OT: Go To One-Liners
- Thread starter Huskerpro
- Start date
I use this line from Big Lebowski quite often: “You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an *******.”
So many Seinfeld one-liners my wife and I use....
Something's missing alright
Cheapness is not a sense
I know the chunky that ate this Chunky
Strike's over
You got three pints of Kramer in ya
The list is endless...
Something's missing alright
Cheapness is not a sense
I know the chunky that ate this Chunky
Strike's over
You got three pints of Kramer in ya
The list is endless...
Two that my dad told told me.
More problems than a one legged man in an *** kickin contest.
Don't believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.
More problems than a one legged man in an *** kickin contest.
Don't believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.
If I could buy you at at what I think you are worth and sell you at what YOU think you are worth, I’d be a rich man
years ago, my fifth grade teacher had family that lost a 2yr old.
they had a pig farm and they think the child wandered in with the piglets.
i was mortified.
There is an old guy at one of our construction sites that has a few gems:
This is as ****** up as Hogan's goat.
This operation is a goddamned soup sandwich
I buy all you kids books, but all you do is tear out the pages.
This is as ****** up as Hogan's goat.
This operation is a goddamned soup sandwich
I buy all you kids books, but all you do is tear out the pages.
I always heard the last one as "Buy them books and buy them books, but all they do is look at the pictures"
but yours works as well!
I’d go down on her like a St. Bernard licking a tub of mayonnaise
straighter than a grizzlys dick
straighter than a grizzlys dick
If I want any **** out of you, I'll squeeze your head.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess.
I'm here to kick *** and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of bubblegum.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess.
I'm here to kick *** and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of bubblegum.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
From grumpier old men. You can wish in one hand and s*** in the other. See which one gets full first.
My grandpa was a wise old farmer that never went past the eighth grade but still had a very successful life. He liked to talk about politics and world events with his friends and relatives over a whiskey and water. He'd usually end with "well, I have got a PhD. You know, a post hole digger" he had a pretty low opinion of politicians and their hubris. My grandma, being equally wise and seeing the dangers of strong drink during the prohibition era, would let him have a drink or two when they were out socially, but she would not allow a bottle of any kind in the house. No beer either.
My grandpa was a wise old farmer that never went past the eighth grade but still had a very successful life. He liked to talk about politics and world events with his friends and relatives over a whiskey and water. He'd usually end with "well, I have got a PhD. You know, a post hole digger" he had a pretty low opinion of politicians and their hubris. My grandma, being equally wise and seeing the dangers of strong drink during the prohibition era, would let him have a drink or two when they were out socially, but she would not allow a bottle of any kind in the house. No beer either.
Stolen from a conversation @ZaneHickey had with an old guy once:
"She was so skinny that when she swallowed a peanut, three guys left town."
"She was so skinny that when she swallowed a peanut, three guys left town."
If I wanted to hear from an *******, I would have farted.
If I want any lip from you, I'll jiggle my zipper
If I want any lip from you, I'll jiggle my zipper
when playing call of duty with my friends, my go to is “way to go dumbass, you just lost us the game” - from the water boy
My favorite skinny one liner is
he is so skinny, he needs to move around in the shower to get wet
Grew up in a very small town. We had a guy spewing gems like this........
Chances are if your parents didn't have any kids, you won't either.
Chances are if your parents didn't have any kids, you won't either.
Gnaw on the coversI always heard the last one as "Buy them books and buy them books, but all they do is look at the pictures"
but yours works as well!
One of the best from Marine Boot Camp when DI's wanted people to shut up:
"Shut your cock-holsters"!!!
From Larry the Cable Guy:
"She's an m&m away from holy ****".
The great Homer J. Simpson:
"When in doubt, blame it on the guy that can't speak English".
"Shut your cock-holsters"!!!
From Larry the Cable Guy:
"She's an m&m away from holy ****".
The great Homer J. Simpson:
"When in doubt, blame it on the guy that can't speak English".