I'm in the 17in worst marriage ever, I'm pretty sure it's beyond saving, but we have a 3 month old and I can't stand the thought of only seeing him every other weekend or any schedule of the sort.
How did y'all do it?
How did y'all do it?
OT: any divorced dads out there?
- Thread starter Msubulldogfan1
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Is this really the place you want to seek advice on something so important? No sarcasterisks. I hope things work out best for all 3 of you.
Not really, but i don't have many people IRL to talk about it with. Would rather talk to strangers online that I don't know as opposed to family and friends IRL. Thx for the well wishes bro.
What about your marriage is bad?
Have y'all went to counseling yet?
You need to do what you gotta do to make it work. Far too many children growing up in single parent households.
Have y'all went to counseling yet?
You need to do what you gotta do to make it work. Far too many children growing up in single parent households.
First of all, if your marriage was this bad 1 year ago, why did you get your wife pregnant? Second, any chance you're just dealing with an overly emotional woman who just spent 9 months pregnant and 3 months with a baby?
I'm no feminist, but it's something to think about.
I'm no feminist, but it's something to think about.
We really should have never got married. We've always had problems, but neither of us had ever been in a long term relationship and I think neither of us were strong enough to break it off. So we kinda just went through the motions with everything.
I will say we both wanted a kid, and times were never as bad as they are now. I really don't think it has anything to do with prego emotions. I feel like the marriage was a mistake and we shouldn't of had a kid together, although I don't regret my son one bit and wouldn't trade him for the world.
She doesn't want to do counseling, trust me when I say I've suggested it.
All she does is *****. All the time. Sounds trivial but it's absurd. its negativity about everything everyday. If I don't pick up dog **** in the yard, she bitches. If I pick up dog shot in the yard then she bitches about the trash. If I do both of those then she bitches about laundry...I started back working out and she's constantly bitching about me being gone working out. There's 100% real hate between us. We haven't had sex since last summer.
You won't like this advice but the best thing you can do is try to work it out. If you think she is a terror now just wait til she is on your *** for child support plus for 18 years.
I tried to work things out with my ex-wife for the sake of our daughter, but becoming a mother had changed her too much. That divorce sucked, but I'm honestly happier now than i'be ever been in my life. It sucks that I only see my daughter every other weekend, but i'm a better parent now than I was then, because I appreciate my time with my daughter more. I don't take that time for granted any more. If you can work things out, then that is best, but life will go on even if y'all can't figure out how to go forward together.
My family hates her bc she always makes subtle jabs to them about how I don't make enough money or she's not happy with something I do or don't do.
I'm trying and have begged her for counseling so she can maybe see my point of view. She doesn't want it.
I know I'm not the best catch. I don't have a great job and I'm not a go getter. I like watching tv and movies but I do the things around the house that need done. Mowing, yardwork, trash, my fair share of supper duties, I stay home with the baby when she works...she 17in acts like I don't do **** and brings it up non 17in stop.
I def don't want child support, more than that tho I do t wanna not be around my son.
Told the mrs that we aren't getting a divorce when we were dating talking about marriage. The only way it was getting broken off was if she cheats presuming I didn't, and if she did, I would ruin her life if she survived. It's worked as we are coming up on year 10 of marriage. I'm a real Don Juan.
Well, I will tell you this. I don't know if things will get better or if you should stay, but I will give you one piece of good advice. GET A JOURNAL. Write down all the crappy things she does, and date it. Keep a log of all the crappiness. It will come in handy one day when the judge/attorneys/police come calling. Keep your head and don't do anything stupid, that might get your kid taken from you. Do that no matter what.
Secondly, keep working out. Do other things in your spare time besides sit around with her and letting her order you around. Who knows, upping your frame around her might just get her attracted to you again. Watch her actions - not her words.
Get some confidence bro. Trust me, your wife wants you to do it too.
Secondly, keep working out. Do other things in your spare time besides sit around with her and letting her order you around. Who knows, upping your frame around her might just get her attracted to you again. Watch her actions - not her words.
Get some confidence bro. Trust me, your wife wants you to do it too.
If you both are truly unhappy, try splitting custody 50 50. It sounds by her demeanor she will never go for that.
That's what I'm thinking man, is both of us would be way happier divorced. I know 100% I would be, I'm miserable right now.
It sucks on one hand bc I'd have to move back in with mom and sister, but it's becoming worth it.
I've tried to leave before when's she's pushed me over the brink but she cries and ends up convincing me to stay.
I know there's much worse things in life than a kid with divorced parents. But at least he would have a dad that loves him dearly, unlike what I had, and he wouldn't grow up with parents that hated each other.
Like I said tho, it would just 17in suck being away from him that much.
That's what women do, especially new moms. I would never advocate for someone to be miserable in a marriage but I wouldn't advocate for leaving an infant either.
If I were you, I'd stick it out until the kid was a little more self sufficient. You just think your wife hates you now, wait till you leave her alone with a 3 month old. Now that you have a kid you're gonna have to deal with her forever. If I were you, I'd do everything I could to make that relationship better regardless of if you guys are married or not.
Good luck with everything. My best friend recently went through a divorce and it's a very hard experience, even when you want out. He lost about 25 pounds through the divorce.
I told her today if she splits custody 50:50 today I would leave, she shot it down with the quickness...asserting why would she do that when's she takes care of him 90% of the time, which is downright laughable.
Stop doing dumb crap like that. You really think logic is going to prevail here? Get rid of that brainwashing bro.
This response feels a little judgy, but the point about her being emotional is very true.
OP: I am truly sorry to hear this. If you were in Starkville I'd offer to meet and let you vent about it. I don't have any experience with divorce, but having a newborn is really taxing. My second is a little over 2 months.
I would encourage you to a) be careful what you say about the relationship online and b) definitely find someone you can talk to. A sibling or parent - maybe a pastor or therapist even.
Way ahead of you. I've started screenshooting the nasty texts and wrtiting the notes of what she says and does in my phone.
I know she resents me for not making more money, she's the breadwinner right now.
I've told her I will drive for lyft or tuber on the weekends to bring in an extra 600-800$ a month but she's even refused it... because I drive a truck and she drives a CRV, I would need to use her vehicle and she's not having that. And since I stay home with the baby 3 days a week and the schedule varies, I don't have many options for a job that would adhere to that.
I've told her I will drive for lyft or tuber on the weekends to bring in an extra 600-800$ a month but she's even refused it... because I drive a truck and she drives a CRV, I would need to use her vehicle and she's not having that. And since I stay home with the baby 3 days a week and the schedule varies, I don't have many options for a job that would adhere to that.
I listen to a podcast that advertise "talkspace"....
It sounds like this might be a good option for somebody needing to talk.
You can go to talkspace.com/criminal and use the podcast promo if you're interested.
It sounds like this might be a good option for somebody needing to talk.
You can go to talkspace.com/criminal and use the podcast promo if you're interested.
Sounds like she thinks she is the head of the house. Its time to take whatever measures you need that will show her you are the man. That's why she resents you. She thinks she is having to be the man and the woman. Pick yourself up and do what needs to be done, turn the tv off, sell the truck and get an more economical vehicle and put the beer down.
Do it for for your kid, the rest will fall into place.
Do it for for your kid, the rest will fall into place.
I must have had a dozen buddies get divorced over the last 20 years. I always seem to be the shoulder to cry on and a para legal. One thing I can tell you is that it will be way worse than you can imagine. If she treats you like **** now, I can almost guarantee that she will spend the next 20.75 years filling the childs head with hatred toward you. Also, if she is money hungry now, you will spend the next 20.75 years constantly being drung back in court for her to try and up the child support payments.
If you invest in the stock market do you ask any stranger that you happen to meet for advice on how you should invest? Come on man..do yourself a favor and do some serious thinking. I feel your pain but this ain't the place to bring that up. Good luck and God bless you.
I went through one divorce of my own marriage and was the child in two others, so I will give you my two cents.
You cannot let the fact that you have a kid be the deciding factor. Do you really want the kid to grow up in a bad home? My Mom's divorces were both ******, but in the long run, my brother and I were better off.
Second, it takes two to make it work. You can offer whatever you want, but if she wants out, that's what you will have to do.
At this point, I would follow the advice above and document things. Then I would seek a good lawyer and talk with them before you try to do anything because when if it comes to divorce, you need to not be the nice guy and offer everything up to get out. That's what I did in my only divorce and I got screwed. You have rights no matter who makes more money. You should also have the right to at least 50/50 no matter if she likes it or not. Unless you have made some major screwups here.
Pull yourself together, get some legal advice and then make your plans.
Like my best friend told me when my first marriage was done and I needed a good prod - "The first step is the hardest... The rest are easier.
Don't forget the support of your family either.
ETA: I live out of state and am pretty available. If you just want someone to vent to, private message me. You need to get this **** off a public board anyway.
You cannot let the fact that you have a kid be the deciding factor. Do you really want the kid to grow up in a bad home? My Mom's divorces were both ******, but in the long run, my brother and I were better off.
Second, it takes two to make it work. You can offer whatever you want, but if she wants out, that's what you will have to do.
At this point, I would follow the advice above and document things. Then I would seek a good lawyer and talk with them before you try to do anything because when if it comes to divorce, you need to not be the nice guy and offer everything up to get out. That's what I did in my only divorce and I got screwed. You have rights no matter who makes more money. You should also have the right to at least 50/50 no matter if she likes it or not. Unless you have made some major screwups here.
Pull yourself together, get some legal advice and then make your plans.
Like my best friend told me when my first marriage was done and I needed a good prod - "The first step is the hardest... The rest are easier.
Don't forget the support of your family either.
ETA: I live out of state and am pretty available. If you just want someone to vent to, private message me. You need to get this **** off a public board anyway.
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Not looking for advice, rather for others to share their experience if applicable, which is what the OP stated. Why is this not a good place for such discussion? Are OT subjects prohibited?
Spare me your wisdom please, if you don't have any experience in the subject matter, then move on to the next thread. Thank you.
ThNks for your input, but again I ask why is this such a taboo subject matter for this board? Is it not anonymous? I haven't slandered anyone or exposed any names. I simply discribed my situation and asked others if they've had any similar experience.
I'm sure if someone really wanted to be an ******* and do some investigating they would find out who I am, but as I have not disclosed any private information, I don't see the big deal.
I'm sure if someone really wanted to be an ******* and do some investigating they would find out who I am, but as I have not disclosed any private information, I don't see the big deal.
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