NSFW
A woman is very afraid of the size of her opening.
So she goes to her mother, she says what am I going to do I’m so big down there when I marry Harry he’s going to divorce me.
Her mother says don’t worry sweetheart it runs in the family, do what I did when I married your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there he’ll never know the difference.
So she does.
They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o’clock, he’s gone but there’s a note on her pillow.
It says -:
“My darling Harriet.
To think that I waited a year to consummate our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I’m surprised it didn’t wake you up.
The only reason I’m not here now darling is that I’m at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we’ll have dogs and children.
When the 5 o’clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms.
Your loving husband, Harry.
PS. Your **** is in the sink."