Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
"Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now... I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed, and a large-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
So I said to my wife:
"it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!
So I said to my wife:
"it seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!
“ I married my wife for her looks but not the ones she’s been giving me ”
Watch your back Yogi, when grandchildren are involved......
you'll just keep chucking the oyster, which is happily on the grandparents,
we love helping our family any which way we can.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. Oh yea, yer right!"
Late life father, our son was born when 21 years ago when I was 52. Hoping to have grand kids some day but no pressure on him since he is a Jr. At CU Boulder. I’m in pretty good shape but once you get older you never know.Watch your back Yogi, when grandchildren are involved......
you'll just keep chucking the oyster, which is happily on the grandparents,
we love helping our family any which way we can.
God Speed Yogi,
I'm 73 1/2 .....I believe you will do fine.
On a lighter note of being a late life father and not getting married until 49 the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s went by in a blur. Most of it was good but some of them were the equivalent of Sam Kinison’s ex wife…..I almost gave up then in ‘96 finally lucked out with my wife. I guess even a blind squirrel……my Mom was so happy she danced at our wedding. My Dad had a beer grin that lasted forever.
The gene pool test...I help you once, then you are on your own.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says
"It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."
The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.
He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."
The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.
The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.
He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"
The bartender thinks for a minute and then says
"It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."
The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.
He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.
Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."
The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.
A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.
The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.
He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."
The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"
A woman comes home from the doctor’s office after a procedure and tells her husband that the doctor said we can’t have sex for a month.
He replies, “What did the dentist say?”
He replies, “What did the dentist say?”
It seems like neither person in this conversation understood what the other person was really getting at. One of them is talking about starting a revolution, whilst the other is trying to shoot their shot. No matter what, it always seems like men are always the more clueless ones in these situations…
The dreaded rectal exam
A man is in the doctor’s examining room, bent over the table with his pants down around his ankles, anxiously awaiting the proctologist. Just then the door opens, and in walks the
proctologist who quickly starts working his fingers into his lubricated latex exam gloves.
“Alright Brian, it’s not your first proctology exam, so please relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says “but doctor, my names Phillip.”
The doctor responds “ I know. My name’s Brian.”
A man is in the doctor’s examining room, bent over the table with his pants down around his ankles, anxiously awaiting the proctologist. Just then the door opens, and in walks the
proctologist who quickly starts working his fingers into his lubricated latex exam gloves.
“Alright Brian, it’s not your first proctology exam, so please relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says “but doctor, my names Phillip.”
The doctor responds “ I know. My name’s Brian.”
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