Salutations friends! It is your Pugnacious Pigskin Prognosticator, Major Amos B. Hoople, returning with his picks for Week 5 of the Big Ten football season. Last week I finished with a sizzling 7-1, making my record so far 53-6. Gadzooks, that is a 90% success rate! <kaff-kaff>
Now, let’s take a gander at the ol’ crystal ball and see what’s on tap for this week.
Rutgers at Minnesota. The Red Knights are fresh off an entertaining (albeit losing) effort against Iowa. They face the pesky boat rowers of Minnesota, fully rested after a bye week. The Gophers are a slight favorite, but after seeing Rutgers’ receivers in action, I think they are prime to pull the upset.
Rutgers 35 Minnesota 31
USC at Illinois. USC travels eastward for an early tilt against the Battling Berts. This is an interesting matchup. The Illini were ranked #9 until they ran into the Indiana buzzsaw, leaving football fans to wonder just how good this team really is. USC puts their undefeated record on the line. The Galloping Ghost isn’t going to help this week as The Trojans prevail. <har-rumph>
USC 23 Illinois 17
Ohio State at Washington. The Huskies sport a somewhat surprising 3-0 record. The Bucks are an unsurprising 3-0. Washington may have the sled dogs, but it won’t be snowing in Seattle.
Ohio State 38 Washington 20
UCLA at Northwestern. The Bruin ship no longer has its captain, as Coach DeShaun Foster has already been thrown overboard. Tim is the new Skipper…for now. The Kitties have managed one win so far. Somebody has to win this game.
Northwestern 17 UCLA 13
Oregon at Penn State. While the women of the Hoople boardinghouse will be gathered around the Stewart-Warner R-146A to catch the latest episode of One Man’s Family, the menfolk will be watching this week’s marquee matchup on that new-fangled thing called a television. The giant 10 inch screen will hold these codgers spellbound on what should be a crackerjack contest. The Ducks are once again flying high and the Lions are off to their typical good start. James Franklin has developed a reputation for not winning the big games. This is his chance to put the kibosh on that. Home field is a big advantage here. <hep-kemph>
Penn State 30 Oregon 27
And finally….
Indiana at Iowa. The Flying Herky’s won a captivating game in Piscataway last week. Transfer QB Mark Gronowski continues to improve as he works his way into the form that won 2 national championships at South Dakota State. The Hoosiers demolished a determined Illinois team last week in a game in which everything worked. Even the water boy would have scored if given a chance. Indiana has a high powered air attack, while Iowa’s weakness is their defensive secondary (though they rose to the occasion in the second half against Rutgers).
Iowa cannot afford to get into a scoring contest with the Hoosiers. Their only hope is to slow things down and make this an in-the-trenches slugfest. Will this be a Happy Homecoming for the Hawkeyes? They haven’t beaten a ranked team since 2021. Alas, it won’t happen this week as Indiana has too much firepower. <hack-kaff>
Indiana 35 Iowa 17
Well friends, its time to 23-skidoo. Until next time…if the good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.
Boola Boola!
Now, let’s take a gander at the ol’ crystal ball and see what’s on tap for this week.
Rutgers at Minnesota. The Red Knights are fresh off an entertaining (albeit losing) effort against Iowa. They face the pesky boat rowers of Minnesota, fully rested after a bye week. The Gophers are a slight favorite, but after seeing Rutgers’ receivers in action, I think they are prime to pull the upset.
Rutgers 35 Minnesota 31
USC at Illinois. USC travels eastward for an early tilt against the Battling Berts. This is an interesting matchup. The Illini were ranked #9 until they ran into the Indiana buzzsaw, leaving football fans to wonder just how good this team really is. USC puts their undefeated record on the line. The Galloping Ghost isn’t going to help this week as The Trojans prevail. <har-rumph>
USC 23 Illinois 17
Ohio State at Washington. The Huskies sport a somewhat surprising 3-0 record. The Bucks are an unsurprising 3-0. Washington may have the sled dogs, but it won’t be snowing in Seattle.
Ohio State 38 Washington 20
UCLA at Northwestern. The Bruin ship no longer has its captain, as Coach DeShaun Foster has already been thrown overboard. Tim is the new Skipper…for now. The Kitties have managed one win so far. Somebody has to win this game.
Northwestern 17 UCLA 13
Oregon at Penn State. While the women of the Hoople boardinghouse will be gathered around the Stewart-Warner R-146A to catch the latest episode of One Man’s Family, the menfolk will be watching this week’s marquee matchup on that new-fangled thing called a television. The giant 10 inch screen will hold these codgers spellbound on what should be a crackerjack contest. The Ducks are once again flying high and the Lions are off to their typical good start. James Franklin has developed a reputation for not winning the big games. This is his chance to put the kibosh on that. Home field is a big advantage here. <hep-kemph>
Penn State 30 Oregon 27
And finally….
Indiana at Iowa. The Flying Herky’s won a captivating game in Piscataway last week. Transfer QB Mark Gronowski continues to improve as he works his way into the form that won 2 national championships at South Dakota State. The Hoosiers demolished a determined Illinois team last week in a game in which everything worked. Even the water boy would have scored if given a chance. Indiana has a high powered air attack, while Iowa’s weakness is their defensive secondary (though they rose to the occasion in the second half against Rutgers).
Iowa cannot afford to get into a scoring contest with the Hoosiers. Their only hope is to slow things down and make this an in-the-trenches slugfest. Will this be a Happy Homecoming for the Hawkeyes? They haven’t beaten a ranked team since 2021. Alas, it won’t happen this week as Indiana has too much firepower. <hack-kaff>
Indiana 35 Iowa 17
Well friends, its time to 23-skidoo. Until next time…if the good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.
Boola Boola!
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