police had to come scoop us up because we were interfering with range operations.

Feels like these days its a struggle to get kids outside.
Parents go nuts with their kids being inside all day. So they'll yell at them, "Go outside" and expect them to play in a <quarter acre backyard for 8 hours. Kids are bored af.
 

Big bo fan

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Shoot we used to wander MILES on the daily. Several times we were riding our bikes through the ranges at Camp Pendleton and the police had to come scoop us up because we were interfering with range operations.

Feels like these days its a struggle to get kids outside.
Yep I agree with the last sentence.you tube . All the social media etc..have made it to easy for kids not to go out.
 
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HuskerInCarolina

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When I was a kid it was...Nintendo, bike riding, movies, arcade. Me and my friends were pretty much totally unsupervised from 8am until about 5pm every single day over the summer...starting at around 3rd grade. Most of us grew up that way...and now we think about how great it was but, like you said yourself, as a parent today...you do the exact opposite and regulate your kids lives and activities.

It is interesting how we opine about the "old days" but now as parents we have a constant need to control everything our kids do.
I think another aspect of it is the ease of access to the internet and everything that is on it. That wasn't so feasible in the 90's compared to today. Sneaking grandpa's playboy magazine was a little more challenging than it is to access that stuff today. Both of my kids are still under 8, so the regulations will be tighter until they age and get a better handle on life. I wish I had someone regulate things for me more than I what I had growing up. It would have saved me from a lot of abuse. As with all parenting, it's usually done in the aspect of 'this is what I wish I had as a parent'. I think for the most part the intentions are good. And for the most part its not a bad idea, unless its the 'I wish my parent was more my friend so I am going to be my kids' best friend.' That one is dumb.
As my kids grow and become more mature and responsible, they'll have significantly less regulation so long as they uphold the standard. And its not anything extreme: honesty, integrity, respect, give 100% in everything you do, punctual, do not quit, love, give, obey. These also aren't blanket conditions. If someone is disrespectful, they have no claim to your respect. Obedience is subjective but within reason. If I said to jump out of a moving car, I would hope they wouldn't obey that lol. If a teacher or adult told them to do something that they shouldn't do, I would expect them to not blindly obey that. But obedience to the law, to me and their mother, things like that is what I'm getting at.
 

HuskerInCarolina

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Parents go nuts with their kids being inside all day. So they'll yell at them, "Go outside" and expect them to play in a <quarter acre backyard for 8 hours. Kids are bored af.
Kids also have an amazing imagination and I feel that parents are so quick to stifle that at young ages due to various reasons. Of course a kid is going to get bored in a backyard in July. It's also 100 degrees out.
 
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RBigredMax1

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This right here. My wife and I are very selective of who we allow our children to be around and who are allowed around our children. We have a lot of family that we see once a year at most because their habits, lifestyles, standards are not compatible with ours. I'll admit, we have very high standards, but I have no desire to associate with the parts of our family that chooses to remain bottom feeders of society due to victim mindsets, no work ethic, and horrible health habits.

Not only that, but we're also very selective of what they watch. Too many kids are just mindlessly watching reels/videos on social media, youtube shorts for hours on end and we wonder why kids have attention span problems. My sister constantly blames my nephews 3-second attention span on "ADHD" but I personally believe that's a cop out for her crappy parenting and lack of discipline in the house since he's never been tested let alone diagnosed.
Victim mentality is something that is so easy to come across and it’s one of our key reasons for avoiding people too. It’s one of my biggest frustrations with people and honestly one of the biggest characteristics that keep people from being successful.
 
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