parents - did you spank your kids?
- Thread starter QChawks
- Start date
Never. The only time I've ever wanted to hit either of them was when I was not in control of my emotions. I strongly disagree that spanking kids is either necessary or appropriate. there are so many other options available to get the behavior you are seeking out of your children. I don't understand why you would choose physical pain and dominance and fear as a way to control your children.
I don’t believe I ever did a proper spanking. I know I’ve certainly swatted their *** if they’re out of line.
I mostly would strong arm my children and be very assertive their behavior was unacceptable
I mostly would strong arm my children and be very assertive their behavior was unacceptable
20% of Millennials and Gen Z spank, while 45% of Gen X spanked.
Is that truly shocking?
Could not disagree with this more. Now, I only spanked when they were old enough to put two and two together, and I always warned them first to try and correct the behavior before corporal punishment, but they had to learn that despite warnings, they made choices anyway and those choices have consequences. My kids have also been told that they are not equals to their mother or father (or teacher or adult for that matter) and that we are not there to be their friends. Excellent byproduct, but not my core function. They also say "ma'am" and "sir". Have not had to spank one in years and usually do not have to correct their manners.
why did the consequence have to be to hit your child? There wasn't any other option?
Nope, I have never wanted to my children to fear me. So far it has worked out well as my kids listen to me but also feel safe enough to tell me things.
But I have perfected the shoulder squeeze/Vulcan Death Grip my mother used on us. It quiets them down quickly without using sharp pain or leaving a mark. It is also good for getting them through a store that you don't want them touching anything in.
My son has always been very money driven, so I make him pay me for his bad behavior. All I do is tell him "$5" and he falls in line pretty quickly.
My daughter's best motivator is loss of time with friends. So I say "You won't see XXXX for a week if you continue" and she usually stops what she is doing. But she is the one who pushes boundaries more than my son, but I actually encourage that for her.
But I have perfected the shoulder squeeze/Vulcan Death Grip my mother used on us. It quiets them down quickly without using sharp pain or leaving a mark. It is also good for getting them through a store that you don't want them touching anything in.
My son has always been very money driven, so I make him pay me for his bad behavior. All I do is tell him "$5" and he falls in line pretty quickly.
My daughter's best motivator is loss of time with friends. So I say "You won't see XXXX for a week if you continue" and she usually stops what she is doing. But she is the one who pushes boundaries more than my son, but I actually encourage that for her.
I swatted my son once. It wasn't effective and I felt like crap afterwards.
The fact is, there were much more effective ways to control their behavior that didn't involve hitting them.
Both my kids grew up into good citizens without beatings.
I remember my dad sending me to pick out a belt, I don't think it had anything (positive) to do with how I turned out.
The fact is, there were much more effective ways to control their behavior that didn't involve hitting them.
Both my kids grew up into good citizens without beatings.
I remember my dad sending me to pick out a belt, I don't think it had anything (positive) to do with how I turned out.
They chose not to take the other options. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. You do/did what you do/did and I do/did what I do/did. People can parent, within reason, how they want. I can tell you this: I don't have the same behavior problems with my kids that many of my friends do with theirs (that didn't spank). And you ride a line with the fear thing - a little fear is healthy. Your kids can have a healthy fear of you as well as still trust you if you do it right. Sometimes fear of repercussions might be the only thing that keeps them on the right path.
I spanked my son one time, when he was 3 with an open hand to his backside. Maybe two swats. I made sure I wasn't angry. He didn't even cry, though I wasn't trying to actually hurt him.
I had high expectations for his behavior, but never needed to spank him after that. In fact I never really had to raise my voice. The flip side is that I didn't do the pleading, soft voice that current parents use. I didn't threaten him. I didn't have to.
BTW, I'm a boomer.
I had high expectations for his behavior, but never needed to spank him after that. In fact I never really had to raise my voice. The flip side is that I didn't do the pleading, soft voice that current parents use. I didn't threaten him. I didn't have to.
BTW, I'm a boomer.
My line of work leads my path to cross the paths of parents whose “spanking” leaves marks that last for days and lead to criminal charges.
So I readily admit that I’m completely biased on this topic. I’m glad it worked out for you from your perspective. I think it would be interesting to hear your children’s perspective on physical discipline.
you are absolutely correct that a parent must have expectations and that there must be consequences for violating those expectations. I agree completely. My point is there are consequences that are more effective and less damaging than physically hitting your child. Why not use one of those options?
Because I chose to parent differently then that. Maybe there are more effective ways and maybe there aren't. I must admit, my method was pretty effective at behavior correction.
Spanking isn't "hitting"
It's a very controlled thing.
And you don't necessarily want to do it.
As much as people like to debate this topic, I just haven't seen much evidence supporting the notion that spanking is a real problem.
Only if you are a controlled parent.
Obviously can't be a dickweavel, but it's more personal preference than right or wrong if you're a reasonable and in control...
My parents spanked, not often, but if they felt like the crime was bad enough.
It didn't phase me or my three siblings. If anything it just made us better at hiding our behavior. It didn't stop us from doing anything bad.
It did teach me that pain is temporary, so I guess it may have made me a better football player.
I get it. Parents can use it responsibility.
That said, I am sure no one who takes it too far thinks they are taking it too far in the moment.
My kids are 6 and 3. We do not spank and it's a very firm rule with the grandparents. The data that exists is overwhelmingly against spanking so we don't do it. I was spanked as a child, I think my wife was once.
FWIW, I can remember times where both of my parents hit me out of anger and not for discipline. Probably not enough for CPS to take me away but enough that people in public would be shocked. It left an impression with me, and not a positive one of my parents.
FWIW, I can remember times where both of my parents hit me out of anger and not for discipline. Probably not enough for CPS to take me away but enough that people in public would be shocked. It left an impression with me, and not a positive one of my parents.
pre boomer, I was spanked and I spanked. Don't know if it made any difference, but my offspring turned out great and have great personal discipline.
Never had to spank my kids. Other methods were effective, and my kids were never problems to begin with.
I got spanked once as a kid. Lost a lot of respect for my parents for that. Saw how weak they were in that moment. That's the distinct moment I realized my parents weren't intelligent like I was. The issue could have been resolved in a non-violent way, easily. They panicked (even though it was done in a "controlled" manner). When you get violent with someone who is your charge, you've done nothing but compromise your own standing as an authority figure and/or imprint onto the recipient that violence = authority. I don't hold it against them - they were doing their best and messed up.
I don't know how my perspective would change if my kids were problems, but I haven't had to find out. Luckily, they inherited the intelligence of my wife and I, and they were reasoning their way through complex social problems (as complex as the issues of a 6-7 year old could be) at an early age. My guess is, except for inherent clinical issues, most of those problems are derived from poor parenting in the first place, so you compound poor parenting with more poor parenting by spanking.
I got spanked once as a kid. Lost a lot of respect for my parents for that. Saw how weak they were in that moment. That's the distinct moment I realized my parents weren't intelligent like I was. The issue could have been resolved in a non-violent way, easily. They panicked (even though it was done in a "controlled" manner). When you get violent with someone who is your charge, you've done nothing but compromise your own standing as an authority figure and/or imprint onto the recipient that violence = authority. I don't hold it against them - they were doing their best and messed up.
I don't know how my perspective would change if my kids were problems, but I haven't had to find out. Luckily, they inherited the intelligence of my wife and I, and they were reasoning their way through complex social problems (as complex as the issues of a 6-7 year old could be) at an early age. My guess is, except for inherent clinical issues, most of those problems are derived from poor parenting in the first place, so you compound poor parenting with more poor parenting by spanking.
I think some posters’ parents spanked them on the head
I was spanked: belt, wooden spoon, blinds dowel, pick your own switch out of the yard. I don't think I have alot of trauma from it, however, I think that the trauma came in a full package of evangelical shame, southern racism, religious indoctrination, and southern culture. Tbh the spanking was the least traumatic of the list above.
However, I chose not to spank my kids. I have 4, and I struggle to think that laying a hand on them in that manner is ever called for.
Lastly, the Millennial "gentle parenting" movement as a response to the aforementioned trauma did NOT work. I had my first kid at the height of it, and most in my circle of Millennial parents have abandoned the whole gentle parenting concept because trying to emotionally reason with a 2 year makes NO sense and discipline is ABSOLUTELY necessary regardless of the emotions of your child in the moment.
However, I chose not to spank my kids. I have 4, and I struggle to think that laying a hand on them in that manner is ever called for.
Lastly, the Millennial "gentle parenting" movement as a response to the aforementioned trauma did NOT work. I had my first kid at the height of it, and most in my circle of Millennial parents have abandoned the whole gentle parenting concept because trying to emotionally reason with a 2 year makes NO sense and discipline is ABSOLUTELY necessary regardless of the emotions of your child in the moment.
Here, HROT, everywhere, I think about 5 percent of the posters had Dr. Evil's father.
We did spank our kids when deemed necessary. The threat of a spanking was usually enough though. I got spanked as a kid at home and at school.