I agree that a poor choice is a poor choice, period. But also am aware that I overcame absolutely nothing to make a lot of good choices. And that is simply not the reality for a lot of Americans. Sounds like many in your family have overcome more than me and many in my family, which is great. Life is honestly hard for everyone, and it's all degrees of hard. I am regularly grateful I am way towards the easy end of the spectrum.
My long held supposition is that what I teach my son, and any individual I run in to, and what I think is a collective reality are different. So what I mean by that is that I teach my son everything you're saying. That he is responsible for his own choices. That he needs to not have excuses, to be resourceful, to find a way to keep moving forward. It's a kids movie, but the main tagline in the movie Meet The Robinsons is "Keep Moving Forward" and I've always loved that and think about it mentally a lot. Find a way to move forward. There are constant set backs, but you just have to move forward. So that is the personal attitude I have and want my son to have. But when it comes to the collective, I am also aware that others have different situations, and that often people could use a hand up, or societal support. I think the goal should be to better distinguish between those two (meaning make sure people that should only need a hand don't become the ones who need societal support). I am sure that people will disagree on where that line is and why compromise is always important. I think the same for like general racism. At the individual level, people shouldn't let racism change what they do. They should be respectful, take responsibility for themselves, not let it hold them back, keep moving forward. But also, I think we should understand that it does exist and as a collective work to move things forward at the institutional level. And believing that should happen, doesn't mean that I think anyone should use it as a personal excuse, or just give up, or expect anyone to personally give them things because it does, etc. Anyway, thanks for coming to my boring a$$ TED talk.