Skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'give me a beer and a mop'.
Termite walks into a bar and asks, 'is the bar tender here'?
Termite walks into a bar and asks, 'is the bar tender here'?
OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
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Two economists are on a nude beach. One of the economists asks: "Have you read Marx?" The other economist replies: "It must be these wicker chairs."
Snow white and Cinderella were thrown out of the Magic Kingdom because they kidnapped Pinocchio, tied him down, sat on his face, and repeatedly told him to lie.
Snow white and Cinderella were thrown out of the Magic Kingdom because they kidnapped Pinocchio, tied him down, sat on his face, and repeatedly told him to lie.
Did you hear they are now giving Viagra to elderly men in nursing homes? It keeps them from rolling out of bed.
Easter joke for ya...
Guy takes a trip to Isreal with his wife and mother in law, and the mother in law dies suddenly. They're at the morgue, and the coroner says he can either bury her there for $100, or pay $5000 to fly her home. Without hesitation the husband opts to fly her home.
Coroner: are you sure? I mean, for a fraction of the price you can have her buried here, in one of the holiest and sacred places on earth.
Man: I hear you, but 2000 years ago you buried a guy here and he came back to life 3 days later. No way i'm taking that chance.
Guy takes a trip to Isreal with his wife and mother in law, and the mother in law dies suddenly. They're at the morgue, and the coroner says he can either bury her there for $100, or pay $5000 to fly her home. Without hesitation the husband opts to fly her home.
Coroner: are you sure? I mean, for a fraction of the price you can have her buried here, in one of the holiest and sacred places on earth.
Man: I hear you, but 2000 years ago you buried a guy here and he came back to life 3 days later. No way i'm taking that chance.
What's the difference between a baby and birthday cake?
You need a special occasion to eat birthday cake.
This post was edited on 5/14 5:02 PM by RUHotTrumpetMonkeyLove
You need a special occasion to eat birthday cake.
This post was edited on 5/14 5:02 PM by RUHotTrumpetMonkeyLove
What did one omellete say to the other after it crossed the road? Eggscelent!
I made it up for my nephew. He didn't think it was as funny as I do.
I made it up for my nephew. He didn't think it was as funny as I do.
Why don't they play poker in Africa?........................There's too many cheetahs.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?..............................Nacho cheese.
What do you get when you mix a prostitute with a lawyer?...............................A F***ING KNOW-IT-ALL.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?..............................Nacho cheese.
What do you get when you mix a prostitute with a lawyer?...............................A F***ING KNOW-IT-ALL.
A man was on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law on a safari in Africa. The mother in law goes out in the jungle on a walk but doesn't return. The wife insists the man go with her to find her mother. When they find the mother she is nose to nose with a ferocious man-eating lion in Mexican standoff. The woman tells the man do do something, to which he replies "why, the tiger got himself into this mess, and he will have to get himself out!"
This post was edited on 5/27 7:55 AM by JPhoboken
This post was edited on 5/27 7:55 AM by JPhoboken
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't
serve your type in here."
serve your type in here."
A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches
an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
WISDOM OF AN OLDER MAN!
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''=
This post was edited on 5/16 8:34 AM by SayHeyWillie
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''=
This post was edited on 5/16 8:34 AM by SayHeyWillie
What's the difference between Bono and God?
God doesn't walk around Ireland thinking he is Bono.
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What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can't make a vitamin. (think about it).
God doesn't walk around Ireland thinking he is Bono.
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What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can't make a vitamin. (think about it).