Twas the night before sanctions

tatedog

Redshirt
Mar 28, 2015
8,739
0
0
Twas the night before sanctions, when all through the house
Not a booster was stirring, though their wives were all soused
The ascots were hung by the pineapple with care,
In hopes that Godfrey's bomb soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of landsharks danced in their heads.
And mama in her kerchief and I in my cap
Had just settled down to watch Fitz's ankle snap.

When out in the Grove there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my ikea twin to see what was the matter
Away to the window, I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and lit up some hash.

The moon on the breast (snicker) of the new-fallen blow
Gave the luster of midday to leased BMW's below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Tom Mars searching for payments in arrears.

With a devilish tongue so lively and quick
I knew in a moment I hated that dick
More rapid than eagles his associates they came
And I prayed in an instant he did not call my name...

"NOW BJORKY, AND FREEZEY, AND YANCY AND NOTAFAN
ON VITTER AND HOSS AND OF COURSE ALL THE KLAN
To the top of lyceum to the top of the Vaught
Now sign my check, kiss my ***, rue the day all!"

He spoke no more words but just went to work
As I thought to myself "who pissed off this jerk?"
And raising his finger (yes that's the one)
He smiled as he said "thanks for the check and the fun"
Then he sprang to his Porsche, and to his team gave a whistle
And left behind was a note: "duck--incoming missile."

From Tatedog's living room, to the Hattiesburg waffle house, to the Nashville office of the CL, to the Cheetah Club... Happy Sanctions Day everyone and to some a good night.
 
Last edited:

Shmuley

Heisman
Mar 6, 2008
24,416
12,620
113
When out in the grove, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang off of my butt plug to see what was the matter.
When what to my disbelieving eyes should appear,
a drug addled Fancy frolicking around like a *****.

Next.
 

drail14me

Redshirt
Jul 20, 2008
1,349
14
38
You ever wake up as a kid expecting a great morning from Santa and not get a dang thing you wanted? I’m afraid that’s what we’ll wake up to tomorrow. Disappointment.
 

msstatelp1

All-Conference
Aug 21, 2012
2,134
1,367
113
With the Leo recording released
Moo U soon would be fleeced
Oh, to the Glorious Sweet By and By
Cause we know our journalists never would lie.
 

TheStateUofMS

All-Conference
Dec 26, 2009
10,498
2,500
113
The only way you MIGHT be disappointed is if you're expecting like 35 schollies.
 

Original48

Redshirt
Aug 9, 2007
3,322
0
0
More rapid than Xanax his doses they came
He penned the new narrative and shouted by name
On Godfrey, on Barree on Chuckie and Ben
And not a fan Kneel, go hoist up your pen!
 

HammerOfTheDogs

All-Conference
Jun 20, 2001
10,853
1,705
113
You ever wake up as a kid expecting a great morning from Santa and not get a dang thing you wanted? I’m afraid that’s what we’ll wake up to tomorrow. Disappointment.
 

Grove Sh*tter

Redshirt
Aug 25, 2014
911
0
0
But then reality began to set
I clinched my bowtie as I do when I fret
How could it be? It couldn't be true!
The bulldogs, conspirators, they're the ones that should rue

Nine over three should be good enough
My eyes can't believe how incredibly rough
These penalties really turned out to be
More than our media could ever foresee

I guess I'll go sob for awhile and then
Over my bed like always I'll bend
Stick a bottle of Zima deep in my butt
And read the glee of drebin and mutt
 

MagicDawg

All-Conference
Nov 11, 2010
1,013
1,010
113
I'm more of a lyricist.

To the tune of "The Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe"


Do ya hear that train comin' down the track?
It means the COI have sent their findings back,
And tomorrow there'll be hell to pay
For repeatedly defying the NCAA.


21 infractions, that's a ton,
(And only half a dozen aren't level one.)
Do ya think it's Ross's final day
When the penalties arrive from the NCAA?


Here she comes
Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Hey, Hugh you've preached your last rebuke.
Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
At least when this thing crashes you can blame Matt Luke.


By the time the sun has set again,
They'll be hashing through the details on ESPN
And in Oxford, by the end of day,
Someone'll try to sue the NC-double-A.
 

Hugh's Burner Phone

All-American
Aug 3, 2017
5,575
6,702
113
This morning I woke up and crawled out of bed
With visions of the egg bowl still in my head
Then a thought crossed my mind as I cut a loud fart
And it froze me terror and near stopped my heart

I remembered this day would bring terrible news
And I stumbled to the bathroom already starting to rue
I fumbled open the cabinet as I heard my kids fussing
And grabbed the value size bottle of green Robitsussin

For today I remember the hammer comes down
And there would be no joy in my favorite hometown
The narrative we were told turned out to be false
Our school was getting bombed, all hope is lost
 
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