Almost had a breakthrough this morning. I normally use a minimum of 6 squares of Cottonelle double ply. I think my wife picked up Charmin. Do not change TP without a conversation with your entire household.
OT: Breakthrough Case Scare
- Thread starter Jeffreauxdawg
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I had a close call this morning as well. Do not drink coffee before 6am jiu jitsu, especially on white mats. Barely made it.
Speaking of good *****. Went to breakfast this morning and the special was a waffle covered with gravy and a fried egg on top. A combination I never would have tried myself but it was damned delicious. The gravy was the perfect consistency to produce the proper after breakfast dump.
I’m sitting on the beach, drinking a beer, and think “I’ll check out the Six Pack and see what’s happening in MSU sports”, and I find this thread. Damn, Six Pack never disappoints. I prefer Cottonelle too.
ive been waiting on a thread like this to share this story....
it will never rival the story from Barnhill's the dude shared about 8-10 years ago....but an episode i had while working in Yazoo city a few weeks ago made me think about sharing it...
I was working at a AG retail location in YC a few weeks ago....we brought in lunch .....Ubon's BBQ.....it was fantastic....was there for a couple of hours, and when i walked out the door to my truck, a giant flushing noise hit my stomach.....and i reminded myself "truck stops only"....which is the only gas station type place i will sit my rear on....i checked google maps and saw there was a truck stop in Canton, which was my next stop...ok....i can make it till there....45 mins...only, that i made it to the stop sign about .25 miles down the road, and a second flush hit my abdomen....i sat there....thinking....squeezing...and after about 45 more seconds, i realized there is a walmart in YC....not really what i wanted, but it was going to have to do....about 2 miles....as i drove, it got worse....and worse...so bad that I thought about pulling over and running out into one of the cotton fields, only to see a line of houses not far away with folks on their back porch....I made it to the Walmart parking lot....as i got out of my truck, i put my arms along the tailgate and stretched out my legs to compress....you would have thought i was crying on my tailgate....i worked up enough courage to speed walk to the entrance....i got inside, went straight to the first stall, literally sweat rolling down my cheek, and only about half the mass made it in the toilet....the other half on the auto flusher, and back of toilet seat...wave after wave, it kept coming.....finally i was able to catch my breath and noticed there was NO toilet paper....FML....this is a disaster area and i stood up with pants at my ankles and went to the next stall...sat down, and NO TP there either....i was like, WTF...so i did what any good outdoorsman has done in the past, and used my right sock....i pulled my pants up, washed my hands and there were no paper towels either....finally, a dude walked in as i was leaving pushed open the stall i was originally in, and said "GD, looks like someone died in here".....anyway....it will go down in history in my life...I told the story to my 11yo son, and he thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard....
it will never rival the story from Barnhill's the dude shared about 8-10 years ago....but an episode i had while working in Yazoo city a few weeks ago made me think about sharing it...
I was working at a AG retail location in YC a few weeks ago....we brought in lunch .....Ubon's BBQ.....it was fantastic....was there for a couple of hours, and when i walked out the door to my truck, a giant flushing noise hit my stomach.....and i reminded myself "truck stops only"....which is the only gas station type place i will sit my rear on....i checked google maps and saw there was a truck stop in Canton, which was my next stop...ok....i can make it till there....45 mins...only, that i made it to the stop sign about .25 miles down the road, and a second flush hit my abdomen....i sat there....thinking....squeezing...and after about 45 more seconds, i realized there is a walmart in YC....not really what i wanted, but it was going to have to do....about 2 miles....as i drove, it got worse....and worse...so bad that I thought about pulling over and running out into one of the cotton fields, only to see a line of houses not far away with folks on their back porch....I made it to the Walmart parking lot....as i got out of my truck, i put my arms along the tailgate and stretched out my legs to compress....you would have thought i was crying on my tailgate....i worked up enough courage to speed walk to the entrance....i got inside, went straight to the first stall, literally sweat rolling down my cheek, and only about half the mass made it in the toilet....the other half on the auto flusher, and back of toilet seat...wave after wave, it kept coming.....finally i was able to catch my breath and noticed there was NO toilet paper....FML....this is a disaster area and i stood up with pants at my ankles and went to the next stall...sat down, and NO TP there either....i was like, WTF...so i did what any good outdoorsman has done in the past, and used my right sock....i pulled my pants up, washed my hands and there were no paper towels either....finally, a dude walked in as i was leaving pushed open the stall i was originally in, and said "GD, looks like someone died in here".....anyway....it will go down in history in my life...I told the story to my 11yo son, and he thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard....
It’s not the breakfast that’s coming out, but it sure as hell is revving up that gastrocolic reflex
Happens to the best of us. Having spent many years on the road, the very best public option for a #2 is the lobby restroom at a chain hotel. Everyone in the place has there own private toilet so it's rarely used, professionally cleaned everyday, and well stocked. Plenty of magazines and a USA Today or WSJ sitting around on the way in
Just walk in the front door like you are staying all week. If you're lucky, you can grab a cookie on the way out.
Just walk in the front door like you are staying all week. If you're lucky, you can grab a cookie on the way out.
I have a **** story for the ages. This could be a great thread. It involves New Orleans and pork chops.
Tucumcarri, NM. Loretta's Burrito Hut. An abandoned gas station on Rte 66 that showed up on GPS. And a pissed off blue heeler that came out of nowhere.
Luckily I had a change of clothes.
Luckily I had a change of clothes.
I got a case of nuclear diarrhea tailgating in the junction a couple of years ago. Ate tailgate food all day and it finally hit me. I ran to the port a potties that are across the street from the junction johns. I feel bad for anyone who had to use that port a potty after me. It was hot and I was sweating bullets trying to hover over the pot and not get any of that **** on me. It was evening (was an early game) and the portapotty had been well used that day. Very unpleasant at the time but funny to think about now.
Not my story...but I know yall have seen the one about the guy on the private plane and the fold up ******* curtain...The guy is literally bumping shoulders with another passenger, and looking at him, as the curtain only came up to about nose...... I'm about to cry typing this...
The one and only time I was on a corportate jet it hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't as bad as you described as it did have a door to close, but the insulation in those walls was about as effective as a wet paper towel. I had to do the walk of shame back to my seat with the other employees and two of the CEO's best friends looking on. After we landed one of my coworkers asked what it was like taking a **** at 40,000 feet.
When ever I was deployed over seas my mom sent me a care package every 15 days. I told her to always put toilet paper, snuff, and AA batteries. That was just like having gold in your hand. I also asked for Baby Ruth bars. Great candy for myself. However she always packed extra stuff with a note reminding me to share with my brothers who did not have families with the means back home to send them stuff.
No **** thread is complete without this gem..
http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
OR this
https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
OR this
https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
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One of my first "teachable moments" about what marriage is really like. Wifey and I hadn't been married long and one morning before work I had to take what I could tell was gonna be an epic dump. Upon searching both bathrooms I discover we got no paper so I decide gut it out and make a run to the convenience store. By time I got to the store I realized I had made a mistake but pinched as hard as I could and went in anyway. Grabbed the first package I saw and went to the counter, paid and literally walked sideways to get back to the car. Got home and sprinted in the house unfortunately losing part of my loaf on the way to the bathroom. A "******" way to start the day to say the least. Wife's reaction in a snarky voice "why'd you buy this color ?". I had nothing .
Younger generations will never believe us when we tell them there was a time when there was multiple options for color of toilet paper, and you could also get it scented.
My grandmother always kept plenty of pink scented toilet paper on hand. Ah, the good ol' days...
I use to travel A LOT for work. And I learned to not eat breakfast because if I had the wrong sausage and biscuit or anything outside of oatmeal, I was flirting with disaster. To this day, I rarely eat breakfast. I need my stomach under me before I start shoveling **** into it. Anything pre 9am is a roll of the dice.
Similar. The Pure in Renfroe after I dumped a bunch of hand grenades on top of oysters from Acme, a large "debris" from Mother's, and a burger from Port of Call. I swear it was my first born. I broke water in the parking lot and barely made it to porcelain.
A variation on one of the most popular and long standing military meals, "sh*t on a shingle." I refer to it as, "ole miss on a shingle."